What?! You mean chemo wasn't complete on June 16th - my last chemo treatment?!

So for some reason I assumed when Michael, my chemo nurse Superman, pumped the last bit of my chemo cocktail in my system on June 16th, I would feel feel like a rockstar in a couple days.  NOPE!  I have felt absolutely awful - actually this is the worst I have felt on chemo.  I have neuropathy in my feet, my muscles and joints are sore and tight, and the pinball nerve pain continues to hit me in every part of my body.  Oh yeah, let's throw in a bit of vomiting and some sort of sinus infection I caught from my lil angel Abbey due to my low immune system.  Oh, it's been a treat.  I can barely walk and I have spent most of my days on the couch with a bit of complaining like a big baby.  My poor hubby - he has had to put up with all this and take care of the kids, pets and house (like he has done since November).

Ha - I guess Dr. Amir, my most amazing Oncologist, was correct when he told me the four weeks following my last chemo cocktail would be absolutely awful.  For some reason I thought this did not pertain to me.  Come on - I worked full time through almost my entire chemotherapy treatment.  For some reason I thought I would be immune to these last four weeks . . . I was special.  Boy, was I wrong.

The positive - I am through two of the four weeks of chemo hell.  The finish line is in sight, and I must keep my eye on the prize even when I am absolutely ready to throw in the towel.  Believe me . . . my towel has hit the ground a few times recently, but I pick it back up with the little energy I have left, wipe my tears, and keep going.  Remember, most human beings only have approximately 30,000 days on this earth.  I refuse to waste my remaining 16,000 (or so) days feeling sorry for myself.  Don't get me wrong, a few of these days will be sleeping or laying on the couch managing pain.  I have no choice, this is my journey and unfortunately part of the journey includes cancer, and I cannot change that. But I get to decide how my feelings respond to this time.  I am stronger than this cancer and this is my fucking life - not cancer's!

The time between my last chemo treatment and my bilateral mastectomy on July 13th will not be what I expected, but I cannot change that.  I thought I would be feeling great, and doing the most I can with my family and friends to take advantage of this time.  As this will not be possible, I refuse to sit and pout . . . okay maybe I have already pouted a bit ;)  Now I am going to just take advantage of the good days or even good hours I have been fortunate enough to have.  Like now, some very amazing friends (which I have been extremely grateful for through my cancer journey - I so love them) are on their way over to spend the day eating, drinking, swimming and laughing with us.  My spectacular husband has been preparing all day, and the kids are super stoked!  So I must sign off for now, thank my blessings and get ready to make some memories.  I sincerely hope the same for all of you.  Happy Canada Day or Independence Day weekend . . . XOXO