Try Harder?

How often have you heard, “If only you would try harder….” after your brain injury? Have you said it to yourself? Or to another person with a brain injury? If you’re a family caregiver, what do you say to those who say it to your loved one? (Or have you said it? I said it to my husband, early on after his TBI, not yet understanding the reality of brain injury.)

This poignant poem comes from David Grant, my long-distance friend, colleague, and writer for Brain Injury Journey – Hope, Help, Healing. He sustained a traumatic brain injury some years ago, and has become a true inspiration to many fellow travelers, especially through his Facebook page, TBI Hope & Inspiration. Thanks, David!

Have a look at David’s poem and then choose one or two of the journaling prompts below to explore your views on “try harder.”

Maybe things can be different if I TRY HARDER

by David Grant

If I try harder…

to be the old me, maybe many of the friends I have lost since my TBI will come back. Maybe.

If I try harder…

to remember what I just said, perhaps people will have a bit more patience with me because I repeat myself a lot.

If I try harder…

to not be so “different,” maybe my children will come back into my life. Maybe. They are the biggest unforeseen casualty in all this. My soul aches for their loss.

If I try harder…

to remember what I just said, perhaps people will have a bit more patience with me because I repeat myself a lot.

If I try harder…

to be less of a burden to you, maybe the sadness I see in your eyes and feel in your Soul will lessen. Even just a little a bit.

If I try harder…

to try to work on my restraint, it might be easier. So often these days, I speak first, and then think. I know it effects you, so I’ll try to try harder.

If I try harder…

to be more like the old me, it might be easier for you. I don’t even know the new me. How can I expect you to?

The reality is that there is no “trying harder” living life with a TBI. The solution might just be to “try differently.”

Many things that worked in my life before brain injury have quietly slipped away.

Such is the nature of living with an unseen disability.

The reality is that I cannot try harder. I’ve given all that I have, and more, in my ongoing struggle to regain a foothold on my life.

I will be trying “differently” for a while.

Trying harder? Just another TBI Myth.

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