Be free where you are

We've been home in Lubbock for a while now and I think we've finally recovered from our road trip. I go into work each day, motivated to finish my online class, get summer data collection started, and write up some studies that I've been wanting to get back to. I was supposed to go back this week for my check up, but MD Anderson moved all of my appointments to July 9, so look for an update in about a week. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I can plan a plan but not an outcome. I must stay flexible in order to stay sane. 

“According to the Buddha’s teaching, the most basic condition for happiness is freedom…from the mental formations of anger, despair, jealousy, and delusion.” (Thich Nhat Hanh, p. 2). In another of his books, Hanh shares with a group of imprisoned convicts how to "Be Free Where You Are."

When I think back over the last 2 ½ years, I see many positive lessons learned for me and also those around me. I marvel at how so much positivity can flourish out of such a grim situation. Thich Nhat Hanh is also credited with a book called “No Mud, No Lotus.” The literal meaning of the title comes from the fact that each night the lotus flower wilts into the mud and disappears under the water. The following morning the lotus pushes through the mud, perks up, blooms anew in the sunlight and stands tall above the water. The title of this “dharma talk” is based on the principle that without suffering and adversity in life, there can be no beauty and freedom to bloom into the lotus and find yourself in the light.

Ancient Egyptians associated the lotus with daily rebirth and reunification. The Hindu tradition associates the lotus with beauty, fertility, prosperity, spirituality, and eternity. Buddhists tend to associate the lotus with purity and spiritual awakening. In my life reflections and spiritual study, I’ve been trying to practice what it means to be truly free. In the midst of this practice and exploration, I’ve been mindful of the many lessons I encounter each day and try to take mental note of each.

For example, while listening to music on our road trip, I had my music on “random” and Janis came on: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I have listened to that song hundreds of times in my life, and yet, I feel like I really listened for the very first time. Everyone knows that Bobby McGhee is a fabulous song, but it’s more than just a song about Janis lamenting bygone days with her ex-lover. It’s also a song about life’s struggles. The two find themselves dealing with a series of unexpected situations (i.e., flat tire, rain) that they overcome on the fly to make the best of the situation at hand (i.e., flag down a ride, sing songs to pass the time). There’s no anger, no despair, and no stress. It’s just a couple of people taking life as it comes and improvising with what talent and instruments they have available.

That’s how I feel about the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lessons I have learned over the last 2 ½ years. This illness has changed our outlook on life, entirely. Most of what I would have previously thought of as “stressful” circumstances pale in comparison. When I work, I can just focus on whatever I’m grading, reading, or writing because there’s little stress about what I’m doing. I keep no schedule and work at a pace that almost sets itself. When it’s time to rest, I rest. When it’s time to exercise, I exercise. When it’s time to stop, I stop. When it’s time to bloom anew, I reach for the light. This is how an illness has given me my freedom.

Reference:

Hanh Thich Nhat (2001). Anger: Wisdom for cooling the flames. Penguin Books Ltd.: London.