Holistic Healing
This isn't the first time I've talked about wanting to be healed of everything wrong with me. I've been pretty vocal about the fact there were things broken in me before my accident, and God is doing a mighty work to mend my heart through this healing process. Part of that is facing some emotional trauma from when I was in high school. Rather than writing here last week about my physical recovery, I chose to sit down and write a verbal acknowledgement of some of the hurtful things in my past that both I did and were done to me. I hit 10,000 words in four days. I slowed down a little after that, but I'm at 13,000 and still going strong.
Obviously, that's not going to be posted here. However, there's an important connection between that emotional healing and my current physical recovery. Both actually require a lot of emotional energy which affects my physical condition. I've dealt with a lot of the terrible things I said and did in high school, but there are still lingering effects that I've done my best to repress. Actually, I did a pretty good job of repressing them for a decade, but this physical recovery has brought them back to the forefront of my mind. I know I'm not the same self-centered, short-sighted poor communicator that I was at sixteen, but I still deal with a lot of lingering shame related to who I once was and how I once behaved. I really benefit from affirmations of who I am today rather than the accusations that haunt me of who I once was.
I always intend to keep you updated on my holistic recovery - that's mostly a look at the emotional side. The comments I've received from people about my improved walking since returning to school are significant though. It's consistent across the board that people are noticing a difference. I'm using the walker a lot more, and that allows me to go longer distances because I have the option of sitting down if I need to. I can also carry my bag to school without having someone bring it along with the wheelchair, so I have a new independence coming and going to work. I still have plenty of dependence on others, and I'm learning to find the balance in asking for help when I need it and using the capabilities that I have.
On that note, I need your help. I need a store of affirmation for when those accusations creep into my mind. A comment here, an email, a postcard to my house or to me at the school. It sounds really selfish to ask, but I have to. Writing out and reflecting on who I was really pulled me down to a dark place, and I need help to stay out of there.
Comments (16)
Laura, you are a beloved Daughter of God. He is so, so glad in His creation of you.
As we read together many times.... I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. As always I am pleased to see you growing in the arms of your Savior. All my love , Dad
Mark 2:17, Luke 7:47 praying for you today
Laura, you are an amazing woman! I don't know you super well, but what I've seen and heard from you is awesome. Keep close to God and he will stay even closer to you.
Facing our past, the dark side helps me see grace in a new light. It turns me from mistrust of God [how can He love me when..., how can He use me knowing....] to a new and fresh appreciation of the redeeming work of my Savior as I learn to trust Him. Christ came for those who were sick. It is easy to listen to the accuser when I face the past but the light at the end of the tunnel grows brighter the more I to listen to my Advocate who says I am not condemned. Laura, I applaud you for unearthing the dark part of your past. In the long run your life will be more fertile and the healing grace of our Lord will make your life even more fruitful. May you hear the sweet voice of our Lord, "neither do I condemn you." "He has called us out of darkness into HIs wonderful light." You go girl!
Our Lord is all about redemption and He has redeemed your life from the pit. You are a beautiful, caring, loving, young woman that shows the love of Christ in many remarkable ways. I love being your friend!
Laura my friend, former student, babysitter for my precious girls who are now teenagers and in high school and college. I am so proud of you and your perseverance. Keep on seeking Him and know that He is as close as your next breath. All my love and prayers!! Mrs. Richardson AKA-Marcia
The matuation process--physical, emotional, and spiritual--alone should show the change from selfish immaturity to a more healthy adult. Reflecting is o.k. for determining growth, but the Accusor would love to trap you into negative thoughts. It isn't who your were, but who you are now and who you are becoming--and that is an awesome person. When down, just remind yourslef that once forgiven, God doesn't remember our sins; he places them as far as the east is from the west. Praying with you.
The Good Shepherd always stands between the sheep and the wolf. Xx
Laura, one of the special BFA/CSK teachers I know well tells her students to be "bucket fillers," always seeking to fill others' buckets with affirmations and other good stuff. May your bucket be filled and overflow as you hear and take in the special words others send your way. You are an inspiration to so many both near and far. Pam Nicholson
Laura, you are a solid friend, a visionary, a thinker and a dreamer. My life is enriched every time I hang out with you. I'm so thankful for the person you are now.
Laura, You are beautiful and a new creature. New truth, new reflections, and healing take time. I love your new skills and independance and may God free your heart and mind from the past. You are His and no one can snatch you out of His hand.
From Granny to you, Laura. You are a beloved child of God and He, of all, doesn't hold your past against you. You have worked so hard to be where you are and you will walk someday with feeling in your legs and feet and other physical things will be healed. Remember Hebrews 11:1. And I always said I knew you would walk out of Rehab, back when. Love you. We are in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.
IF we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins ÀND to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness [the unknown, forgotten, repressed stuff]. 1 John 1:9 - emphasis mine. Romans 8:1 There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION for those in Christ Jesus. If he doesn't condemn you, why do you condemn yourself. Yes , take an honest look at your past, reconcile with those the Lord brings to mind, confess the rest and then move on in his grace, telling Satan to get behind you. I love you and your willingness to share with us.
I find this verse so affirming, and I hope you will also. I stand in the truth that God is sovereign in my life, He has it all covered and he loves me and I don't need to fret. Isaiah 14:24 The Lord of All has promised, “It will happen just as I have planned it. As I have planned, so will it be. As a friend of your mamas I have followed you and prayed for and with you, Laura. Your are a beautiful young woman, beloved, and cherished. ❤️Debbie
Laura, you are a shining beacon of perseverance and faith! An inspiration to all who know you and most especially to your students! How blessed they are to have you lead them, teach them, and encourage them to turn to God when life gets tough. As to those negative things you want to be healed of....God has got all that. Once we have sincerely asked forgiveness and opened our heart to receive it, it's done! Dead! Over! We are new creations through His forgiveness and your slate is wiped clean so you can live happy, healthy, and free from self-depreciation in Him! Maybe I misunderstood what you were doing by going back to a dark time. I apologize if so. I just felt so moved to say these things, so I did. I'm praying you feel Jesus' love and forgiveness as never before and thanking Him for the woman of God that you are!