My Sentence, Oops I Mean Diagnosis

I attempted to write this yesterday, which was the day I finally received my full diagnosis. Needless to say it was a shit show. I couldn't keep it together. I tried my hardest but I just couldn't do it. So I shall try again today. If you are reading this on Wednesday, March 2nd I beat the battle against cancer today. Small victories must be celebrated!!

So the sentence, oops I mean diagnosis, I received from my oncologist is I have triple negative breast cancer, grade 3, 2.75 centimetres. Good news it has not traveled to my lymph nodes. Bad news they didn't get it all out and it's aggressive. So for all the folks not clear on what all that medical mumbo jumbo means, all you need to know is I will kick the shit out of this cancer and should be cancer free by the end of the year.

These past two days I have had a mix of emotions, and most of them have sucked. I feel like I should be relieved I finally know what I am dealing with, grateful it has not spread, and happy I get to start actual treatment. Nope I got none of that. I am sad, angry, scared, worried, and any other negative words you feel like inserting. So I am going to allow myself to ride this roller coaster of emotions as long as I need to. And everyday if I can find small victories, such as today - rode subway to and from work the day after my diagnosis appointment without pulling the emergency alarm or screaming out loud - then it's a good day. My goal each day is to add to the small victories, and that is all I can ask of myself now.

I know some of you may be wondering how I successfully got to and from work on public transportation. Well let's just say an angel shared his fight song with me this morning so I downloaded this with some additional battle songs. I was able to sing and shake my money maker all the way through the ride! Yes, lots of strange looks my way, but way better than the looks I receive when I am crying me eyes out on the subway. Can I get a victory?!

Next steps . . . I start an aggressive chemotherapy cocktail next week, every two weeks for the next four months.

Before I sign off and go hug my babies, enjoy a nice glass of red wine, and stick my tongue down my hot piece of meat's throat (in that order), I would like to give a huge shout out to all of you that have made these past two days bearable. You know who you are, and there is a special place in heaven for you selfless individuals!