The thing about pain

It demands to be felt. Pain, that is. That's one of my favorite lines from John Green's The Fault in Our Stars - it's a profound concept. I couldn't ignore the pain I felt in the emergency room before the surgeon fixed my broken vertebrae. I can't forget the nights of agony when neurons fired angry relentless messages to my brain that my back was on fire from the nerves being severed or stretched in my spine. Even now the ache refuses to go away through the day, and every morning mid torso down I feel unbelievably stiff and have to fight with my left hip to lift my leg and stretch the sore and tight muscles.

That's just a fraction of my physical condition, but pain can also be emotional. I have a choice every morning to decide how to respond to the emotional pain of losing function in my lower body, and my attitude stays positive. That's different than ignoring the pain; it's living with it. I have the choice to live with human dignity or like a vegetable. While Laura the Carrot has lived a wonderful life thanks to the brilliance of Veggie Tales, Laura the Person is also living a wonderful life thanks to the Author of her life.

Living as a human requires reentry into daily human life, and Saturday was a big test for me in how I can function outside of a hospital. I left the rehab facility at 9am to head to Kandern for the BFA graduation ceremony. I was so delighted to celebrate my NHS vice president and her classmates as they completed their year and were honored by our small community. I even had the blessing of holding my current favorite baby for part of the ceremony. (Don't worry, Denise, I'm posting this like ten hours before you get induced. Gooey will be my favorite baby by tonight.)

After the ceremony, there is a lot of emotional pain for staff and students as goodbyes are given, some unaware if they'll ever see certain friends again. I found one of my precious freshmen who will not be returning to BFA next year and saw the pain in her eyes as she had to face the reality that she would not participate in a BFA graduation three years from now. My pain for her is greater than the agony of fractured vertebrae - I can only pray that her teachers in Texas will take care of her. She has the potential to make this world a better place, but her teachers have the responsibility to care for her as she continues to grow up. I take that responsibility seriously with each of my students, and I'm so grateful for the parents who have entrusted their kids to me. Even when they aren't in my classroom any more, even when they graduate and scatter across the globe, they will always be my kids.

Graduation ended with plenty of time left in the day though, and I followed Dayla through the crowd on campus, stopping to say goodbye to a few people, before being pushed to Mr. Chicken at the foot of the monstrous hill that leads to Garni, my one time home. I wheeled into Mr. Chicken to get some food and inform Mr. Chicken himself that, yes, Dayla does in fact have a boyfriend now, as he asked about the handsome young man who walked up the hill with "Day-lia" as he calls her.

French fries in hand, I waited for Dayla and Dmitri to drive back down the hill to retrieve me since it would be a nearly impossible and potentially dangerous journey to push me up the steep slope. I wasn't sure how I'd respond to the emotional pain of reentry into Garni as I'd only be able to wheel into the first floor. My bedroom and belongings stayed undisturbed two floors up as we had lunch and I enjoyed some time with my housemates.

Soon enough, Dayla and Dmitri helped me back into the car and loaded my wheelchair in the back as we headed back to Basel for more adventures. Dayla and I had previously found a showing of The Fault in Our Stars in English and located a parking garage nearby. We made our way towards "Cinema Alley" from the parking garage and discovered a steep slope leading down to the city streets. Dmitri drove me down carefully and with a smile. I realized through the rest of the evening as Dayla and Dmitri took turns pushing my chair through the terrain that it was nothing close to a burden to have me in a chair. In fact, they were eager to push me, and Dmitri made no complaint about turning in his ID for an elevator key at the theater. I should mention that we did stop at Starbucks before the movie started because, let's be honest, Dayla and I will never turn down an opportunity for coffee.

In the theater, we found the handicapped bathroom, and I managed my difficulties alone with no trouble. We made our way to the seats assigned to us, and I transferred from my wheelchair to the comfy aisle seat with relative ease. It is a delightful adaptation, and the three of us talked about how much we enjoyed it over dinner afterwards before we headed back to REHAB. By the time I made it back, I'd been out for over twelve hours. I was so encouraged that I'd made it through the whole day with no complications.

I'm still praying for no complications as I continue to transition out of here. Currently, my digestive system is a minor complication, so please pray with me that my intestines and I learn how to cooperate. Please pray also that mysterious cuts in inconvenient places will disappear never to return. These are minor pains that demand to be felt, but they don't have to last forever. Please also pray that the landlord of the apartment I hope to move into soon will quickly agree to allow the necessary adaptations. I'm getting nervous as the days go by with no certainty of a living situation. There are a lot of details to take care of before I leave here, and I crave your prayers that everything falls into place quickly and easily.