December 6, 2016
We are over this feeding tube. Today the nurses showed Dan and I how to remove and replace the feeding tube. It's something that will have to be done by one of us, once a week, if they decide we need to go home with it. I hate it so much. We are over the hospital and done with the cords and tubes and constant interruptions. This mama and baby need sleep and sustenance, on our own time and schedule. Everything is hard and frustrating in a completely different way than it was one, two, three weeks ago. It feels like our life is on hold and I do sincerely appreciate how far we have come. This is the most minor and final hurdle in an Olympic record of hurdles (I'm being a drama queen, I know) and I am over it.
Pump
Feed
Refrigerate
Freeze
Repeat
Oh it's 3pm already? Have I eaten today? Crap. Need food. Mmm Bread. All the carbs. I should eat a vegetable. Hand full of spinach...check. Coffee...(go decaf, Nicole). Pump, feed, refrigerate, freeze. More water, gotta drink water. All the water. Don't forget to ask the doc...it's midnight already? I gotta get some sleep. I'll stay up until the next feed and THEN I'll get some sleep. Oh it's 7am already? Pump, feed, refrigerate, freeze. We need a routine...can't keep doing this. Pump, feed, refrigerate, freeze. Last shower was uhh...3 days ago. Today has to be a shower day, Nicole. Gotta get to the store today, need face wash, need razors, and deodorant, need cheez-its. "Need"...that's cute.
Pump
Feed
Refrigerate
Freeze
Repeat
I'll go to the store tomorrow...tomorrow's tomorrow...sometime this weekend. Don't forget to ask the doc...Is it Wednesday already? In December?! Oh, wow.
I hope we are home by Christmas.
Comments (7)
I'm sure this seems like a never ending bad dream to you and Dan. Your devotion to Louis is unwavering and tremendously admired. But to stay strong for him, don't forget to take care of yourselves. Anyone reading your journal can understand the need to vent once in a while. Please know you are all still in our thoughts and prayers. Warmest wishes to you during this holiday season.
I am so happy to hear of Louis' improvements. I continue to pray for you all.
Awww, by the look in Louis' eyes, he wants to be all alone with his mommy & daddy too. Prayers that that will happen very soon!
Hey Nicole, I totally understand your frustration with all the demands of breastfeeding! With Connor, being how he was 6 weeks early and did NICU time, he was on feeding tubes at first too. I remember pumping around the clock for the nurses to feed him in the tube and how unrewarding it felt, even though that's what helped him survive. It's hard work and a huge commitment, but you are doing an awesome job at being a mom by doing it! It is also tricky going from tube to breast, takes them awhile to get it down and in the meantime you are trying to breastfeed, then still pumping and doing a bottle around the clock. But with the sounds of everything you've been through with poor Louis, you have been the worst of it and you will get through the breastfeeding hurdle too! Good luck and great job mommy! :)
GOD's grace Keep the faith And think...everything in life is Temporary
Louis looks totally over that feeding tube too. =) I found it helped to watch a really horrible tv show like America's next top model to help me with those relentless pumping and nursing sessions in the early months. SLIGHTlY different from what you're going through (=)) but stupidly entertaining. For some reason popping the milk-cubes out of the tray and pouring new milk in was enough to make me go insane, so I just made sure I could watch a bad show while i was doing it. Anyhow, I know you're right in the thick of it and you just want to vent a bit- so I hear you! You're doing it! Hugs to you-
God Bless you and the strength you have.