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Posted 2020-03-10T00:54:00Z

Be bold, work hard and change the world. Right after you and wash your hands

March 3rd was my fourth "rebirthday."  It's been four years since I was filleted.  Four years of living in a body at war with itself. Four years where chemo cycles, white blood cell counts, and the spectre of Porlock have ruled our lives.  I can hardly remember life before cancer, which makes me sad.  I was hoping to celebrate this 4th anniversary with good news but instead I'm feeling so discouraged.  The United Nations Council on Narcotics Drugs met in Vienna last week.  I was delusionally hopeful they would take last year’s WHO recommendation and vote to deschedule Cannabis.  Some member states — Russian, China, Iran, Japan, among others —were not willing to hold the vote. Here is a summary of the UN meeting and what it means.  A delayed "YES" vote is better than a rushed "NO" vote, but this is time I do not have.  I am frustrated and stressed out.  It was a revelation that international treaties could prohibit the US from descheduling Cannabis.  Not only does the US Federal Government have to loosen restrictions but basically the entire world has to agree?  I find this staggeringly depressing.  I really don't have the words to express how sad and angry this makes me.  Why should my health care depend on what Russia thinks?  I am doomed.  Bernie keeps saying he will legalize on day one of his presidency, but that path to legalization is complicated.  If Trump can pull the US out of Paris Climate agreements, could Bernie pull us out of the UN drug convention?  I have not looked into that, but I should.       

I wish I was the kind of person who could just say, oh well, take lots of THC and hope for the best.  I have read online accounts of patients who have managed to stay in remission, and I know they don't know more than I do.  But I want to give myself the best chance of curing/managing my cancer. It is so hard for me to accept that there are answers, close yet so impossibly far. I feel like I am ever so slowly drowning, and no one can toss me a lifeline because they are so tangled up.  

From one depressing topic to another: a movie update.  I have become obsessive about Schedule1movie.  It's almost impossible for me to enjoy anything else. The movie is tightly tangled up in the story I tell myself of surviving this diagnosis.  If I just make a good movie, explain the science, passionately describe my fight to live, of course the world will say, YES! We need to study Cannabis.  I know this is shockingly naive, but it is the story I tell myself to keep going.  I made the film to make political, societal, and medical change.  While I would love to attend film festivals and proudly walk around with a "Producer Pass" around my neck, that was just a perk of the project, not the goal.  Given this looming COVID19 pandemic, I have decided to forgo the festivals and release Schedule1 on YouTube.  I am quite sad to lose out on the festival experience, but oh well, it looks like the entire planet is going to be on social distancing lockdown with everyone missing out on everything.  All but the most sensational/clickbait content gets buried on youtube, so I will still have to work on media and promotions outside of the festival circuit.  I plan to make a few "take action" edits but I hope to upload the film next weekend.      

My favorite college class was a J term short course that used this as a textbook.  It was on the NYT bestseller list at the time, as I suspect it will be again.  A good addition to any quarantine reading list. And while on the topic of COVID19, here is a fabulous open-source collaboration that is mapping the genetic drift of COVID19 as it spread around the globe.  Science is so flipping beautiful and this gives me hope.  Look at what we have learned in just four months.  When the world wants to step up, work together and figure stuff out, we can!  (that was for you Jessie, ending on a positive note)  

hugs to all, oh wait, no hugs, MK  

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Comments (12)

  • James Cavins
    James Cavins

    I share your frustration Michelle, but don’t give up. I know you won’t. Yes there are hugs - just virtual hugs for now. You’re making the right decision to avoid travel and crowds for a while.

    2 months ago · Reply
    • Michelle Elyse Kendall
      Michelle Elyse Kendall

      yep. more quarentine. At least we have a beautiful back yard. We could be stuck in a tiny appartment.

      2 months ago · Reply
  • EvelynCavins
    EvelynCavins

    With everyone in isolation and self quarantine more people will be on their computers and will see the movie‼️ We are very hopeful‼️ Love you so much Mom

    2 months ago · Reply
    • Michelle Elyse Kendall
      Michelle Elyse Kendall

      way to be positive Mom.

      2 months ago · Reply
  • Jennifer Vinton
    Jennifer Vinton

    Sending you elbow bumps from the east coast. I’m sorry to hear your news was not stellar, but sounds like the door isn’t fully shut. Will do what I can to promote the film in my circles. Miss you

    2 months ago · Reply
    • Michelle Elyse Kendall
      Michelle Elyse Kendall

      have you seen videos of the Wuhan foot shake?

      2 months ago · Reply
  • Rosa McCullagh
    Rosa McCullagh

    Thinking of you, wanting this to work for you. I will do what I can to promote the film. Love you, Rosa

    2 months ago · Reply
  • Mary Ellen Tiffany
    Mary Ellen Tiffany

    As the star of this movie your words, wisdom and perseverance are a testimony to your strength. Brava Michelle

    2 months ago · Reply
  • Cherie mignone
    Cherie mignone

    Hi Michelle, I love reading your updates, so well written, so expressive, so on point. this time I especially loved "science is so flippng beautiful!" Science is also compelling. I think that even MORE people will see the movie on Youtube have their minds opened! Cherie Mignone

    2 months ago · Reply
    • Michelle Elyse Kendall
      Michelle Elyse Kendall

      Hi Cherie, with the rain I will be looking for our inigmatic and transient waterfall. If we have a hard rain followed by sun lets text and meet up for a viewing.

      2 months ago · Reply
  • Maria C
    Maria C

    I LOVE this photo Michelle. And I am thrilled that you are healthy enough to be making movies and campaigning four years into this journey. Congratulations! I know it's been a huge struggle, with many ups and downs, and not the journey you thought you'd be on, but my goodness you look great at 4! I have a sneaky suspicion your movie will be a hit on youtube. It deserves to be out in the open. Perhaps next look for a famous person to latch on to it? I'd start with Ariana Huffington. Or Oprah. or whomever may be within your six degrees of separation. ;-)

    2 months ago · Reply
  • Patty Tunnicliffe
    Patty Tunnicliffe

    Hang in there dear! You are one of the true Warriors, and we so admire you. Enjoy the rain, the flowers in the garden, and life! Your movie will make a powerful impact in ways you may never entirely know about, and one day progress will come . . . and, God is also using you in ways you may never really know to make changes and to offer hope and encouragement to others. Hugs and our love . . .

    2 months ago · Reply