Teamwork
This weekend I went over to some friends' house for dinner, and we ended up playing Settlers of Catan. At one point in the game, I blocked another player from connecting his roads, and he realized the only way to keep his wife from winning was to help me. It quickly became a crazy two team game which I ultimately won with the help of Chris. I also never would have made it up the stairs to his apartment without help. It took some teamwork for me to even get to the game, but I made it. It's the same in a lot of other situations, I need some help - it takes teamwork for me to get some places. It's pretty humbling.
I'm so incredibly grateful for the teamwork that gets me places though because I find it pretty rewarding to walk up a flight of stairs, settle down on the couch, and have a five year old kid snuggle up next to me and ask me to color with him in his 3D dinosaur coloring book.
Last night at family group, we talked about what things in our lives we're holding on to with an illusion of control that we need to surrender to God. It was a really tough question for me. I frequently joke about how God took my legs away to teach me about dependence, and now I'm learning to walk again, and I treasure my moments of independence. I had to take a good hard look at my life to figure out where I have held too tightly to control that isn't really there and need to let go again.
I think the biggest area in my life where I struggle with control is asking for help. It's a crazy paradox though because I don't need as much help as is offered to me. This is really difficult for most people to understand, and it's difficult for me to articulate.
I need to learn to ask for help, but I also need others to learn that I'll ask for help when I need it.
One of my biggest fears going to visit the States next month is that people will jump in to help me when I don't need it and I'll end up regressing physically because of it. When people push my wheelchair without me asking, it's not only demeaning, it weakens my arms which are really important to keep strong in my condition. On the other hand, I'm not safe enough to go up and down stairs by myself. I need someone below me to carry a stick while I hold the bannister and spot me if I need it.
Comments (6)
Good guidelines to help people understand the diffenence between when help is needed and when it actually defeats success. Thank you.
God is an awesome teacher for us all...
Perhaps a list of Helps and Not Helps would be useful! Will pray for continued progress and strength..x
When those situations arise, you could say, "Thanks, but right now it would actually be better for me [and insert reason why, if appropriate, such as "for keeping muscle strength"] if I do this." If you know that something is coming up soon, you could add, "but when I ______, you could help me by _____."
It's interesting that people jump in to help someone with a physical "disability," as though the boundaries don't exist as they would for anyone else. Jumping in without asking. Like a pregnant woman's belly being fair game for the world to touch when in reality it is a very private possession. I am glad you are a person who makes and maintain boundaries, Laura. Sometimes I have thought, just speaking generally, that some people's need to help is just that--more about their need than the person who is the object of their help. And maybe these words seem casual to you when writing them: "...to walk up a flight of stairs." But they blow me away. Wow, is all I can think. WOW.
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ELLIE