Incredibly loved

I was prepared for my first social outing to be an emotionally overwhelming event, however, I was not prepared to receive quite the welcome that I did when I wheeled into the BFA staff appreciation dinner last night. I thought I could make an inconspicuous entrance since I'm short in my wheelchair. I'm a little suspicious the tall Canadian behind me was waving his hands or something to draw attention to me... I barely made it into the building before people started clapping, and then they started standing up across the room. From the outside, I'm sure it looked strange to see a room full of adults dressed to the nines applauding a wheelchair bound girl in sweatpants. For me, I was keenly aware of how incredibly loved I am, and I'm so grateful for it.

I had the wonderful opportunity to participate in the staff event as a fully fledged member of BFA's staff. I was reunited for the second time with all of my housemates at once. I got to ride in a real car - there and back. I even got to hold a real, live baby. It was a night full of normal things, and I was able to participate almost fully. There were still a few things that were different than how I envisioned I'd spend the night when I first came on staff, but those normal moments mean a lot.

I'm still overwhelmed at the idea of transitioning away from rehab, but knowing I can do some of these small things is a huge deal. Particularly, I have to lend my thanks to the Bryans who completely unknowingly assuaged one of my greatest fears. Early on I realized that I'm stuck in place when I'm holding something because I can't hold on and wheel, and the idea of holding a real, live baby seemed ridiculously impossible. Granted, this fear took root when I was still heavily drugged four months ago, but getting a chance to hold the Bryan's baby wiped that away. Plus, she is adorable.

I really do look forward to getting to have more normal interactions like last night. I know the more that I do outside of rehab, the more normal my life will become. As Jo's told me many times, whatever level of healing I get to, eventually that is my normal and I'll get used to it. There's still a lot of healing taking place, and I'm hopeful for significant strides in the coming weeks. I'm working hard with the therapists to learn how to stand and balance without using my arms; it's really difficult right now. Please keep praying for balance and bathroom improvements.