September 2019 update

September 30, 2019

Many of you have been wondering about my health status and unsure whether to ask me or not. I so very much appreciate your caring. For the record, never hesitate to ask me directly, or anyone else. Anything I share you can share with anyone else; nothing is confidential. As of September 30th, here's my latest:

I've completed 6 rounds of FOLFOX chemo for my rectal cancer (stage 3b). The good news is that it is working. All the physical pain symptoms of the rectal cancer have disappeared. I had scans a month ago, and they showed some progress, not incredible, but still positive. The spots in my lungs remained relatively small and so we remain focused on the rectal cancer, hoping to solve it before returning to the melanoma.

After 4 infusions, the docs from Stanford and UCSF had different opinions of what to do next. Stanford recommended switching to radiation, while UCSF recommended trying to get as much chemo in me as possible. We decided to continue the chemo for up to 8 total infusions. Then the plan is to do radiation with reduced chemo for 5 weeks in Nov/Dec. My hope is to be finished by Christmas. Then we’ll do more exams and decide if surgery is needed, which would happen most likely in February.

I will do my 7th infusion next week. We’ll see if I can make it for an 8th. In a week or so the docs will review my case at the tumor board and decide if I should move to radiation and/or chemo. And they will look again at my lungs to see what the nodules are doing. If they are larger and likely melanoma, we may need to forget the rectal cancer and begin yet another, more aggressive, melanoma treatment.

The treatment has been rough. The pain is not deep, just unrelenting. My stomach feels like something is eating away at it. My mouth tastes like metal. My throat hurts to swallow. My jaw hurts to chew. My sense of smell makes me super sensitive to all perfume-like products. Eating is a challenge as I can’t touch many foods. I find myself eating mashed potatoes, white bread, pizza and almost no fruits or vegetables – a big change from my normally healthy diet. I’ve only lost a few pounds and not too much hair. I am certainly more tired and get light headed. I crash at the end of most days. Noises are painful.

The hardest part of where I am today is that I’ve been fighting this battle for 5 years. This is my 7th form of treatment. And because my situation is so unusual, I’ve been treated at 6 institutions (PAMF, Stanford, Providence in Portland, Angeles in LA, UCLA, and UCSF). I’ve gotten advice and visited docs at 13 institutions (CPMC, Chicago, NYU, Memorial Sloan Kettering, MD Anderson, Moffitt in FL, Mass General). It gets tiring.

At the end of the day, I have a choice of perspectives: I can complain about the side effects, or I can be appreciative of the fact that this treatment even exists. I’m much better off having these challenges today than 30 years ago or anywhere else on the planet.

And while this summer and fall has been bad in some respects, it has been great in others. I’ve been able to really maximize life during the time I’m feeling better between treatments. We had a family trip to Paris/London/the Cotswolds to celebrate our 25th anniversary. Then began a series of every-other week fun, including the Jersey Shore, dropping Sam off at University of Richmond, Labor Day camping at Steep Ravine, Tahoe with some buddies, last weekend at Stinson Beach, and this week going to Parent’s weekend at Richmond. In December some school buddies are flying in for the weekend. And for Christmas my brother and sister will be visiting.

At the same time, I remain blessed to be part of Team BGCP. The work is so meaningful, important, and inspiring. It grounds me and gives me perspective to appreciate all I have. My team is always stepping up when I’m out. I work as much as I can not because BGCP needs me, but because it’s a life purpose. It’s not work. It gives me meaning and fulfillment.

Most importantly, I am blessed to have a loving wife, Betty, who has been with me through this whole journey, helping decide what paths to take and caring for me on the down days. The stress on her is significant. The medical uncertainty is difficult, and she has been managing the house and family as a single mom.

Finally, two specific thank yous: thank you to everyone who helped me get access to the top docs at Stanford and UCSF as well as all the other places. It’s great to know I’m getting the best medical opinions. And a big thanks to my friends who have helped me enjoy life through our fun adventures, including weekend getaways, movies, hikes, etc. I look forward to those more than you know.

All for now, with peace and love,

Peter