Undignified

The haunting round from RENT has been running through my head for weeks as I wonder, "Will I lose my dignity?" through this transition, through my return to the real world, through any number of difficulties. However, a different song pushed into my head as I thought of David returning the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. When his wife chastised him for dancing naked in the streets, David said, "I'll become even more undignified than this." The children's song I used to sing with the Port kids adds, "leave my pride by the side" to that line. 

I loved leading that song with grade school students. We'd dance and laugh, and I loved sharing the story of David with my teenagers to explain why I loved the song so much. Even so, I struggle to remember the message sometimes. I want to preserve my dignity - and, to be fair, sometimes that's appropriate. David knew when it was appropriate to have his dignity as well. I've got plenty of opportunities to be undignified, but Monday afternoon I had an important moment to hold on to my dignity. Mentally and emotionally, it was really important to me to walk out of REHAB. After I got off the elevator, I put my brakes on the wheelchair and stood up with my sticks. I walked through the lobby, out the doors, and across the ridiculously placed wooden paneling to the car. It was something of a hobble, but I kept my head high, and I'll continue to walk with dignity when it's appropriate. At other times I'll embrace the undignified when it's less of a hassle to sit in the car while my friend and dad go into the Swiss pharmacy to fill my prescriptions the German pharmacy can't give me. 

There's a lot of change happening in my life, and it's overwhelming and exciting. I'm grateful for the praises that I'm now in my new home, and it crave continued prayers as the details of living here in Kandern continue to be worked out. It's exhausting and challenging in a whole new way, but I know I'm not alone in this transition. I said goodbye to my nurses Monday - French, German, Swiss, and Greek - but I was welcomed back to Kandern by Germans, Brits, Canadians, and Americans who are excited to see me thrive here.

I've got to leave my pride by my side in order to thrive. I'm not perfect at that, but I'll do my best to dance undignified before the Lord. In my imperfection, I lack the energy to adequately describe the last forty-eight hours, but I promise it's been full of joy and stress, smiles and tears, answers and questions.