Intermission at Chemo, the Musical

You guys...I'm halfway through chemo! Act I is over! Isn't that so hard to believe? AND today marks 3 months since I had my surgery, which is just crazy.  In some ways I feel like this insanity just began and in other ways it feels like it's been going on forever. It's a very strange place to be...this feeling of being in limbo while everyone goes about their normal lives.  But I know this isn't forever and can honestly say that (99% of the time:) I feel nothing but absolute gratitude for all that I have.  A warm home, supportive family and friends, wonderful doctors, health insurance, Netflix (hellooooooooo House of Cards Season 3 in TWO days!!)...I really am so fortunate and seriously count my lucky stars each and every day.

Overall, I have been doing pretty well and the 2nd and 3rd rounds of chemo have been SO much better.  I now receive chemo at my doctor's office downtown at Washington Square (it usually takes 6-7 hours) and then walk a block to Pennsylvania Hospital where I take up residence for 3-4 days.  It has made a world of difference and after that horrendous 1st round I am so grateful that we were able to make the necessary changes to make the recovery easier.  Being in the hospital really hasn't been bad at all.  It's the Oncology unit and there are only about 10 of us, each with our own room that has an extra bed in case I want someone to stay with me overnight. The nursing staff is awesome and I am happy to see the same faces every time I return.  They are all kind and compassionate and the minute I need anything or feel sick they are there in a flash.  Because of a low blood pressure issue that I continue to run into I usually maintain the IV fluids for a few days after I return home.

Now that the nausea is pretty much controlled after the first week, the only thing that is really holding me back is complete and utter exhaustion. I mean, I never in my life imagined I could be this tired! It's to the point now where I will empty the top rack of the dishwasher and have to go sit down for a while and rest. It's the kind of exhaustion that you can feel in your bones and sometimes all I can do is cry bc I am so wiped out. And that's another thing...there are a lot more tears going on over here than there were before. I think that now that I don't have the constant pain and nausea to focus on there is more room for the reality of the situation to creep in and let's be honest, the reality of having 1/4 of my mouth removed is not really a pleasant one.  It certainly isn't the end of the world and I am keenly aware that many people are in a much more dire health situation than I am, but this just is not something I ever imagined I would have to deal with in my life. Ever. And it is life changing on so many levels. But I am lucky. Lucky that I found it, lucky that it can be removed, and lucky that once chemo and the next surgery are over with I will be able to move forward in a new normal. Not easy, but absolutely doable.

Sooooooo, my lovely friends...let's all just take a second and recognize that we are all really, really lucky.  I'll stop complaining about cancer and you'll stop complaining about how friggin' cold it is and we can all just have a collective moment of feeling grateful=)

I leave you with the breathtaking beauty of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw

xoxo,

k