Posted 2015-07-03T16:17:06Z

Day 168 - GOOD NEWS

This week got us back in clinic for our weekly count check and an MRI. Scan days are the absolute hardest for me. I still remember so vividly how it felt to hear the code blue come across the loudspeaker when he went in for his very first MRI. And I feel that every single time I walk back through the doors.

Yet, the last 2 MRIs have been unbelievably smooth. He was out in less than 2 hours and waking up in my arms shortly after. Not one single complication the rest of the day. Unless you count the annoying helicopter Mom he had to put up with...

It took us more than 24 hours to get the results which had us pretty stressed... 'Is it really bad and they are trying to come up with a plan? OR is it not a big deal and they have other people who's news is more pressing? How much do you think it's grown? Do you think it's causing issues? He spit up today, do you think it's pinching off his stomach? Will we know if he goes into organ failure?'

(YES. All of that ran through my head and out of my mouth in about 5 seconds.)

But the next morning we got the call, and for the first time EVER we heard...

'I have good news.'

...................................................

He is growing. The tumor isn't.

I don't think I can properly explain how that felt. We have hoped every single time to hear that this tumor isn't growing. And every time it was bad news. Every damn time. And finally. Finally. FINALLY. It stopped.

So that night we took the kids out to eat. Ironically, the restaurant was sponsoring the Make a Wish Foundation, and there were stars for childhood cancer everywhere. So we got to share his story with several at the restaurant and celebrate this huge milestone. We told our oldest 2 the good news as we toasted milk cups and wine glasses. Our eldest asked excitedly 'So is his cancer gone?' It was hard to see him disappointed when we said... No buddy... it's not gone. But it's finally stopped growing. And now we wait until the doctors can take it out when he's big enough.

It's taken a few days for me to get this post put up. Not because I'm not elated. Not because this isn't one of the greatest moments we've had to date. Simply because it didn't feel right to feel so happy. That's what cancer does to you. It constantly reminds you that it's waiting. It's always hovering and threatening to take it all away.

Also, over the last week or two we've been grieving for kids that have permanent spots in our hearts through this experience. Wes is bravely battling his 4th relapse. Leah just finished a very lengthy hospital battle. Whit is fighting against strokes and working so hard to get off his ventilator. Amos just went through 2 brain surgeries and is now battling seizures. We grieve with these parents and remember our own hard moments. The scars on our minds and hearts will never go away.

We celebrate each victory. But every happy moment is a reminder that many hard horrible moments came before. And many others are having horrible moments right now.

So, we pray. We hope. We grieve. We wait.

And right now. We are incredibly, overwhelmingly, THANKFUL.

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Day 168 - GOOD NEWS

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