Under the Surface
I've been home for about an hour pondering what to write here. I know you're all waiting for an update on my urologist appointment, and I want to oblige. However, there's a lot of unprocessed emotions that come along with this appointment, and I'm not sure what to tell you. Big picture in my recovery, on the surface, things look pretty great (all things considered), but underneath, inside, things are still a mess. My nerves are still confused on how to send messaged and complete certain functions. I thought they were getting a little better, but the doctor told me today that's not the case.
It turns out what I thought was a step towards natural function is actually still nerve damage, and if I let it continue, it could cause kidney problems down the road. The doctor prescribed an increase in medication to protect all the systems under the surface which also increases the uncomfortable side effects of the medication. She emphasized that I was way better than when she saw me in August, but that I wasn't regaining natural function.
That's pretty hard to hear, but I also know my body is still changing and healing. I'm still not willing to give up. I'm begging God for another miracle - I still want to be healed. I still want you all to beg with me. In the mean time, I'll up my meds and continue with the safest methods of taking care of my systems. Don't ask me how I'm feeling on this one because I'm still not sure.
Comments (15)
Thanks for the update, Laura. We love you.
Hold on to Christ Laura. This is not a cliche. I literally need to do this daily for I am weak emotionally and physically. I am still fragile from burnout and depression (and that occurred years ago). I am in the States now with my family and I am overwhelmed with their needs. So much dysfunction. So much disorder and chaos. Daily I have been asking God to fill me and use me as a channel of blessing. I cannot fix myself or them. I too am so dependent on God for everything. Ask Bud and Olivia...I literally cling to the Lord...without His daily grace I could not live. So there you have it. I am a mess. That is why I am committed to pray for you...for from experience, I know God hears and will answer your daily needs and cries. With love from Philadelphia...
So very sorry for the negatives of your visit to the doctor. May God use the increased meds to prevent infection so your nerves CAN continue to heal instead of fighting infection. And may God give you grace to handle this news. Still waiting for the end of the story! ;-) And bless Barbara for sharing so openly and deeply. Amen to what she said. Still praying!
Begging with you.
The warriors & I will pray, Laura.
Dear Laura, I am saddened that you received negative news and still in awe of your strong faith and honesty. I will be praying that God answers your prayers for healed internal nerves and comfort. I know you will gain strength from your parents visit this month. Love you, Aunt Corrine
Sometimes a father is left with no words... so instead I will give to you the words of THE Father (via his servant Paul in the book of Ephesians chapter 3): This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confidant access through faith in Him... that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man...Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us, to HIM be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever, Amen. Thanks my precious daughter for allowing the glory of the Father to shine through you... it is a gift to me like no other could ever be...
Praying with you, and love you Laura. #gotyourback ;) -Niebs
Standing with you! Dear Father, please touch the nerves and unjangle them so they can be doing what you created them to do. Thank you.
We started Advent last night and lit the HOPE candle. It is a reminder that through Jesus we have hope. Not only our eternal hope that God will someday bring us fully into His glorious presence in heaven, but also the hope that gets us through each moment of each day, knowing our God is the only God, who won't leave us to despair in this life. Praying His hope- both for the eternal and the daily- overwhelm you today and each day forthcoming. We all love you, miss you and pray for you each day, -the Stephens
I am always amazed at your faith, granddaughter. I, too, am praying for complete healing of your nerves and everything else in your body. I love you so much. Granny
While praying with you for a complete healing, rest in His embrace, know that He has you completely. Your emotions, your struggles, your heartache, they are all things He can handle. When my family was going through a particularly hard time, a time of confusion and grief, reading A Grief Observed by CS Lewis was so refreshing to my soul. Even on those days, when I didn't really understand what, why, or any of the other things I wanted to understand. It's okay to not want to put a finger on it, to feel frustrated, confused, and even just sit and have a good cry. Just know that HE loves you more than life itself, He is your greatest cheerleader, your greatest strength, and the rest of us, we are His arms, and legs, ready to wrap around you in the ways He calls us to. I love you my friend, and my heart reaches out to yours to strengthen you with love, peace, and trust in His plan, even when He seems to be working around the bend where you cannot see, sometimes the hardest place to be in this life.
Praying with you and for you.
I will continue to pray to our miracle working God!
Also begging God with you, for you, in PA.