I Want It All

Just like Queen, I want it now, too.

Sunday night at family group, we talked about prayer, and one of the adults asked me if the group could pray over me before we finished for the night. I will never turn down prayer. As he presented the idea to the group, he said, "I'm not sure what healing looks like." That struck me pretty powerfully because that's been something I've wrestled with over the past year. Someone asked what I'd like them to pray for specifically, and I responded, "I want it all." I clarified that while I do want everything physical restored, I'm also not sure what healing looks like, but I know it's more than physical. When I say I want it all, I mean physical, emotional, and spiritual healing of things that were broken even before my accident last January. 

My friend Carol was one of the people there who prayed over me in family group, and in her prayer she mentioned how after strangers prayed over me on New Years, I had a toe wiggle so she asked God that the people who knew me well - and Carol is one of the people here who knows me best - could invite healing of the things that need deeper healing. I walked to school with Carol this morning, and she asked if there had been any noticeable changes. "Nothing I can see," I told her, "But I think there're things I can't see that are healing."

We talked a little bit about how we were anticipating good things, and I added that I had been thinking about something a Bible professor presented in class years ago. When learning about Peter's epistles, Dr. Hauff had explained that Peter was big on acting out your faith because being a Christian isn't about waiting around for handouts. Of course God does miracles, but he delights in our faithfulness in the responsibilities we've got. I've got a responsibility to walk as much as my body will currently allow. I've got a responsibility to use the muscles I have, to stretch, and to push my limits in every natural way possible. Last Monday, I pushed my legs to a new limit by walking a whole kilometer without sitting down.

Take a moment to reread the last sentence; it was a doozy. Feel free to congratulate me on this new achievement. It's a big marker for me, but far from the end of my journey. 

There is a fine balance to strike between hard work to earn natural rewards and anticipating supernatural leaps ahead of what I can do on my own. I wake up each morning hoping to wiggle every toe and flatten my feet on the floor; so far, that hasn't happened, but I can now get my heels to touch the ground with my full body weight stretching my calves to a normal length and that single toe still strains against the stiffness each morning to answer the signals sent by my brain. I'll keep working hard, and I'll never stop anticipating miracles. 

My family group will be right there with me each step of the way - metaphorically and literally. As I reflected on all this with Carol this morning, Chris, who had asked to pray for me Sunday, came around the corner. He asked how I was doing, and I smiled, able to answer honestly that I was doing well this morning. My heart is grateful that I can walk to work even if I still need an escort to bring along my wheelchair. When my family group prayed over me, they also anointed me. Before putting oil on my hands and head, Jeff mentioned that the early church consistently anointed people for something. I was prayed over and, as we asked for my healing, anointed for my service here in Germany. This year, I get to teach an incredible group of students, and next year I get to teach Carol's daughter, Chris's twin sons, and Jeff's daughter. These people have a personal interest in my anointing, and they want me fully - holistically - healed.

I usually ask for physical healing here, but I want it all. I'm coming clean; I want healing of the deepest unseen things. I don't even know what all the broken parts of me are, but I'd ask you to pray with me for every part of me - the nerves, the muscles, the bones all alongside the heart, the hurt, and the soul that all crave restoration.