Exercise, food, fasting, and potential murder charges.

It seems that the holiday break has been great for me. Not because I'm not working (because I have been), but because it's given me some time to just focus on my health behaviors. The holidays themselves were extremely low key. We didn't order Aidan's gifts early enough so he just got the last one yesterday. I love that he didn't seem to care at all, although (of course) he got his favorite thing in the world. A basketball. As if he doesn't have twelve. It's funny because my father-in-law talks about how he and his siblings had one toy to share and it was a ball. Jason had no energy for getting the tree out of the attic, so he got some laser lights and a small tree and set it all up inside. It looked like a disco up in here! I often like tacky and Jason knows that so I had to thank him for accommodating my appreciation for the fun things in life.

Last I updated, I had just taken my second dose of the current chemo. All went well with that dose with the exception of a little extra tiredness for a few days. My glucose didn't react, I didn't feel nauseous, and my platelets (so far) haven't fallen. I'm not due for another dose until January 31, so I'm hoping my platelets stay high and stable so I can move on to dose #3. I'm sure it's the visual imagery exercises that are responsible for the high platelet count. I imagine little volcanoes along my bone marrow spewing out red and white blood cells. So far the white blood cells haven't gone up, so we think it's because red blood cells are easier to image coming out of a volcano. I'm sure that it is!

Not being able to drive is starting to get on my nerves. One day I was working at home and i thought, "Hey, I think I'd like to go to TJ Maxx." My next thought was, "Well, I can't." I know I could find a ride or I could uber. I could probably even walk if it hadn't been cold out. But it's not about getting there. It's about being able to have a thought, being able to go on my own, being able to stay as long as I desire, and then getting in the car and coming home when I'm ready. It's about freedom.

I try to convince these people on a regular basis that I can see better and then something always happens that Jason holds against me. For example, one day I walked past him in the kitchen (he was on my left, of course) and after he was past me he said, "I have to remember to tell Aidan that Mommy will do things like walk into a knife if it's on the left." I processed for a moment and then said,"Are you holding a knife pointed at me?" He explained that he indeed was carrying a knife and that a normal person would have seen it. This begs the question of why he had a knife pointed at me in the first place. It's so irrational that I'm wondering if it's even true. I mean, how am I supposed to know that he's even telling the truth? I never saw this alleged "knife." So here I am faced with two possibilities: First, that he was trying to kill me by pointing a knife at me on my left where I couldn't see it (you should ask him about the time he tried to kill me in a fire) and second, that there was no knife and he's lying in order to squelch my freedom. Either way, I think there's an issue that needs to be addressed. I think the worst thing about this entire story is that when I told Aidan that his dad said I almost walked into a knife he said, completely unfazed, "Is that a problem? You might get cut, but you would probably be ok." These are the people who are supposed to take care of me?!

As far as my general health goes, things seem to be looking up on a daily basis. Since my last surgery, my glucose and ketone blood counts (BHB) were variable. This was probably related to the steroids and other medications. I got them partially back on track with diet alone, then added in exercise. When the numbers still were not completely where I needed them to be right before the holidays, I contacted a fellow GBM/ keto survivor to ask him if he had any tips. He suggested that I eat all of my calories in a shorter window during the day, add in intermittent fasting for the rest of the day, and increase exercise. First thing I did was find a book I have on intermittent fasting and then I rearranged my eating schedule so that I don't eat anything (just water or tea) after about 5 PM and resume eating in the morning. Because my sleep schedule had gotten off track for a while, I have gone back to a solid sleep schedule. I've made it a point to do at least 30 minutes on my elliptical machine and do strength building exercises (biceps, triceps, shoulders, and squats) everyday. The research says that for maximum benefit for cancer, blood glucose should be in the 80s or lower (yes, my doctors know this). Since implementing these changes, I've been able to consistently stay in the recommended range. I guess we'll see how well it's working when I have my next scan. As I've said before, keto has been shown to be most effective as an adjunct treatment with chemo and/or radiation. I'm also continuing to visualize the unfed, sickly cells soaking up the chemo and then dying where they sit before being washed away and cleaned up by the cerebral spinal fluid. 

Speaking of food and fasting, I have to make a comment about unnecessary concerns. I've had many well-meaning friends and family over time who have asked about my weight. I know that many cancer patients lose weight through a process called cachexia. Cachexia is a condition where patients waste away and their overall health starts to go downhill. This is in no way what is happening with me. First off, the keto diet is a fat burning diet. That's how I initially lost so much body fat. Secondly, I get 1300 or more calories per day, which is what is keeping my weight stable. Honestly, when you eat as much fat as I eat, you just don't get that hungry so 1300 calories is more than enough. However, I've had people (including my husband) ask me about muscle wasting. The only thing that can make muscle go away is not exercising. That's exactly why I've added in strength building exercises. Plus muscle is bulkier and weighs more than fat, so maybe I will not look quite as small and I won't have to answer any more of these questions. The bottom line is that my BMI is still on the low end of normal. Everyone is just going to have to trust me that I'm not going to do anything that compromises my health further. I won't ask you to trust that Jason will be the gatekeeper. After all, he did allegedly try to stab me on my left side. And then there was that fire incident when we lived in Kentucky!