I am the 1%
Like any human, I have limits, and yesterday was an opportunity to find mine. Take your arms and hold them in front of you; now bend your torso forward. Did you fall over? Probably not, but yesterday I discovered my abs couldn't hold me up in that position.
Before I got there, I had some major accomplishments that I wanted to celebrate, but walking up and down five steps was a draining experience. At the end of the day, I had ergo therapy, and I found that arbitrary limit. It broke me. I started tearing up, and eventually let a couple quiet sobs out as Isabelle told me it was okay to not be able to do everything the week I started taking my corset off.
I knew in theory that my abdominal muscles atrophied away weeks ago, but this was my first super tangible experience of trying to do something simple and unrelated to walking - I was sitting down - that I failed at horribly. I was so disheartened and embarrassed, but Isabelle assured me the skills can come back quickly and I'm not behind on healing.
In fact, I'm still defying odds with every step I take to the dinner table. I had a one percent chance of walking again. One percent. It's not zero, but it's pretty close.
Today, I clung to that one percent as I had Andy help me up the same five steps I needed two people to help me up just yesterday. We then walked around a corner, and he helped me down another five stairs. It was exhausting, but I did it. Every day I do a little more, but I also feel that deep exhaustion lingering and exacerbated by the drugs to calm my muscles and make more steps possible.
I hope they start to pick up a little... See the leg tremors are still around though I haven't mentioned them for a bit. There are new meds to treat them, but the dose may still be to low. I crave your prayers that the tremors would disappear completely. This can happen faster if my calf muscles relax and my feet remember how to sit flat. These are critical issues related to walking again, but they honestly aren't my biggest concern. Please, please, please, I beg of you to pray that my digestive system is restored to its former glory. I'm keeping the bathroom door closed on the details, but my life is significantly more complicated and uncomfortable in the moment.
My odds are unknown on this recovery, but I'm audacious enough to ask for it all. I'm still praying for a full recovery, and I'm hopeful for return of functions soon. Please join me in this crazy request that God has no reason or need to answer aside from his delight in giving good gifts. What will we learn about his character as we petition him together?
Comments (19)
I believe with you that God can do it all, Laura.
"You have not because you ask not"...I'm with you - LET'S ASK!! and let the result of that asking be up to God. sending a good night hug from Kandern. h.
Okay, why not? - I'm audacious too and am asking the Lord to restore you COMPLETELY!
Laura, my men's prayer group in The Woodlands, TX and I are holding you up in prayer every day and mentioning your courage and faith every week when we meet on Thursday mornings (like we will tomorrow). We also believe with you that God can do it all.
Hey Laura. You poor old stick (yup, another daft british english expression for you). Don't worry about your abs, they'll be back on form soon enough. I remember well my corset coming off time. I thought I would never get used to the feeling of vulnerability without the support that that thing gave for those three months. But it didn't take long at all. Thinking of you, second sister. Wish you lots of peace and energy. :-)
Love you so much Laura and praying right now!!
Keep up the faith. God works, he is powerful, and you are awesome. You are the 1%, the best 1%.
Praying for you Laura.
Lord, May the hands of your Spirit reach inside Laura's body and restore her parts to the functions for which they were created. To YOU be the glory. Amen.
You are my heroine, Laura. Am praying for continued healing. You can do it. You have come so far in little over 3 months. God does answer all prayers. Love, Granny
Oh,God we pray for you continued healing and recover of our sweet joyous Laura... Jesus your power can do all things and you have truly shined though this presious child give her the strength to continue on Your journey
Praying - yes, He delights in giving good gifts...praying for those He has, is and will lavish on you!
Thank you for allowing us into your refreshing authentic journal of recovery…we care and continue to pray!
I pray God will answer our prayers for you dear Laura. You are the 1%!! Hugs!
Just letting you know from another front that prayers contine.
Praying audaciously this morning! :-) I love you and your faith and perseverance! He who knew you before the foundations of the world has this, and once again we ask Him to make you a NEW creation!
Grabbing to touch the fringes of His cloak with you Laura! Knowing the end of that story certianly makes us reach out for you with much hope!
Continuing to pry for you, Laura! I was just thinking of a previous posting when you asked us why those of us that don't know you well continue to read your updates.... I just met you at the Garni Haus, as I was there helping Johanna and Christine to get settled in. I regularly read your updates and pray for you first of all, because you are part of your BFA family. But, there are many others reasons..... A big reason: your writing pulls us in. You are allowing so many people the chance to see faith at work. Though, most of us have never experienced such a hardship, we all have those areas in our lives where we struggle to trust God to bring about what seems impossible. What you share from the heart encourages us to continue to trust and hope. And it is a privilege for us to pray and hope for your full recovery! Love in Christ, Lori
Go Laura. We are fearfully and Wonderfully made. Glad not to have to break open someones roof for you! Praying for courage , hope, good humour and healing! With love, and greetings from the ladies choir. Thomas working us hard but I think we are seeing results! xxx