Blogs regarding Mark's Spiritual Journey

My Personal Relationship with Christ
 
 March 17, 2018
"To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek Him the greatest adventure; to find Him, the greatest human achievement." St. Augustine

I grew up in a strong Catholic family. It was a great part of my life. I went to twelve years of Catholic school. I was an altar server till the end of high school. I participated in youth group stuff only in senior year. God was a part of my life, but I really never made number one. If my spiritual life was a car, I allowed Jesus to hang out in the back seat or the trunk. 

During high school both of my parents passed away. You would think that it would have had an impact on my relationship with God, but it didn't because I was pretty numb from the whole experience. I never was able to process it. After my Mom died, I stayed in my family's home with my brother Rick, and then he moved out. My oldest brother Paul, and his wife Kathy moved in. They had my niece Kelly, so it was great to help with her. Between Rick and Paul, I was well taken care of. I was able to get to know Kathy 's family especially her mother Ruth. It was a relationship that I cherish. God was so good to me. He provided for me every step of the way.

While in college, I moved out of the house and moved in with my oldest sister Deb. She was my second mom. I couldn't of asked God for a better sister. She has been the rock of my life. She was and has been God's hands and feet and voice. After I lost my parents, she has been a steadfast influence and someone I could turn to in times of trouble. I would not have been in youth ministry for twenty seven years without her support.

I went off to college with God in the trunk. I fully participated in the college party atmosphere. God blessed me with a small group of friends that helped me to ultimately succeed at school. They taught me new things like how to play spoons or how to fish or how take apart a phone and use it to record music. More importantly, they got me to think about the deeper things. In fact, one of them called me a hypocrite which forced me to relook at questions like "Did I really believe in God?", and "If I did,  should I not respond in some way?"   

After I graduated from college, I started working on the Happening in Christianity weekends. We did three weekends a year. It took eight weeks to prepare each weekend, so you can see that it took quite a bit of my free time. I eventually took a job with Radio Shack in retail management. The Happening was more than a weekend retreat program. It was a community of people. We did a lot more than just retreat planning. We hung out together especially at the Wahrman's house.

While working these weekends, I was surrounded by adults and young people who put Jesus at the center of their lives. If he wasn't driving their car, he was in the front seat. It challenged me to rethink my relationship with God. It culminated with a weekend in December at St Theresa Catholic Church in Kankakee, IL. Being that it was the middle of the Christmas season and I was working in retail, I could only help on the retreat at night. So, after the store closed, I made the hour long trip through corn fields down to the weekend. The talks and all the rest of details of the weekend are prepared over the eight weeks of planning except for one talk. The Holy Spirit talk is given on Sunday afternoon, and the person giving the talk is decided after hours of prayer on Saturday night.  After the store closed at 5pm on Saturday, I started making my way down to the retreat. I turned off the radio and road in silence. Somewhere on I57 among the corn, I heard a quiet whisper in my head. "You are going to give the Holy Spirit talk." Now, I had never experienced God speaking to me. At least, not that I ever noticed. So, I just thought it was my own imagination. Yet, I could picture myself in front of the group, and the words of the talk came into my head.

When I arrived at St Theresa, I just went about helping wherever I could, and I didn't tell anyone what happened on the road to Kankakee. During the night, the directors and other retreat leaders spent a time of intense prayer trying to discern which team member should give the Holy Spirit talk. About 3am, I was woken up, and asked to go to the Directors room. They told me that they had spent many hours in prayer and my name kept coming up as the person to give this talk. They knew that I was supposed to work the next day. So, I shared with them what happened on the road. They sat in a circle around me, and laid hands and began to pray over me. I could feel the heat of the Holy Spirit start at the tip of my head and slowly makes its way down till it consumed my whole body. It was the most powerful experience of my life. I spent several more hours in prayer.

Did I really trust God? Was I really going to give Him the drivers seat? I was supposed work on Sunday. My job is at stake. My boss was pretty intense. Was I going to make this call? I gave it over to God and put my trust totally in Him. I made the call to my boss, and told him that I couldn't work because I had give this talk on this retreat. I gave the talk as best as I could remember from the words that God gave me on the road. On Monday morning, I went into the store expecting to be fired, but hoping in the mercy of God. Not only was I not fired but within a couple of months, I was promoted.

After this experience of the quiet whisper of God's voice, I wondered if it would happen again? By the time it happened again, I was managing my own store. One day, I was running the store by myself. It was quiet without any customers. All of a sudden, I hear a quiet whisper. "You are going to give the 'Where do we go from here?' talk". Again, I didn't know if it was just my thoughts or really God speaking to me? Then, I remembered that I was supposed to go to Chris' house that night to help him pray and discern the talks for the next retreat. I arrived at his house and he had a list of the five talks on one side of the page. On the other side, he had a list of the forty plus team members who had committed to working the next weekend. We started with the first talk. After discerning which team member would give the talk, he drew a line from the talk to the person. After working on several talks, Chris' brother called for a ride home from work. I was the last car in the driveway, so I volunteered to pick him up. As I am getting into the car, I realized that they were going to discern the 'Where Do We Go From Here' talk next. Because of my experience, I believed that when I returned that the line would be drawn from my name to that talk. Was this another experience of God guiding my life? Could the same God that talked to Moses, Abraham, and others be talking to me? I picked up Matt, and brought him home. When I came into the living room, I peeked over Chris' shoulder and the line was drawn from my name to that talk.

I decided to give God everything. I had a collection of two hundred albums. I took out all the albums with bad messages and threw them into the garbage. It was about one hundred eighty albums. I used to swear a blue streak. I gave God my language. After about six months, I realized that I wasn't even thinking swear words. Drinking alcohol isn't sinful, but for me it kinda consumed my life.  So in January of 1985, I gave up drinking alcohol for the rest of my life. I gave Him the drivers seat. In future blog posts, I will talk about how it changed the trajectory of my life. 

Why Me?
 
 
May 29, 2018
If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
 (Mt 16:24; Mk 8:34)

I invited God into my life after college. In reality, God has always been part of my life. I grew up in a great Catholic family. My parents were awesome faithful people. They were great examples to me of people who prayed and worked. They loved God and lived it. They owned their own small business and ran it as a Catholic. They were closed on Sundays. They closed their store from noon to three on Good Friday. They served their customers and raised seven children from the proceeds. They sent all seven to twelve years of Catholic school. They were involved in the faith and civic community. I witnessed them treat everyone with respect. They were great people and highly respected in the community. You would think that they would be spared suffering. Yet, my mother suffered with brain cancer for two years before she died. My father had to experience his bride be diagnosed with a fatal illness before he died of a heart attack.

It is no secret that Karol Wojtyla (St John Paul I I ), as a young man and even during the early years of his pontificate, was a picture of health, vigor and vitality. As an athlete skilled in soccer, swimming, canoeing and skiing, he exhibited a great physical presence. In the early 90s, however, a series of health problems began to take their toll. In 1992, the pope had colon surgery, involving removal of a noncancerous tumor. The next year he fell and dislocated a shoulder. In 1994, he suffered a broken femur in another fall. An appendectomy followed in 1996. During these years, moreover, a Parkinson-like condition, if not the disease itself, began to reveal its visible effects. 

When confronted with suffering, most of us desperately seek answers to the question Why? Why me? Why now? Why in this unexpected form? The pope, in his letter "On the Christian Meaning of Suffering", states that Christ does not really give us an answer to such questions, but rather a lived example. When we approach Christ with our questions about the reason for suffering, we cannot help noticing that the one to whom we put the questions is himself suffering and wishes to answer…from the Cross, from the heart of his own suffering…Christ does not explain in the abstract the reasons for suffering, but before all else he says: ‘Follow me!’ Come! Take part through your suffering in this work of saving the world…. Gradually, as the individual takes up his cross, spiritually uniting himself to the Cross of Christ, the salvific meaning of suffering is revealed before him.”

In retrospect the life of suffering for a follower of Jesus begins on day one. For me, I risked my job on day one. I found out right away that being a follower of Jesus means laying down your life for others. Suffering for others. In married life, I have had to battle selfishness and find ways to serve Jan. As a father, countless times of dragging myself out of bed in the middle of the night for my children. Having to clean up throw-up and a whole laundry list of emergencies that can befall children day or night. It was suffering for me to take second jobs so Jan could stay home to homeschool our children. It meant a lot less time at home with the kids. It was a suffering for me, but something that we felt would be very powerful for our children.

Suffering can take many forms. The cross can be physical suffering like a chronic disease. Since her thirties, Jan has dealt with Fibromyalgia which is a disorder characterized by widespread muscle  pain accompanied by fatigue, and sleep issues. It amplifies pain by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. It impacts her every day, and yet, over the years she managed to run a homeschool and volunteer for several organizations. Now, she battles it as she takes care of me. It has been difficult for her. She is in pain every day as she changes me and has to physically flip and move me. She is living out our marriage vows. She doesn't have to do it. But, as a follower of Jesus you must do things that "you didn't sign up for".

  "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And weboast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5

I have taught teens for several decades about suffering. I have taught them that everyone will suffer. I taught them to ask God to help them in their time of suffering. In addition, we are called to be the hands, feet, and voice of Jesus to those who suffer. Suffering is complicated. Jesus uses someone's  suffering to impact a myriad of people. For me, he has used my suffering to impact thousands of people in ways beyond my comprehension. It has intensely impacted my wife and children directly on a daily basis. It has greatly impacted my extended family. Beyond family, it has impacted our friends, churches, and co workers in ministry. Then, thousands of strangers through a variety of means including word of mouth, magazine and newspaper articles. Last summer, I was supposed to give a talk at the Diocese of Joliet Youth Leadership Conference. A couple of days before the Conference, I fell and ended up in the hospital. They had to find someone else to give the talk. I didn't know how many days that I would be in there. I was released in time, so I went to the conference for awhile and a young lady walked up to me and said that I saved her life.   

As much as God is using my suffering in ways that I can't fathom, it sucks! I cry about it many times a week. As much as I Love God and want to serve him to my dying breath, I have yelled and screamed at God many times. I always turn back to him and ask for forgiveness. I have lost much over the last eighteen months. I can no longer hug and kiss my wife. I can't hug my kids nor tease them. I can't serve them, but be served. I can no longer minister to people and be present to them in the way that I am used to doing. I can only offer up my suffering for them. I pray that God is using it in powerful ways. I can't walk, talk, sing, eat, drink, or scratch my nose. I ask God to heal me every day not for my sake, but for my family. Yet, I serve a mighty God who is using this suffering for a purpose greater than myself. I will run the race to the end, and await the feast with a fork in my pocket. Well, you have save your fork for the dessert.  

Oh, Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

 
And when I think of God, His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin

 
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

 
When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And lead me home, what joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow with humble adoration
And then proclaim, my God, how great Thou art

 
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

Who is at the Center of Your Life?
 
 
June 07, 2018
 

When I made the choice of inviting God into my life back in 1984, it was just the beginning of a process that is ongoing. "Behold I stand at the door and knock" Rev. 3:20 Jesus knocks at the door of every heart! The question is how wide have you opened the door? In all my years working with teens and adults, I have met many good people. There is a difference between a good person and a person who has put Jesus at the center. When you put Jesus at the center, he will impact every aspect of your life. If you think of your life as a big circle, who/what is in your circle. Many young people don't have Jesus even in their circle. Most Catholics have Jesus in their circle, but few have Jesus at the center. Most people have SELF at the center. Where is Jesus in your circle?

When we have Jesus at the center, he impacts everything! You start to take responsibility for yourself and for the good of others. For college students it means going to class, doing your school work, eating right, getting enough sleep, spending time with God in prayer, going to Mass weekly if not more, and finding friends that will support your faith. It means taking responsibility for the good of others including your family, friends, co workers, classmates, teammates, the poor, and total strangers. If you are dating, it means doing what is best for their good and not using them for your own pleasure. It means not taking part in the college party scene. It means finding fun healthy activities, and if you cant find any, creating your own. There is nothing wrong with a good college prank!

When we have Jesus at the center of our lives, we find time for quiet by turning off our electronic devices and spending time with God. Spending time reading scripture. If you don't know God's word, you don't know God. Quieting yourself and realize that you are in God's presence.

When we have God at the center of our lives, we live in the present moment. We are not wishing to be somewhere else or with someone else. God gives us only so much time. He places us in all kinds of situations or with specific people. We need to be present to the moment at hand. We are to be present to the person in front of us and not texting someone else. Take a lot less pictures and soak in the moment. The Pope made a comment about it. He said that people are more interested in taking a selfie with the Pope than in actually greeting him and shaking his hand. They are most interested in the memory than the moment at hand. We can find God only in the moment that we are in right now whether that is a class, a job, a date, an outing with a friend or time with family. Today, right now is a gift. Tomorrow is not promised to you. Having a fatal illness sharpens the focus. One day, I was fine. The next day, something is terribly wrong with me. The fact is we all have a fatal illness. We are all going to die some day. We should start each day thanking God for the gift and offer up our day.

Nothing is wasted with God. Every experience that I had in my life was used by God to prepare me for the future. To make extra money while in college, I mopped floors and cleaned up the cafeteria after dinner. You can imagine the mess that was left each night especially after a food fight. How did God use it? I spent several decades mopping floors and cleaning up after teens. I worked as a newscaster on the radio in college. I was in sales for five years. How did God use it? I have spent much time over the last two decades in front of a microphone selling the Gospel. I have been in front of hundreds of people speaking and not feeling at all nervous. With God nothing is wasted.

When God is at the center of our lives, we take responsibility for ourselves and for others. St. Peter wrote:  "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." Every day you are in a spiritual battle for your soul. You have responsibilities to handle. God has placed you where you are for his purposes whether a school or a job or family or specific relationships. You have a responsibility to follow through with whatever demands are placed on you. For a student, study diligently to the best of your ability. On your job, a full days work for a full days pay. Work hard and do your job. Serve your family. Your number one goal in all your relationships is to help that person get to heaven. You should keep in mind that they are in a spiritual battle too.  We are our brothers keeper. What can you do to serve them? Whether that is your date, friends, family, coworker, teammates or stranger. Be present to people. Help them in their spiritual battle. What is the Devil's number goal? a passive Catholic or worse a fallen away Catholic. So, get up on Sunday and go to Mass. Invite family and friends to go with you. Never stop inviting. Never stop! 

St Paul wrote:
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

We are in a spiritual battle and the going can get rough. We will have trials and suffering, but we cant give up. With Jesus at the center of our lives, we run the race to the end. We help others through their trials and suffering so that they can win the race, too. Our suffering could be an approaching deadline or hard exam. We could be feeling poorly. We could be struggling with a relationship. Let nothing go to waste. Offer up every thing to the Lord. Help others do the same. The devil will want us to give up, but we cant. Jesus will prepare us. Let no trial or suffering go to waste for he is always preparing us for the future by increasing our endurance and our faith. We can never lose hope, but strive for the finish line. Whether that is graduation or finishing a project or paper or heaven. The church helps with our training with periods of spiritual training like Advent and Lent. Don't waste it. Do something hard. Real suffering! It is training for when the real suffering comes your way. St Jose Maria Escriva wrote:"The heroic minute. It is the time fixed for getting up. Without hesitation: a supernatural reflection and... up! The heroic minute: here you have a mortification that strengthens your will and does no harm to your body." Which means no snooze button. It means the night before you decide when you are waking up the next day. Set your alarm. When it goes off, you get up. It is a mortification that will strengthen your will to resist the devil. Spiritual training for the long race ahead of you. 

You are a child of God! Live like it! Don't lie. Don't cheat. Don't steal. Don't swear. Pray. Go to Mass.  Serve others. Don't use others. Follow the law. Be an active citizen. Be kind. When we have Jesus at the center of our lives , we love God and love others. Basically, J.O.Y. Jesus Others You. If you want joy in your life, you put Jesus at the center and serve others.