Sit, Walk, Stand

My dad's love language is giving books. He finds no greater pleasure than passing on a text he values to someone he cares about. Years ago, he became enamored with the writings of Watchman Nee. He bought up every print copy of the book he could find and even went so far as to find the publisher with copyrights to ask for more when he discovered most of Nee's books were out of print. The particular text he sought out in bulk was Sit, Walk, Stand, Nee's look at the book of Ephesians. I was among the dozens if not hundreds who received a copy of the book from my dad. Unlike the majority of his crusade texts, I actually read this one. Granted, he made a big deal of it, so I mostly did it to get him to stop asking me if I'd read it.

I can't give an adequate summary of the text, but reading Ephesians is always a good idea and might give you a better idea of what I'm reflecting on in my recent progresses... if you're so inclined. Actually, just reading Ephesians rather than this blog might be a good life choice, but a second place might be both, or maybe you'll ignore my advice and choose just the blog, or neither. I'm not going to worry about it.

My dad and I both find irony in the fact that my response to Nee years ago was, "I need to learn to sit more." He encourages Christians to soak in the description of our identity in Ephesians 1. You need to really know who you are before you can do anything effectively. I'm often so concerned about the doing in life, I skip over the being, the identity. I've had loads and loads of time to sit in the past four to five months and soak in my identity. It's a valuable practice, and I'm grateful for it as it prepared me for the next advances.

Walking comes second in Nee's analysis of Paul, and Paul uses the metaphor profusely through the letter. I've done a little bit of walking lately, and it's tough work to do it well. Paul commissions his audience to walk worthy, and I've got to be very intentional about each step I take that it is not lazily dragging my feet or swinging my hips unnaturally.

It's the final command that's been on my heart a lot lately, though. Stand. Stand firm. Stand firm against the devil. I've been learning how to stand the last two weeks. It started with a therapist standing behind me while I had a bar in front of me and let go of my hands. The therapist would hold me and push me forward when my body started to swing or shift too far backwards. I couldn't do it without help for a long time. One therapist tested it by having me stand in a corner and try not to use the walls for support. The second I managed to move my hands and hips away from the walls, he blew on me with only a little force and watched me fall back into the corner. A light breeze could knock me down without a fight. But I was ready to fight. I've been fighting to teach my body balance for the last two weeks, and yesterday I was rewarded with a new record of standing on my feet without holding anything for thirty seconds. If I'm holding on to something, I can stand for indefinite periods of time. I get bored before I get tired, so my standing usually only lasts half an hour to forty-five minutes. Yet, let's not forget my first experience standing for twenty minutes led me to throw up and nearly black out. Twice that time is nothing to scoff at now. In fact, I even managed to play a game with the occupational therapist today while standing and occasionally letting go with both hands (though usually just one).

I'm still not steady on my feet, but my strength is increasing, and I'll keep learning how to sit and walk worthily as well.

As I read through Ephesians before writing this, I was struck by the variety of metaphors Paul develops through the letter. What caught me years ago in my class on the letter was the household theme. I'm part of a functioning home, and every person in the house has a role that is significant. Two friends came to visit me this evening, and as they talked and prayed with me, that I still have a functioning role was yet again made evident. I'm still a whole human being learning to sit, walk, and stand, and I have a unique place in God's household as one who understands something about disconnections in the brain and the body, as one who experiences the beauty of the human body's ability to adapt to difficult circumstances, as one who is unbelievably excited by the idea of finding connections between literature and daily life, and as one who thrives on opportunities to share with students that a painting of what looks like intricately connected pieces of metal, cogs, and bolts can be a prayer.

The artist of just such a prayer was one of my visitors, and I was so blessed by the opportunity to spend some time with him and his wife as we talked about what I've learned here and what I brought with me before this experience that prepares me to return to school a whole and healthy individual. Please keep praying for this transition, particularly that I would get approval for my housing. We are waiting to hear from the landlord about the small changes necessary. Please pray also for my adjustment period as I leave a facility created for people with my disabilities and enter into the small town built for hearty hikers. Praise God I'll have help in this transition and that I'm still making great progress as I get ready to go.