4-17-16, R4 D13, Rough Week, Mouth Sores and Disappointment

I had a feeling that things were feeling too good to be true last Tuesday. The reality and truth that I have come to finally believe is that each week gets harder. Each round is harder. I wanted so badly to believe that he might be handling it better, but the truth is that chemo is far more powerful than anyone's will to be stronger than it. I know it's a good thing, though. It's killing the cancer inside of him.

On Wednesday the chemo effects started to taking hold. Mike felt completely wiped out and spent most of the day in his recliner and in bed. His mouth sores were starting to come back, which makes it hard for him to eat much.

Thursday didn't show much improvement, but he did get up and get around the house a little bit more.

Friday he was feeling a tiny bit better, but not much. We had to go to the Doctor's office to get his bloodwork done, change his PICC site bandage, and meet with the Nurse Practitioner. I made sure he had lunch to help avoid the spectacle that we went though last time when he passed out after the bloodwork. While we were talking to Jennifer, the NP, he started to get really pale again, and said he felt like he was going to pass out. Luckily, we caught it in time, and he didn't. I told the nurses that they can all help me attest to the fact that our most dramatic child gets it from him and not me! Right?!

His labs came back not looking so great. That explained why he wasn't feeling so good! His neutrophils were nearly 0, which basically meant that he had no cells to fight infection. They should start coming up from the Neulasta shot though, soon.

We discussed options for treatment for the mouth sores, got his labs done, got another bag of fluids, and lastly, his PICC care. We finally got out of there a few hours later, and made a beeline for the pharmacy to pick up his meds for the mouth sores.

I had been really looking forward to a surprise trip that I was taking the kids on, to see my sister, Brenda, in Denver. My other sister, Jen, was also going to go with us. The kids didn't know we were going to be flying (the first time for the girls), and my sister didn't know we were coming. We were flying out there on Saturday and coming home on Tuesday. It was going to be the perfect get away to help distract me, maybe relax a little, and pass the time until the PET scan on Wednesday.

Unfortunately, I received an email that they cancelled our flight due to the snow storm that was hitting Denver all weekend. I can't even tell you how disappointed I was. I called Brenda in tears telling her how my big plans for the weekend had just fallen apart.

Saturday morning Mike showed me how bad his tongue was getting. I feel so bad for him. The only good news about it, is that the cells in his mouth cycle so fast that by the afternoon his tongue was looking better. Unfortunately, he can feel them starting in his throat now, too. I'm attached a couple pictures of his tongue. Sorry if it is too much for some of you. It's the reality of this beast, though.

The girls had a sleepover with my sister Jen on Saturday night, and they had a blast. Lucy told us all about how, "The chickens, those noisy ones, I think it's a rooster, woke me up! It was going, CROCK-A-Doodle-DOOOOOOO and I had to get up. It even woke up Tyson!" (Jen's dog) She then told us how she couldn't believe that they were awake in the kitchen when Jen Jen's phone alarm went off. It was crazy to her that they were already awake before the alarm. I could listen to her stories all day!

This week ahead is going to be a big one. We have a lot going on, and of course, the anxiety about the scan is exhausting me. I'm so ready to just do this and find out where we're out! Mike hasn't said much about it, but I'm afraid of how he would take the news if it isn't good news. I need to refocus my energy and thoughts on changing the things I can change, and that PET scan and results are NOT things I can change. My attitude? That's something I can change. I'll start there!

Bring on the week!

XOXO

Robin