Low Battery

I try to make this blog or my social media accounts honest, within reason. If I edit a photo, I think I am making the photo better represent how I saw the moment - when the camera was unable to replicate how I felt in the moment. Still, I probably won’t share my least favorite photos of myself because I’m human. And I won’t share sensitive private moments - heartbreaking conversations about a mean thing said at school, my irrational picking of fights with the husband when I’m grumpy (which is hypothetical of course and would never ever happen), etc. Actually, maybe I would share a photo of dirty cycling socks on the floor in FRONT of the laundry but not IN the laundry 😉

However, I try to sprinkle in some of my #reallife pictures and events to keep the balance. I usually have a very messy house. I am not good about making my kids clean up after themselves. I have too much stuff in a small space. I yell at my kids a lot. Yada, yada, yada.

This morning I was soooo tired but was up with the five year old around 5:30am. I played Candy Crush or browsed Facebook on my phone for a long time, letting the little guy watch Lego Friends videos on the iPad, like a good mom. Eventually I had a cup of coffee, pushed through breakfasts, getting kids dressed and even had them put a coat of paint on pinewood derby cars. We all went for school drop-off. Dad and big kid by bike. Me and little guy on foot and scooter. I had planned to continue on for a longer walk for exercise, knowing it would be tough today and I would just come home and sleep.

Turns out walking to school and back was enough. I’m wiped out. Out of breath, physically exhausted, just want to be horizontal on my sofa. And my pressure relief valve went off on the walk home. I saw a mom with gorgeous long blonde hair. I’ve never really wanted blonde hair, but seeing it made me realize what a big thing losing my hair is - and how long it will take to grow back. And so I cried the rest of the way home. Not about my hair, just because - cancer.

I think my mood has been pretty good through all of this - and our approach is definitely humor over everything as much as possible. But that pressure relief valve has to go off every so often. And I don’t want to misrepresent life.

I’m still not posting a photo of my red crying nose. I hate my red crying nose.

And on the humor side, husband comes home from morning workout and sees zombie me on the sofa - “What’s up with you?! You look like a chemo patient!” 👍