Day 4 - HOPE

This morning brought exciting news as we found out Red's MIBG scan got moved up a day, to tomorrow. This means he will hopefully be extubated tomorrow which means WE WILL GET TO HOLD HIM TOMORROW. After almost 48 hours of not holding him, this news has been thrilling to hear. Up until last night I couldn't even touch him or talk to him too much as he would get too excited and fight against his air tube. Hearing that I couldn't touch my baby broke me in a way I can't explain. 

Today and tomorrow bring another MRI, another chest xray, and a bone marrow draw. More answers to the questions around what type of neuroblastoma we are dealing with. We continue to pray each procedure goes smoothly and efficiently and we get encouraging news. 

This has been a very humbling couple of days. The first 24 hours after we heard the word 'CANCER' we found ourselves saying 'This shouldn't be us! We don't deserve this!' Within hours of calling the children's cancer center our new home the foolishness of those words sunk in. NOBODY. DESERVES. THIS. Especially not all these perfect little kids. 

Conversations are getting a little easier for us. We can use the word cancer more freely, and we don't fall to pieces with each discussion. On the one hand we feel encouraged that we are getting stronger in these moments. Those moments of strength are fleeting as we feel that sick and twisted feeling in our guts that reminds us that our child has cancer, and there's nothing strong about that. 

I genuinely cannot even comprehend or keep up with the love pouring in from every direction right now. Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!! It has been very hard to respond to our phones today as we have navigated procedures and meetings, but please know we are reading every single note we are sent, enjoying the amazing things that have magically shown up at the PICU, and feeling so much comfort in all of those pitching in to take care of our home and our boys. Our community is simply incredible. We feel very wrapped in support and love.