Saturday, June 11th

I’m pretty sure there is a school of thought that “no news is good news”. I don’t think that applies here.
 
No news means that there isn’t good news, that we aren’t moving in any direction other that where we are at this standstill. No news means he’s at a higher risk of infection. No news means he isn’t progressing. No news means that there isn’t the recovery that we were hoping for.
His labs are still decent, and the dialysis is still doing the work his kidneys should be doing. But he isn’t getting better. But, to be fair, he isn’t getting worse.
 
For everyone that has visited him, thank you so much. For everyone that is planning to, please please let me know. When I checked in tonight on my “before sleep call” they said he is getting a little agitated with so much stimulation, he is still slightly conscious and can get overwhelmed. The people that visited at the end of the day were asked not to speak too much to him because he was overwhelmed with the whole day. I know it seems like an annoyance to be texting me, but I don’t want him to go through too much right now. He is still responding to the stimulation so he’s still aware, but in the state he’s in it can get to be a lot.
 
I want everyone to see him, because we don’t know how long he will be with us, but maybe we need to space it out?
 
They would like to extubate him in the next day or two, but that will depend on how he’s doing on the IV meds and the dialysis. His main doctors aren’t in again until Monday, the weekends are really just a waiting game. Yes, he has critical care doctors checking in regularly, but his heart failure team and nephrology aren’t really in on the weekends.
 
So, we wait. There is no good news, no bad news. Just… the same. They added an anxiety drug today because he was so agitated and they added an antibiotic just to be safe. They intubated him again yesterday because they were concerned about his breathing and wanted to do the safest thing for him and not let it go to chance. We’re letting his body heal and hoping for the best.
 
I love you all, thank you for all the support. Today my dad cut the grass at our house that Cory was planning to do this last week, he just got the new battery in for the weed wacker, and we did finally buy that push mower he’d been eyeing for a minute. He only used it once. I look around the house at all of his things, his plans, and his projects. I found the notebook that he had his ideas in that he wanted to put into his own cookbook. I made a stack of his notes and moved his computer along with his inventory and order sheets to his desk where he usually keeps it. I did all of the things that people do when they still expect them to come home. I put things where he could find them, his fitbit charger is right where he left it. I put the cookbooks back on the shelf by his side of the couch that he was reading. I make the bed with his blankets where he likes them on his side of the bed. I refilled the water pitcher in the fridge because he likes his water really cold.
 
I should probably water his plants…
 
Everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself, and I appreciate the gentle reminders. I have my family, I have my friends. Just checking in on me is really helpful. I’ve been through this before, the days alone where Tess gets to sleep in the bed. But this time it feels more permanent.
 
I’ve been reading that some of you are pumping up the hot jams and thinking of him, some of you are praying. Some of you have us in your thoughts, and some of you are sending love. Some of you are doing all of the above, and we will take whatever we can get. Please keep doing whatever you are doing, and if you need his current hot jams list, let me know. He was perfecting an all female empowerment playlist on my Spotify called “hotfuckingpumpupjams!!!” (sorry for the swears mom) that was going pretty well. Or you can have my pandora “90’s country” for Country Music Monday.
 
All the love,
Sarah