I have survived 8 weeks post operation!
Greetings to you -- my wonderful supporters cheering me on. Thank you for being here with me. I need you and you are appreciated. I find strength in all your emails, cards, skypes, visits, real and "e" hugs, and all the support you have showered on me. Thank you.
Today is another cancer survivor milestone, eight weeks after my big surgery. Here is my current health report: My scar remains a little bit tight -- a one-size-too-small zipper for my newly tucked tummy. My sternum is very tender, mostly when I touch it; maybe I should stop doing that? My diaphragm is still twitchy but I can take bigger and deep breaths every day. I feel generally well healed from surgery. I am regularly walking 5 miles a day and I must be standing up straight as my back is not getting sore like it was several weeks ago. In the morning or after sitting, I still shuffle along with visibly awkward steps, but I can look back and see the huge progress I have made and that feels good.
As the surgery challenges fade into the past the next cancer maze is here: CHEMO. The week following chemo #1 was a roller-coaster. I was so jacked up on steroids for the first three days that I didn't sleep more that a dozen winks. I was really tired, but no sleep, such a cruel trick. Then at day 6-8, terrible neuropothy invaded my lower limbs, It started gradually and decreased gradually but Monday was miserable. It is not the prickly pins and needles of when a limb falls asleep, just a general sense of responsiveness, atrophy, dissociation, and quiet ache. If the feeling had occurred unrelated to chemo I would not have called it painful or debilitating, but chemo neuropothy tends to worsen with each cycle and it causes permanent nerve damage. So at some point the oncologist will want to reduce my chemo, which means killing fewer cancer cells? A stressful balancing act. Yet again, battling cancer is as much a mental game of being tough. Today, day 10, the neuropathy is not as bad; I hope tomorrow it will lessen even more. If it only occurs a few days each cycle I can do this! I have also noticed mild headaches this week, another common chemo side effect. And my daily NYTimes mini crossword time has gotten worse -- my brain feels fuzzy and it's harder to think than usual.
In my daily practice of finding something to be thankful for, #1 must be no nausea! Last week I was on 3 different types of anti-nausea meds. My stomach was so tight I felt like I had swallowed a boulder. I could hear my stomach chanting, "you will not vomit, you will not vomit" and I didn't. This past week I noticed waking up in the middle of the night, my first thoughts are not "cancer nightmares" as they have been since my diagnosis. Cancer is often the second or third thought, but they don't come with the same sense of dread that those same ideas did just a few weeks back. This is a nice change and has made getting back to sleep easier and I am grateful for that.
Yet one more thing to be thankful for -- Jim and Shannon Frew drove all the way from Edinburgh to spend a few days with me while Bruce was in Rostock, Germany teaching at a workshop. Thank you! We visited the Cotswolds and had a lovely weekend touring the miniature village of Bourton-on-the-water, the Broadway Folly, Chipping Norton, Upper and Lower Slaughter. (Who names these little towns?!)
Today should be my lowest immunity day this cycle, so I am hunkered down at home avoiding the big germy world. I will slowly build my bloods back up next week, getting ready for the next dose of toxic chemicals on Monday May 10th. My parents arrive in two days and we have lots planned for next week. I hope I am feeling well, but whatever comes I am so blessed for their support and looking forward to their visit.
Hugs to you all, Michelle
Comments (11)
Dearest Michelle, It is truly grounding, humbling and inspiring to hear of your travels through this terribly challenging time. Each post is a record of the negatives, but also the positives. The "smaller" things in life, that we who are not suffering cancer take for granted, like toileting easily, being pain free, sleeping, and walking 5 miles every day, become amplified, and I am more grateful for these "smaller" things in my own life. This demonstrates that you are not only courageous, and strong, but an inspiration. I love your "won't give up" attitude, and your stomach refusing to vomit - go stomach! How lovely that friends can visit, and you can go out with them, and your parents too - that WILL be wonderful. Sadly you are a little too far away from Aus for me to pop in, but I think of you daily, and send Aussie hugs, and well wishes, and love. Hang in there lovely, you are beating this one day at a time, and beating it well. K xxx ooo
Hi Michelle Your writing is exceptional and insightful Bags are packed and we are ready Your cheerleaders are on their way. See you tomorrow with a very big soft careful hug Mom
Dear Michelle, I second everything Karen said! Thank you for taking the time to share yourself in this way as you go through this. I wish I could drop by and bring you fresh strawberries to make you think of the goodness in the world, flowers for beauty, and ginger-lemon tea for the nausea. You look beautiful in your photographs and it makes me happy to know that in the midst of all this, you get trips to Cotswolds! Take good care of yourself! With a big long-distance hug, Carol
Dear Michelle, Like your mother and Carol I can only add that Karen's comments echo my thoughts. You are and have been since I met you, a string determined woman. Knowing this I believe your positive outlook will be one of your best assets in the weeks ahead. Evie please give Michelle a very gentle germ free hug from me. You are all in my thoughts xo ME
Michelle, I was just thinking of you yesterday, wondering how you're doing. I'm so glad to know that you're facing these challenges so well. It's hard, physically and mentally! Wish I could say something truly useful or inspirational, or give you a hand by bringing a meal by or cleaning your place or something, but I'm fresh out of inspirational words, and the food would be spoiled by the time I got there. I think you're the inspirational one right now, and I hope things continue to go so well. Gordon
Dear Michelle, again, thank you so much for letting so many "walk" this journey with you. I don't think there is any tangible way for you to feel the presence of your family and friends walking with you every day, but it is true . . . you are allowing that to happen, and so you remain in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. May you be blessed with a very special, rich time with your Mom and Dad and may God give you strength for the day at hand. We stand with you.
Wonderful update - keep up the great work - both physically and mentally. Glad your parents will be there with you soon - I'm sure they will give you an energy boost and lots of positive love that only parents can bestow. Big hugs to you!
Hi Michelle....you should have become a writer!!!! What an update - you are amazing!! Sounds like all is as well as can be and I just know you are going to whip this thing. Glad Evelyn and Jim will be there soon. Take good care and blessings, love and hugs to you.
I agree your posts are inspirational to us, your cheer squad. Cherie
All of the meditation practice will be really helpful as you continue through to the conclusion of your chemo. When on a long run I used to think of the ice cream I could have at the end--always helped!
Hi Michelle ~~~ Your insightful analysis and wonderful writing bring us into your world, and help us understand what you are experiencing. My husband is on the recovery side of a big cancer surgery, and your words help me understand more clearly what he is going through. Sending cyber hugs to you and your family (especially your mom). Love to you, Elaine Hord