Celebrating my short lived small victory

As you know we recently purchased a home in Burlington which is a city about 45 minutes outside of the Greater Toronto Area (GTA).  Many of you are probably wondering why on earth would we take on the task of buying a home and moving our family in the middle of our cancer journey, but we have a very good reason for it.  For the past two years we have been renting in the GTA because we wanted to get familiar with Ontario and the housing market is absolutely crazy.  So when I was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors said it would take most of 2016 to treat the cancer, we knew without a doubt it was time to put some roots down and purchase a home.  As we were going to have limited travel, it was imperative we had a place that felt like home and where are our children could enjoy the summer and feel comfortable.  Thus our move to Burlington.

The reason I bring this up is because our home is about an hour from PMH where all my treatments are, and the kids have school until the end of June. And we don't have any family in Canada, and our friend pool (which is unbelievably strong) is still quite small. So this week when we were reminded of Thursday being chemo week, we had no clue how to handle the treatment at PMH while living in Burlington with two 5 year olds in school and only having one car (which I shouldn't be driving anyway).  After about two days of pondering the answer was simple . . . I was going to take the Go train and then the subway to PMH on my own, so Greg could take the kids to their first full day at their new school.  Inside my heart was pounding and I just didn't know if I had it in me to be in public during rush hour with hundreds of people on a train.  What if I had to vomit?  What if there was no seat for me and my body was in great pain?  How am I going to handle all the quick weird glances?  It wasn't easy, but I knew I needed to do this for my husband and more importantly for my angels that have been through so much already.  They needed the consistency of at least their Daddy taking them to a new school with only a little over a month to go.

So how did I do . . . I fucking rocked it!  I got a seat.  I didn't vomit.  I listened to my battle play list and rocked out.  Most importantly I did it.

The night before I packed my chemo bag with all my important things including some food as this a minimum of a 6 hour day in the hospital.  Once I got near the hospital, I stopped at my favourite place - Starbucks - grande skinny cinnamon dolce latte, venti ice water, yogurt, and a protein box.  I walked over to the hospital, checked in the chemo centre, waited for my restaurant style buzzer to go off and proclaimed BINGO once Michael (my chemo nurse BFF) was ready for me.  Michael was quite surprised I did not have an entourage with me and I was by myself.  I explained the situation and he made sure he gave me extra attention and had some good conversations with me.  

Okay now it's getting close to the end of day, what are we going to do?  Greg's recommendation is to drive down to PMH once the kids are out of school in rush hour, which means easily this could turn into two hours one way. Last time when chemo was over I was completely burned out, but it was a much longer day as I gave blood the same day.  During the day I had to surprise visitors Miss Kadey and Miss Ana.  Also, Miss Susan was planning on coming but as my chemo was ending on time it  didn't make sense for her to trek down so late (even though she unselfishly was going to).  These ladies kept my mind occupied and gave me the strength to continue through my day with energy, while many of the folks in the chemo room slept or kept quiet.  My area, once again, was alive and full of positive energy.  I knew the answer . . . I was gonna take the subway and then the Go train home.  I can do this!

Once Michael gets me all cleaned up and lines out, I give him a big hug, thank him for making my time at PMH pleasant (which is hard thing to say during chemo treatment), and I pack all my beloved items up.  So one of the side affects of this round of chemo is crazy hot flashes, and they come on hot and heavy.  When this occurs, I start pulling my layered clothes off and head gear.  Today for some reason I had a consistent number of hot flashes so I actually kept my hat (thank you Macy and Brenda) off all day, and the best part of it all . . . as I walked out of PMH with my belongings, I held my bald beautiful head high and got on that subway and Go train and embraced my small victory today.  And the best part about it, as I was celebrating my small victory with my hat off, I just then had another small victory . . . actually being comfortable in my own skin and not caring how my cancer and baldness makes people feel.  This is my and my family (and friends) journey.  If it includes no head gear, so be it!  Another small victory.

As I mentioned in a previous journal entry, I am participating in the WICC Relay for life.  The event occurs in 29 days, and I pledged I would walk a minimum of 5k and raise a minimum of $3,000.  Right now I am at 35% of dollar goal.  Since I pushed myself into a very uncomfortable zone twice, I am gonna have to pull the Bernie Sanders card . . . my goal is to run my campaign on small donations to meet my goal.  All I ask of you is a small amount of $27 to help me reach my goal (like Bernie).  If you could reach deep in your pockets and help me with my goal, it would be greatly appreciated.  Here is the link to my page:

http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFL_ON_even_?px=6830472&pg=personal&fr_id=20322

Choose to donate for an aunt or uncle that lost the battle.

Choose to donate for that friend currently fighting the fight.

And just as important, choose to donate for that loved one that hasn't even been diagnosed yet . . that deserves a fighting chance to kick the crap out of cancer.

Let's celebrate our small victories together and all work together to find a cure for this horrible awful disease that effects all of us in some way :)