From Mark's Blog- College: Battling the Prince of Darkness and The Empire Strikes Back

College: Battling the Prince of Darkness
 March 14, 2018
HOW TO WRITE A TERM PAPER

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, printed out, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.

5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.

6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now, that way you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one song from your favorite album and that's it, I really mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that...

10. Listen to the rest of the album.

11. Rearrange all of your books into alphabetical order.

12. Call your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.

13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.

14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.

15. Check the guide to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.

17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot, even if he wasn't watching.

18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

19. Look through your roommate's memory book from home. Ask who everyone is.

20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.

22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.

23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.

24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

26. Leap up and write the paper.

27. Type the paper on your laptop. Spell check.

28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid term paper. 

There was a movie that came out during high school called Animal House. It had a great impact on what I expected college to be like for me. I expected wild parties, crazy stunts, little studying, and great stories about practical jokes that we pulled off. I decided to attend the University of Wisconsin Whitewater. It was a perfect distance from home (two hours). It was high in accounting which was my intended major, and the drinking age was eighteen.

My spiritual life was somewhat present but I had not invited God into my life. An eighteen year old heading off to college without much of relationship with God is a recipe for disaster. It was exactly true for me. I failed to develop the very foundation that I needed to be successful on my own. I also left home and I had no one at the school that I knew to lean on. But, God in his infinite mercy provided.

I had no knowledge of the school as far as teachers to take or the best dorm to live in. I signed up for Tutt hall because there was a song out called King Tutt by Steve Martin so I thought it sounded cool. The University just assigned me a room and roommate. This is were God stepped in and provided for me. It must have been my parents were interceding for me. My roommate's name was Jim. He was called Ski. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me. He became an amazing friend. He was from Racine so the only bad side was that he was a Packers fan. I won't hold that against him too much. He taught me a lot of life skills that I truly appreciate. I learned how to fish and hunt. I learned how to study and to apply myself in school. Most importantly, I learned the balance of fun and hard work.

My nickname in college was Tidbit. You maybe wondering how does one acquire such a name. Well, my great sister, Deb, loaded me up, in the great Herwaldt tradition, with all kinds of candy and junk food. In my family, you can't make a trip or have a party without plenty of food. You certainly can't go off to college. This is where I use my natural youth ministry skills. I took a bag chips and, wherever I found an opened door, I would offer some of chips. Over the first couple of days of school, I met most of my dorm. One of the treats that I passed out was a box of Tidbits. They are a round cheesy cracker. A few days later, I am walking with Ski. Someone from my dorm sees me and says "There is the Tidbit guy!" The name stuck. Most people, that I went to school with, didn't know my real name.

We lived on the fourth floor of Tutt Hall. I didn't think much about it until I went to pick up my school ID. The person asked for my name, hall and room number. They had this strange look on their face. They made some derogatory comment about Tutt Hall. It wasn't till later did I realize that they put all the degenerates from the other dorms into Tutt Hall. We were in for a wild ride.     

Let me give you some examples. One night a guy locked himself into his dorm and started using a baseball bat to destroy it. One night a bunch of guys decided to have puking contest. They stuck their finger down their throat and puked into a bucket. Then, they tried to measure who puked the most. Who does that? One night a bar was giving away beer posters. Someone got a hold of a whole box of them, and proceeded to wallpaper the ceiling and walls of the fourth floor. Yes, there was a few times that the janitor went on strike. Speaking of the janitor, he left the hose connected to the spigot in the bathroom after spraying the whole thing down. Big Mistake!! A huge water fight ensued covering the hallway with water. I am not sure how much our RA was compensated, but he wasn't really doing his job.

Speaking of bathrooms. Some of the craziest stuff happened there. Ski had friends come up from Racine to watch the Bears/Packers game. So, picture my dorm filled with Packers fans and the Bears proceed to win 61 To 7!! Our room was right by the incinerator chute. During the game someone in our room said they smelled smoke which is not unusual for our room. I said not to worry about it because it is probably just the incinerator. A little later, they said that they really smelled smoke, so I peeked in the hallway. There was black putrid smoke pouring out of the bathroom. Of course, I go to investigate. I find that someone had lit the toilet seat on fire by stacking newspapers on top of it, and torching it. I am panicking, and I don't know what to do. We had a hair washing sink with one of those black hoses with shower head on the end. So, I turned it on and pointed it towards the toilet. This is a good plan, right? NO! The water went about a foot and fell to the floor! So, someone got me a towel and I smothered it. But, who does that? Who tries to start a fire in the bathroom?

The floor was full of a cast of characters from all over Wisconsin. There was Crazy Bob. He was on the eight year plan. He was there before we got there and he was still there after we left. We called him crazy because he did crazy stuff. His favorite thing to do was pick a fight with anyone just for the fun of it. One time we found him hanging by his hands outside his window. We are not sure why. He was lucky. He could have died. There was Todd who lived across the hall. His parents paid for his education and all he cared about was drinking, skiing and girls. I never saw him without a drink in his hand. He only lasted a year. You do have to do better than an F grade point average to make it in college. Then, there was the football players who lived next door who thought I was their personal tackling dummy. One day, they put me in the closet in the dorm lounge. They turned it upside down and sat on it. Then, there was the guy down the hall who had a fascination with putting his head through plate glass windows for a dare. Not once, but twice. Then, there was the guy who lived around the corner who had a monthly weed party. I don't know how he got away with it. You could smell it all over the floor. I think we all got high on those nights. Then, there was the guy who lived on the other wing who could provide every drug imaginable.

God provided another amazing friend. Todd F. is probably one of the most talented people that I know. He plays banjo which I think is a hard instrument to play and is pretty awesome. He has authored books and written dozens of songs including one that he wrote for my wedding. He can paint. In fact, I still have a painting of his in my house. He was a member of a blue grass band. His buddies would come to our school every so often and jam in his dorm room. This is where I learned that spoons are more than just utensils, and there such a thing as a jaw harp. In college, he seemed to be a quiet person, but he was really quietly planning his next attack. One day I am minding my own business taking a shower. Someone opens the bathroom door and throws in a whole pack of lit firecrackers. I learned the best practical jokes and hijinks from the master. One of the funniest stories of college was unexpectedly provided by Todd. One night, Ski and I are woken up by someone pounding on the door across the hall. It is Todd with a broom handle pounding away. "Fred, let me in! Fred, (his roommate) let me in!!" There is only one problem. One major problem. It is not his room! Todd seemed to be sleep walking. We redirected him to his room. The next day we looked at the door and there were dozens of pock marks from the broom handle on the door.    

God provided much-needed friends at school with a supportive family and friends back home. Yet,  I was living the life of a hypocrite. I would go to church on Sunday, but live like a heathen the rest of the week. I fully participated in the party scene. I didn't treat females with much-needed respect. I wasn't studying as hard as I could. It was a recipe for disaster. I'll just give one example. On my birthday, I tried to drink as many shots as how old I was. There are three hours of that night that I cannot account for. Mind you, my friends and I were normal when compared to the rest of the floor. We had a lot of innocent fun. We played practical jokes on people. We even got into a war with girls one floor below us. This war culminated with them sneaking into my room and proceeding to put everything into a big pile in the middle of the floor. I mean everything in our room. Everything!!

I believed in God. I had good friends, money, job, school, family, and just about everything the world could offer me. Yet, I was empty on the inside. I try to fill the void with alcohol, girls and fun, but it hardly filled it. I spent many nights talking about the keys to life with my friends. Reading books by authors like Leo Buscaglia. I read his book on Love or listened to his talks on tape. I thought he had the answers to a more fulfilled life. I knew there had to be more than what I was experiencing. The life of the drunk social scene was one of emptiness and unfulfillment.  It was not what it seemed in movies and the culture. What was the answer?

College: The Empire Strikes Back
 "You have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
St Augustine 
John went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," said John.

Six months later the doctor met John on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! My friend Joe cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so?! And how, may I ask, did Joe cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Nobody's under there now!
The second semester of my sophomore year, I went on a weekend retreat called The Happening in Christianity. My future wife and future Mother in law convinced me to attend. Jeff locked me in the car and drove me to St. Mark Catholic Church in Wheaton. I had heard about the Happening for several years because I spent time hanging out at the Wahrman's house while on breaks from college. Their house would always be full of people from the Happening community.
The weekend led me to think about deeper questions: Who Am I? Who is my Brother? Who is Jesus? One of retreat leaders shared their personal relationship to Christ. I spent the weekend listening but not buying in. I liked the people, but I would not give God everything. I had my own plan. I was enjoying life. There was two highlights of the weekend. They did a skit during lunch called Felicia. There was one person kneeling hiding under a blanket behind a person sitting in a chair. The person hiding acted as the arms of the person sitting. The main actor was eating lunch and of course the food was flying everywhere. One of the team members made the mistake of bringing their pet goldfish on the weekend and it ended up on the table for this skit. Yes, it was eaten alive in front of everyone! Another crazy stunt happened during another lunch. We were having sub sandwiches. Tony, one of the 'adult' team members, found a frozen squirrel outside. He proceeded to put it between two buns and brought it into the lunch room. He, of course, was sitting right next to me. It worked perfectly with its head coming out one end and the tail out the other end. The four legs sticking out the sides. The squirrel looked like it was frozen flying in midair. I went back to college not sure what to think about the whole experience. 
I made another awesome friend at school. He was from Korea. He came to Whitewater to get his Masters in Finance. I couldn't imagine taking Finance classes and not really knowing the language. He had to use two huge translation books. His name was Moon. He was a man of many talents. He could sing and play guitar. He could pound down a whole bottle of Cutty Sark in one weekend. He was a great cook. He taught me that rice is supposed to be sticky, so it sticks to your chop sticks. He introduced me to Korean cole slaw Kimchi. He got me to eat octopus, and seaweed. Also, introduced me to this delicious red sauce which we used it a lot to eat leftover rice. He was the victim of one of our best practical jokes of all four years. His dorm room was next to ours. He slept along the wall closest to our room. They agreed to allow us to take down this shelving unit that was bolted through the wall to their shelf. It was a big mistake. This left a hole in the wall a little bigger than the size of a dime. One of the holes was right next to Moon's pillow. One night while Moon is sleeping, we made a funnel from notebook paper and filled it with baby powder. Then, stuck it through the hole and blew into it. It was awesome! We looked through the hole. We could hear him coughing and everything was white including his face.  

    
So, the four of us made quite a group: Ski (crazy outdoors man), Todd (silent banjo playing assassin), Moon, and I. In May, after final exams, we made it a tradition to go camping. On our first trip, it was rainy and cold. Moon made this delicious Korean dish on a bunsen burner stove. I borrowed a tent from my brother, the human garbage disposal. It was miserable. We tried to go fishing, but caught nothing. At night, it just poured rain all night. We had a major problem. The tent leaked badly. We had streams of water running through it. The next day, Todd and I decided to jump ship. Ski and Moon slept in the car the rest of the week. On another camp out, Ski cut his foot open with an axe. I lost my hat in the fire, and the Ranger told us to keep quiet. I guess banjo playing at midnight is a little extreme. Of course, our singing voices probably didn't help. The best trip came after we graduated. Ski and I camped all week in Northern Wisconsin. At night, you could hear the loons. We had perfect weather. We ate what we caught: Northern, Walleye, Largemouth Bass, Bluegill, Sunfish, and Crappie. Ski was an expert at filleting fish. Fresh fish caught right off the lake with breading just melts in your mouth. It was a very relaxing week. The best moment came when an eagle came swooping down and grabbed a fish right out of the water. The Loons were incredible. They fly right above the water. In addition, they can swim under the water popping up fifty yards away.
For junior year, we moved off campus to a two bedroom apartment. The four of us made quite a crazy group. We were pretty competitive in any activity or game in which we played from Hearts to Darts. We got one of those thick expensive dart boards to put on the wall. Of course, we had to fix the wall when we moved out. We made a crown for whoever was the reigning champion. We even got the four guys from across the hall in our competitions. 
We took turns attempting to cook. My roommates have some funny stories of my attempts at cooking  which I will not divulge on this blog. Needless to say, I didn't cook growing up. The funniest cooking story comes from us having a pet pigeon. One day, we discovered a pigeon walking outside our apartment building. It was injured and can't fly. So, we helped it out by trapping it, and making it our pet. I protested when they used my laundry basket as his cage. We fed it water and bird food. One late afternoon, Ski decided to make Cornish Hens. Todd and Moon were at class or the library. Ski gets this crazy idea! We ring the neck of the pigeon, and clean it up. Ski tied it up to make it look just like the Cornish Hens. His idea is to serve it to Todd to see if he notices. There is only one problem with this plan. The pigeon is all dark meat. There was another problem with the plan. The first thing Todd sees was the empty bird cage. He wanted to know where our pet pigeon was. By this time, Ski and I can't keep a straight face and we pointed towards the oven. You know it really does taste like chicken! 
Ever since our freshman year, we had a tradition of closing out a fun night with a round of toasts. We toasted to anything. We would pull out a cheap bottle of wine and go around the circle toasting to anything from the garbage can that someone puked in to our psychology professor who gave us a high grade on a paper. Ski's father gave him a bottle of Mezcal. It appeared to be high grade Tequila and it even had a worm in the bottom of the bottle. It tasted horrible. It was so bad that it took us all four years to finish the bottle. We ate the worm after we graduated.
From the time of the Happening weekend to senior year, I wrestled with the emptiness inside me. At one point walking through my campus crying because I felt so empty and restless. I think of the  lyrics of the Bruce Springsteen song "Hungry Heart".
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don't make no difference what nobody says
Ain't nobody like to be alone
When God is not in the center of your life, there is a hunger for more. It's hard to find peace even in the midst of success and good friends. There was a reflection that I heard on the Happening weekend called "My Heart Christ's Home".  It was about giving Jesus access to your spiritual house and not just letting Him in the front door but Him letting clean every room. Ultimately it wasn't even enough to let him cleanup, we had to give Him the title to our home. I had a hungry heart. I was restless. Would I let Jesus in?