ALL the Emotions , R1 D9
Oh, Hello there, every emotion I could ever have. Nice to see you all at the same time. Explosively. All the little forest animals just scattered as I had a minor (major) breakdown last night. My poor mother in law probably didn't see that coming. I didn't see that coming. I should have. I mean, who are we kidding, I am NOT the kind of person who can keep herself together 100% of the time. Honestly, 40% of the time is a stretch.
So, in the past 24 hours there has been a lot of emotional spillage going on. It seemed horrifying, embarrassing, and gratifying at the time. For me, I can say that it was probably for the best. Apparently, day 9 of being away from my kids and stressing about a sick husband is the tipping point. Good news is, I'm good now. I've cried the tears, which could have replenished the land in California, and I've talked about all of the things that were brewing. Done. Moving on.
Checked in with Station 74 this morning. I was thinking, let's make this quick, we have kids to see and kiss and squeeze till their eyeballs pop. You know how when you think something will be super quick, it never is? Like going into Target for 1 thing? The universe laughs. I'll spare you all the details, but there was a long discussion about bowel habits. Once we moved on from that, we waited and waited for them to say, "Get outta here!" They were super busy this morning and so it took them awhile to get around to dismissing us, but when they did, tires were screeching. Rochester in the rearview mirror.
Mike finally relaxed once we were in the car for a little while. He was really nervous that he would get sick and then what would we do in the middle of Iowa? Things went great though. We were singing a beautiful duet to a song on the radio and I asked Mike if he thought we were better singers than the actual professional singer. He said, "Yeah, we're better than Tim and Faith!" Go ahead and laugh now, I'll wait.
It was so nice to see him smile again. A day without Mike smiling or laughing is so depressing.... and apparently makes me lose my sanity. (See opening paragraph.) We started the drive in 9°, snowy conditions. We arrived home to bright sunny skies an 53°! It was, metaphorically, exactly how our day went.
I had my phone out, ready to capture the moments when we walked in the house and greeted the kids, but it didn't go like it did in my head. We opened the door and the second Mike saw the kiddos and hugged them he lost it. Cue ALL the emotions for Mike. I'm sure he would love to know I'm telling you all this, but seriously, this is the stuff. This isn't easy. We aren't always strong, or joking. There are these real moments when just the sight of your children, whom you've missed so much with your entire being just drops you to you knees. Mike cried, so I cried, Nancy cried, and I couldn't see John. It was that moment when we realized just how HARD the week had been. Not just the chemo, but EVERYTHING. So. Dang. Hard.
A little later on, we went through the stack of cards that had come in the mail. (Ignored the bills) People are so incredibly thoughtful and generous and kind and loving. Maybe some of you should run for President. I can't explain it. If you ever get the chance, and trust me, the opportunity is around you all the time, take the time to tell someone you're thinking of them. It can change a person's life. We are so humbled that people we haven't seen or spoken to in years would take the time to send a card just to say they are praying for us or thinking of us. KINDNESS. Pass it on.
Tomorrow morning we go to meet with the new doctor in KC. Hope we like him, because Minnesota was so dang cold...
Love you guys,
xoxo
Robin
Comments (26)
So glad you're home!
Home sweet home. The moment you had when you first saw the kids...makes me cry too. Life is so precious. You guys are so precious. Happy you are all together tonight. Xoxo
So happy to hear you are home. Nothing better than Home sweet Home!!! Cuddle up and let yourself be pampered by those that are around. And if you Guys want some alone time, just tell them can you come again some other time. Everyone understands. Love ya and hugs to all. Tammy
Welcome home. It really is where the healing happens. Scream out loud, Robin. Cry. Break things. It's normal & okay. Such big hugs for you all!!
Happy you're home! If it's any consolation, I just went from crying to laughing out loud to crying again all while reading your updates. Robin, you're stronger than you believe but NO ONE is strong all.the.time! You are so right about people sending a card. We learned that about 11 years ago also. God bless you all!
You got me crying! So happy you're home! I'm sure the kids were just as happy to see you! I'm sure you will rest well tonight. Can't wait to see you Saturday! Big hugs!
Your babies are your soft spot! I'm so happy that you are home and in their presence. Many hugs and many prayers as you have surpassed this long emotional day.
Hang in there. God is watching. I think of you guys everyday. I hope your enjoying your first night back home. Maybe you can meet my best friend who will also be in & out of KU Med now & staying at the Hope Lodge with her husband. You girls will love each other. And I'll be jealous of both you getting to spend time with each other. See....people really are jealous of your life no matter how bad you may think it seems. I'll tell her to start keeping an eye out for you. P.S. Nugget is fast asleep now after hearing about his Farmer Mike. He can't wait to meet him. P.P.S. We love you guys & wish for nothing but sunshine on your rainy days! (: xoo
Sometimes the best medicine in the world is just being able to be home . I think and pray for you daily and remembered Mike and you during my hour of adoration tonight . Asking Our Lord to bless you both with understanding , strength , endurance , his healing power and bless you with everlasting peace in your hearts. I read your post every evening and, I only have admiration for you trying to stay positive and the way you face each day and carry on . I think it is a good thing to release your emotions and it by no means shows weakness . So happy you are able to be home and soak up all the love from your children , that has to be a powerful shot in the arm for MIke . Stay positive keep your chin up and know that you are not alone in your journey . Love & Prayers, Judy Strathman
Robin and Mike, I don't know you but I am totally praying for you both to stay strong and trust that God has it under control. Your journal entries are wonderful and will be a treasure for you yo look back on after you have won this battle! Prayers!!
Mike and Robin So glad you are home with your kiddos and families. It was good all the built up emotions came out, one of many times I'm sure. Robin I love your posts, have laughed and cried with you. I hope all goes well tomorrow. Thoughts and prayers are with you guys everyday. Bonnie Bjerke
Glad to hear you are home! Hang in there. We are thinking of you and praying for the best!
I'm so glad you guys are home. You will have moments of normalcy through this. Hang in there and know that your Vermont "stranger friends" are sending prayers too! At Mass yesterday, intentions went out to all of those fighting and recovering from cancer. An entire church (half of them Kindergarten through 6th graders since it was the catholic school mass) was praying for you! Also, my daughter was 4 when I went through this. It is amazing how flexible and resilient kids can be through something so intense. Take care, Jessica
Robin, U guys r so strong! I can't help but shed a tear, or a thousand when I read ur posts! Ur hurting is very hard to read! I know this must b the hardest thing in life to deal with and with ur 3 little kiddos! I know u guys can do this! We r always praying for u and here for u in anything u would ever need...we will drop everything for u in a heartbeat! Stay strong...those kiddos need u! U both r doing the best u can! Love u always!
So glad you are home with your babies! I can't even imagine all of the emotions you are going through. Just reading this makes me cry. Robin, thank you for keeping us updated. As much as I hate to hear what you are both going through I'm so glad to know how it's going so I don't have to wonder. I have Mike, you and the family in my daily prayers. We have you on our prayer chain at church as well. May God keep you strong for Mike and your children, may he give Mike all the strength he needs to fight this. ((Hugs to you both))
So glad you made it home safely. You have been doing such a good job of telling your story, both happy and sad. It helps us all to understand what you and Mike are going through. We are here for you and you have our prayers daily. Love you and have a good week end with your kids!
Praying for you guys! Love ya
You're always thanking everyone for their kindness and help. Really, I want to thank you for taking the time to be real and open and utterly vulnerable during this time. It allows the rest of us to focus the lens that is our own life. What really matters and what doesn't. Love is precious and mysterious and all those things we cannot begin to describe. You're living it and helping the rest of us out by example. We're glad you're home, mostly so LJ will stop asking, ha! Not a day goes by that you're not thought of in the Weber household. Stay tight in that bubble! We send our love from afar <3
Some days Robin, all you can do is breathe....and that's ok! (Hugs)
So happy you are home!! Safe travels to KC!!
Mike & Robin, big big hugs to you and your family & God speed, this is quite the journey you are on. I think this post may have made every reader shed a tear! I can't imagine the roller coaster ride you are on, continue to find reasons to smile - as your journal definitely shows you are! I hope you continue to find strength every day in each other, your children and your family. I hope being home brings some normalcy back into your life and makes things easier - if that's possible.
Home sweet home. Glad the car ride went smoothly.....any chance of a recording of you 2 singing? Anyways....hope you bottled up all the tears....because we need them out here in California! Thx soo much again for sharing. Stupid joke of the day: Q. What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A. Snowballs (of course!)
Praying, crying and thinking of you daily. Glad to have you back home! :)
This brought tears to my eyes! So glad you are home! Love and hugs to you all!
Robin, knowing that you had a few things on your to do list last night, thanks so much for posting! I definitely was thinking if you all were getting to head back home. Although reading this last night, I could of shed a tear, I am so glad you don't sugarcoat anything (minus the bowel stuff). It is a sad reality of the emotional rollercoaster that the patient, family and caregivers are on! Hoping for better days ahead!!!!! I will be waiting patiently for your duet to be posted! I had no idea the level of talent you two had! Hugs to you both!
So glad you were able to make it home. Sending lots of prayers to all of you. Don't feel to bad about emotional breakdowns its bound to happen. I had mine at the doctors office when both mom and dad were doing bad. I'm not a crying type of person but for some reason when the doctor asked how I was that day I lost it and starting sobbing. He looked so panicked and horrified that I then preceded to start uncontrollably laughing. Needless to say, he made me leave that day with a prescription for my self. Love and prayers! David and Jennifer (Handke) Miller