Day 143 - LAST DOSE
Today was the day.
The last dose of the big scary drug that was part of our life for almost 5 months. At one point we were up to 9 meds with dosages sometimes every 4 hours, 10 hours of drip feeds that got changed every 2.5 hours during the night, flushing PICC lines, changing dressing, pumping... so much more than I can comprehend now. Looking back on those moments I'm actually a little unsure how we did it all. But somehow, we did. We survived.
And here we are taking the last dose of this drug.
Recently I've seen two other families find out new childhood cancer diagnoses. I can't help but relive it all through them... the fear, the horror, the adjustment to all the 'new.'
And here we are adjusting again. This time it's a good adjustment, but it doesn't come without the hard. Something about our medicine routine gave us comfort... maybe control? We felt like it was what we could do to help him. And losing that routine is the most wonderfully freeing and scary adjustment of all.
A few days after our last post, Red pulled his tube out... again. We decided to let him have the night and see if he was able to handle things without the drip feed, and the night turned into 2, and soon we were at the doctors office for a routine checkup. I told myself that if he had lost any weight the tube would go right back in. Not only did he not lose weight, he GAINED almost half a pound in a week! The nurse said that if he hadn't pulled it out she was going to! On top of a great weight gain, at the visit he had perfect blood counts, perfect blood pressure... all of it was just absolutely perfect.
And all of a sudden we have this chunky little baby. With no tubes, no medicines, no special machines and routines. A normal baby.
I struggle a lot with the fact that we may not have a 'cancer free' moment. He might always have this tumor, or parts of it. Cancer cells may always be in his body. We may always be watching, and he may always be fighting. So, the moment in my heart when we hear that he is free of disease, may not ever come for us. As unsettling as that as I try to accept the moments like these as our victories. Our tube-free, breathing on his own, eating on his own, medicine-free little perfect guy.
It's a strange and wonderful new world.
Comments (20)
So....is it OK for me to hold him now...??? :) what a precious post. I'm so happy you're able to just be... xo to all!!!
Continue your due diligence, but for now just b-r-e-a-t-h-e in... and treasure these moments! Beri, you and your family have touched so many lives and allowed us to see and feel and be a part of your journey....expanding the circle for us all. For now, enjoy your new life with some normalcy, whatever that is. Many of us will continue to hold and uplift you with prayers and more.... Peace. jgd
Hipp-Hipp-Hooray for Redden & Co.! What a sweet moment of victory and pause. Soaking it up like a biscuit in honey.
Beautifully written from your sweet heart-as always. So grateful for this news. Redden is such a beautiful happy boy filled with joy. That smile. So, so happy for you all. Still praying for you all. Can't wait to see more of you all around the 'hood. Xo
Beri, Brian & boys - You have shown us all what it means 'to take the good with the bad and keep going'. You have been an inspiration to LOADS of people that you don't even know. Thank you for all you have captured with words and photos of Redden's journey in this world so far. Know that you have an army of people behind you sending their love and prayers for your family, your doctors & medical team.
Such a wonderful post....you all are amazing....super hero family!! Will continue with our prayers and love 💜🙏
Praise the Lord, the Great Physician!!! It is so amazing to see how God will give you the strength and courage to get through any situation as He promises if only you will trust and obey. You guys have been a wonderful example of how to trust and obey. The strength and courage you showed and continue to show are a vision of God's never ending promises to us. Praise the Lord!!!
Such wonderful news-----celebrate the small improvements and these will lead to the major ones. A showering of more prayers of thanks for Redden and all of you.
Wow, Beri,Thank you for your posts. Redden is so sweet, and your family is so precious.
This makes me so happy for you all. I "get" the wondering part. May it always ONLY be a wonder. xo
No matter what, know that little guy landed with an exceptional mama. He is so very fortunate to have you.
he is just scrumptious! I am happy you have this new happy adjustment and continue to pray he keeps being the amazing little dude that he is! #superheroswearRED!
Praise God for all His love and mercy! I'm so thrilled that he's "wire free" for now. My husband, David, (although he's a grown man so I know it's different) will have to fight his bladder cancer for the rest of his life but right now he's good. The docs insisted he get his bladder, prostate and lymph nodes removed but David refused until he didn't have any other option. We're so excited he didn't. Blew the doctors' minds! So Redden is always on my mind...he has taught me to pick my battles and how trivial some of our problems really are compared to what all of you are going through. I hope Redden has continued success and enjoy this time! Still praying!
I love this post! I feel like hugging God and praising him for this special blessing. I can breathe! I will take this victory and enjoy it. God is Good! xoxoxo
Yay for Red! Yay for chubby babies. I just love his crinkly nose. Too cute.
Fantastic. Can't wait to get my hands on the little guy. Great job to all the Irving's and the man up above. Inspirational
I am so happy for youall to have this "unplugged" time. I was a caregiver at home for a paralyzed aunt and no one knows what that means unless theyve been there, iV..feeding tube, catheter, oxygen, breathing treatments and the emotional pressure. AND to have the strength to keep up with the 2 precious brothers ...you and Brian are in all our hearts as well as "Superbaby Redden"....love and prayers.
Hi, Thanks for the Wonderful update. Keep enjoying every minute!!!!! Prayers are still coming your way. Love, Peace, Strength, Courage and Patience.
Tears of joy. Prayers always for your family. You guys are just so cute. Gods love is never ending. :)
I can't smile bigger right now. Ok, well maybe when I get to hold him and play with him one day...but until then, I'll enjoy this post many times over.