The love I have been feeling…

In the midst of the craziness around me, I am happy. Albeit I have moments of extreme stress, but yes, the joy is here through it all. I practice staying present and work towards seeing the love in all the small moments each day.

PAUSE…I cannot make this up: as I typed the first few lines of this post a hummingbird started flying around right outside my window. I watched it, as it fluttered quickly, I tracked as it moved outside our well lit living room from window to window. It was a peaceful afternoon and both kids were napping. This hummingbird seemed so very out of place- I think this is why it caught my eye. I have only seen one other hummingbird at our home before. That one didn’t strike me in the same way. It was a warm summer day, we were in the yard as a family and it was spotted by my mom flying around in a bush of flowers. In that moment the hummingbird was in it’s place, among flowers. Today felt different so I paused my writing to look up hummingbird symbolism. I find joy in these kinds of things…signs...symbols...“When a hummingbird appears near you, they are reflecting the positive side of life by showing you the joy in small things. It’s important that you honor the small things in life and let go of the heavy toxic ones. There is magic in the air brought to you via serendipity and synchronicity.” - sourced from worldbirds.org.

While I find it so bizarre that the hummingbird visited and the symbolism is basically what I just wrote above, I want to note something. Mental health is not as simple as just “letting go of the heavy toxic” feelings. I do not believe “letting go” is the correct term. I practice acknowledging those hard and heavy feelings. I let them in, I hold space for them and I breathe. I don't wish away my negative feelings, or think about them as a hindrance or bother. They are real, they deserve time, they require space. Once I acknowledge, silently embrace, and meditate on the heavy stuff, I have more room for the joy to flow in. I feel calm…I feel centered…I feel capable.

Confronting the hard is scary, but living in fear is not an option.

With love,

Leah