Survive.

A few years back Jed decided to select a word of the year that would challenge us as a family. Past years we have embraced words like Mission, Gospel, Kindness, and Courage. With the craziness of quickly moving back to WI we did not take the time to decide on our family’s word for 2017. I remember Jed saying in January that we didn’t have a word yet, I told him halfheartedly that our focus word for 2017 was to just survive.

There are definitely days where the word survive rings true. With the battle of balancing everyday life, insurance, work, school, and kid’s emotions, doctor’s appointments, hospital trips, health routines; survivor mood kicks in. Life easily can become a list of tasks to accomplish while struggling to determine which things are higher priority. I occasionally have to stop myself to remember time is valuable and ask the question, “How do I want to spend it?” The truth is we may not be able to control all of the circumstances around us, but we decide how we respond. Do we stop to see the blessings of the small moments? So, our family is learning to laugh at the awkwardness of sleeping with machine attachments, finding joy in the moments spent with our kids over Starbucks dates at home, daddy being able to watch CJ’s baseball game from the car, playing family games, and having intentional conversations about life and God.

There are still many days and nights that I find myself asking why. Why God are you not taking away his pain? Why are you not helping him to breathe easier? Why are you not giving him more strength? Why has the call not come? Attempting to comfort him in moments of pain, sometimes with tears rolling down my face covered by the shield of darkness at night, I realize the best and only thing I can do is pray. No matter how organized my task list might be my attempts at control in life cannot change the condition of his lungs. That power is left only to God. I want so desperately to take control yet the only control I have is my response. How will I love my husband in this season? How will I meet the needs of my family? How will I treasure these small moments of joy? How do I help our kids to see God’s love in the midst of uncertainty?

Today Jed ended up back in the hospital again. His lungs are tired at 13% and any flare up at this stage lands him back in with IVs and increased treatments. Our family received the gift of ten days at home together to spend with family and friends, we are choosing to be grateful for that time. Now as Jed and I sit in the hospital together again we can easily become discouraged, so, we must choose to find the joy in the moment. Date night has taken a shift to hanging out in a hospital room together and visiting with staff while the kids are with grandparents. But we are together and that I will cherish today.

As Jed says, the moment we stop living is the day we start dying. In order to survive and as Jed would say ‘thrive’ we have to learn to press forward and lean on God for the strength to laugh and enjoy each day. Now I get to go back to the hotel room, I mean, hospital room and spend some time with my guy. The nurse pointed out that he even invited me to stay overnight in his room with him this time. ;)

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,”