I am a human BEING
I had no scheduled therapy and no visitors today. To some people, that sounds like torture, but those who know me well know that I love time alone to be introspective or read. Unfortunately, I wasn't completely left to my own devices like it would seem. I had to have nurses help me get ready for the day, and they chose when I got out of bed rather than me. I was really frustrated when they refused to let me stay in bed an extra hour to nap this morning, but I took the opportunity to go visit the sheep, pigs, and goats and cry about my feelings while the animals bleated and snorted about their feelings. I talked to the burros for a little while too. I eventually did get a nap later in the afternoon, and when I was put in the chair for a second time today, I realized I had nothing to do.
I was just left alone with my thoughts, and during my introspection opportunity, I realized that I'm not very good at "being." I want something to do. I want to be a human doing. I'm used to the ability to do things, and right now I'm forced to be, to sit and think. How can I make the world a better place when my butt is glued to a wheelchair? I haven't got very far in the answer to that question, but I think it's intimately connected to the being/doing dichotomy of everyone's existence.
I'm back to the rigorous schedule of therapy beginning tomorrow, and, as always, could use prayers for strength and energy. Also, if you think of me this week, could you pray that I'll learn how to be human during my time in rehab? I'm so used to having tasks and finding purpose in that. Please pray that I find purpose in being here as the person God created me to be.
Comments (13)
God created an amazing human being in you and your parents nourished your growth. You will be a human "doing" again soon. I believe that if you read back over your blogs, especially those about the youth in your life, you will see that you are doing quite a lot of spiritual doing Even though you think you are not physically "doing" enough. Prayers continue for you. I love your writing and you, dear "Great" Niece!
Just too bad I don't learn to "read" my comments before I post to the English teacher's blog!
Praying!
Laura, your understanding of this concept is far beyond your years! WOW! I, too, have been working on this issue over the years and am truly seeing the connection with us humans thinking we need to 'do' for worth/validation and God says: "You have value because I made you". I will pray for you, for your finding purpose in each day and seeing the fruit of your work daily. Also, for strength and joy in your 'job' of getting well. Blessings!
Wise thoughts and frustrating at times. However, I'm in the David Bible study and he is currently running from Saul. You definitely are better off.
I really like your thoughts about "being," it is so refreshing in our world of doing and it is the thing that strikes to the soul. Praying for your time on the Locomat this next week. Praying for refreshment for your soul.
Laura - You truly are "doing" so many things even when your body is still. You are healing. You are recuperating. You are retraining your brain and your muscles and how they work together (which surely must be exhausting). You are thinking, evaluating, adjusting your attitude, learning new things, adjusting your expectations and writing about it. This is a lot to do! And while you do this, you are also inspiring others, teaching others, opening others' eyes to the challenges of the disabled. Your "job" is to heal as best you can. That is a lot. You are truly doing so much more than many 25 year olds with fully functioning bodies! You are doing a great job at being human and dealing with very challenging circumstances. Be proud.
Dear Laura, We prayed for you tonight in our family time. May you draw on God's strength each day in therapy. I'm praying for your request tonight to have peace and joy in just "being". The Crawford family
Just thought of a word that really encouraged me (as someone whose natural tendancy is to be performance driven: John 6:28,29 Then they asked him "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, " The work of God is this : to believe in the one he has sent." And this is exactly what we see you doing, through this extremely hard time! Lori Crawford
You are influencing so many lives, Laura. God has placed a tender heart in you to reach others for Christ. Your testimony as you recover is remarkable. Praying for you. Pat N.
No visitors all day Sunday?? :-( Glad you went out and bleated w/ the sheep!! We are the sheep of his pasture, and that sounds like a good way to get rid of some angst. I echo the thoughts of others - I think intimacy with God come from learning to BE in his presence, knowing we can't DO anything to earn his favor or his love. He's already given 100% of that to us - maybe 1000% :-) Hugs and I'll see you tomorrow!
Funny how God made us human beings, and we keep trying to be 'human doings'...I continue to learn this lesson too. Praying for rich blessings as you 'be' this week - in your PT, your thoughts, your worship. love from Helen
Interesting, I read your post yesterday and then came across this five hours later in a book I am reading, The Highly Sensitive Person: "Appreciate yourself for being, not doing." I was also thinking about how God delights in us just by our being as we delight in children just because they are them and not because of what they can do. God so delights in you, Laura, His child. Thanks for sharing more of your heart and your painful, but necessary, tears. xoxo