Thankful, grateful, appreciative, indebted....
It's that time of year when as a nation we collectively count our blessings. For me, that has become a daily practice. There are not enough synonyms in the OED to capture how grateful I am. I am humbled by the efforts of so many people: my oncologists, surgeons, infusion nurses, wellness staff, and Avastin researchers. I am grateful to all of you for every day. THANK YOU! And a thousand thanks to my devoted Husby Bruce, parents, and friends who continue to shower me with love and support.
For the past few months its been nice to forget what brought us together on my little blog and pretend it's just a travel journal. But Porlock lurks in the shadows and it is time to get real with a medical update. My CA125 marker began inching up just 3 months after chemo. This was not unexpected; the second series of chemo is often less effective because the cancer cells adapt to the drugs. The good news: Avastin is holding the tumor growth to a minimum, averaging a 2 point increase every 3 weeks. Current result- 22. Projecting forward, I will likely cross the "remission to recurrence" threshold of 35 this spring. When that happens I will have a PET scan and we will initiate another battle plan. That is a challenge for another day -- for now, I feel pretty darn good. Dr. Sekhon is pleased with my blood work. I don't have elevated protein in my urine and my blood pressure is only up a bit, two signs my body is struggling to cope with the Avastin. It is the because of the severity of these side effects that Avastin was initially approved for only a one year course. I'm in month 13 and doing very well -- that is worthy of celebrating.
It's hard to grasp the long slow arc of this battle. I think it would be easier to understand if I said, "I'm cured" or "I've got 6 months." The gray area in between is confusing and frustrating; I get that. But to be as clear as I can ... new treatments are giving longer periods of "disease-free progression," but the unfortunate reality is there are currently no curative treatments. I will continue forging a path forward that balances hope with reality.
Things that are helpful...
1. Get a flu shot! Protect yourself, the vulnerable young and old, and all my fellow cancer warriors with low immunity.
2. Consider a donation to Organic Soup Kitchen. Now that flu season is back I have started up soup deliveries again. The soup feels extra nourishing when I know it was a gift! And it also supports those who are truly needy.
3. Last, I wanted to revisit the "How are you" blog post. As I near the three year anniversary of fighting, I am really burned out on discussing cancer. The "how are you" question is so detrimental. I really don't know what kind of an answer is expected. Should I rattle off my latest urine protein results? Do you really want to talk about my uterus? There are times when I feel like my disease is entertainment for some acquaintance who clearly doesn't have enough drama in their life. Last week I even walked out of a CSquared meditation class when the instructor asked us all to introduce ourselves and talk about our "cancer journeys." I don't want to tell my story, again. I don't want to hear about your cancer story, either. I don't want to be defined by this. It really feels like every minute I think about cancer is a minute of my life lost. I have too much to do and too little time to get it all done. So for the next few months I will focus on my goals and we will continue to live large!
Enjoy today and love one another, MK
Comments (36)
You are loved by so many. I admire you deeply. 💋XOXO❤️
love you right back and sorry you are sick on your birthday
Thanks for the update, especially all the good news. I’m happy to talk to you about things other than cancer so if I bring up something you don’t want to talk about just tell me. We can talk about the blue wave instead!
yes, let's talk about how awesome the blue wave is, nearing +40, woo hoo.
I am soooooo lucky to have as a daughter. And I just admire yo so very much 😘 Mom
xoxoxo
BIG hugs to all. Enjoy the season and the big trip coming up Hope you see lots of birds, lizards and all that place has to offer. That's a trip I often thought about and never got around to it. Thanks fort the update . . . Love, Patty T.
we can have a slide show in Jan.
I totally relate to what you are saying and feeling about the questions and not being defined by what we are going through. You are an inspiration for me, especially when I see you out there gardening. Stay strong and live large. Joyce
Joyce, one of these days I know I will get you to yoga with me. Or painting?
Thanks for sharing your update, Michelle. It’s been a really hard year for us, but please know I’ve been thinking about you a lot. That doesn’t take the place of actually teaching out. I’ll try harder. XO
lets skype, Ill email you.
Thanks for sharing your update, Michelle. It’s been a really hard year for us, but please know I’ve been thinking about you a lot. That doesn’t take the place of actually teaching out. I’ll try harder. XO
So glad you are writing again— I love reading your posts, you talented writer, you!!
you're going to give me a big head! Now If I could get my apple pie baking skills up to par with writing I would be doing well. so excited to be seated around your Thanksgiving table soon.
Awesome attitude Michelle! Live it up!!
thanks Jamie
Hear you are off on another adventure soon, have a good time. Xxx all of us
We are! Another World Heritage site. Hope you are surviving Brexit.
Hi Michelle - thanks for sharing your current update and thoughts. Appreciate your idea of donating to The Organic Soup Kitchen and we will do that. We almost got to meet Cooper - were having dinner with Evie and Jim the night your kitty was to be delivered there for care while you were travelling. Delivery guy was late and we missed seeing Cooper - hope he is behaving himself! Our 6 year old Maine Coon cat is always up to some kind of mischief. Have fun on your next trip. Thinking of you - Anne and Gordon Herrald
Anne, thank you for soup! Such a wonderful service and it really does help on days I am tired. I'm sorry you missed Cooper, he does love company.
Hi Michelle, I thought about you today, more than once and was happy to find this new post. LOVE, Cherie
lets have lunch sometime.
Dear Michelle, I don't need to ask "How are you?" ... I can tell: you are positive, determined, courageous, channeling all your energy into living life to the fullest, whilst taking the best care you can of your health - that sounds perfect to me! Where is your next adventure that people are writing about? Whilst I am always keen to hear about your progress (physically and mentally), I also LOVE hearing about your travels - do tell! Much love from down under to you and Bruce xxx
The cat seems out of the bag that we have booked another trip. I love keeping the suspense. How about I post in 3 weeks just as we leave on the next adventure. I wonder if K1 has been here? hum, it is a World Heritage site. Sending hugs to OZ.
Dear Michelle, I am so glad to have your update! Stay powerful and strong. I think some people are hoping you will answer the 'how are you' question with a simple 'I'm cured'. How wishful and ignorant. You describe so well the long arc of the battle and the harmful effects of the 'how are you' and 'lets talk about our cancer journey' dialogue. I wish your thoughts on this could reach a wider audience (NY times?). I hope you and Bruce have a very happy thanksgiving! I think of you often, and will especially think of you next week when I get my flu shot. Hugs, tiff
NYT!! Wow, Tiffany, think big much? You are too kind. Between you and Laurel, I will get a big ego. Thanks for getting a flue shot. we are sending hugs to Germany.
Michelle, great attitude it’s the only one to have! Happy trails, David.
Hi Michelle! Thanks for your update. I am glad to know things are moving along, and that you will be traveling again soon. I admire how you make the most out of every day. You inspire me! Soup's on its way. Love and Hugs, Maria.
Thanks for soup!! love and hugs from us both right back.
Well my dear courageous Michelle, I think it’s time for a new scarf! 🧣 I’m coming late’ish January can we have tea? Sending you all the love 💗 Liliana
Liliana, we would love to see you. No plans yet for Jan. let me know your schedule and I will put it on the calendar.
Hi my lovely Michelle. It's nice to see your positive outlook and living life to the fullest. Miss you loads. Hope to be able to see you soon. Love you . Hugs and kisses from the girls and I 💜💕💕🤗
The Avastin course sounds good at this point. I realize the the long-term arc is maddening. Trust in yourself, Bruce and all those who care for you, both medically and personally. Hang in there my dear!
This note is actually from Kathy!
But this one is legitimately from Gordon. . . . I'm so happy you're continuing to move along. And so impressed by the strength and grace you're doing it with.