Well for a while I was getting some pretty decent progress from my Physical Therapists. I was even thinking about trying to go without my cane here and there. Then this past Sunday afternoon I was just literally sitting and got this horribly intense hot electric shock wave of pain horizontally across my lower back at the same time my thoracic area of my back cramped up like I had never felt in quite some time.
I went to stand up and couldn't. It was like my whole lower body forgot what to do. All of a sudden like someone had taken a bat to my back the pain spread like a flattened hand towel across my back. I forced myself to a standing position yet could not stand up straight. My back was "out"....just like that. My legs were shaky and my knees kept giving out beneath the weight of my body.
I was hoping that sleeping it off would help. Sometimes taking a Baclofen (muscle relaxer) and a couple of Tylenol Arthritis along with some Arnica Montana will release some of that tension and at least keep it managed. No such luck this time. In fact, this pain flare has been ramping up a little more each day this week.
On top of it all, my left knee is really struggling to bend properly. Ever since that torn meniscus it still hasn't healed and causes enormous pain and inflammation. It feels like someone blew air into the knee and it feels five times it size.
I already had committed to my youngest son's field trip on Friday, weeks before the pain flare. I forced myself to go. Originally it was supposed to be Rick and I, however he was tied up elsewhere. While I was unable to participate in all the walking that was required of the Chaperones on the trip...my body cooperated just enough to allow me to walk a little bit with those wonderful young group of 4th grade boys. I was bargaining with my body to let me hold out the whole time we were there. That was not to be though and I respected my physical limits. I ended up sitting in the van and waiting for the kids to finish up as my body had hit its limit. At least I kept my word and built some memories with my boy.
For a few months now this knee has been giving me grief. Some days worse, some days better. It has been a slow continual decline since the wreck. Sometimes I still drag that goshdarn left foot. I couldn't even pick up my foot under my own power last night. My middle son helped lift my leg onto the couch since I couldn't. There is no comfortable position for the knee. It keeps me awake and wakes me from sleep, and claims its ownership over my life at times. I am now paying ten times over for pushing myself to go on that field trip. I knew my body would make itself pay, yet it was worth it. My youngest hasn't had me able to participate with his school stuff since the wreck....almost 5 years now. I was NOT missing this opportunity with him. The joy on his face to have me there is worth all the pain in the world that my body has given me to overcome.
I do get nervous when a flare lasts this long. When nothing seems to be working to give me relief. When I wake with pain, go to bed with pain, and breathe pain. When just taking a deep breath starts a cascaded ripple effect of spasms to migrate across my back and chest and stealing my breath away.
The trade off is worth it. To be here still. Today I couldn't walk with just one cane. I had to use two, one in each hand....just to get from one room to another. I am hoping this reduces to a calm very soon. I have too much I want to do and hurting is exhausting business.