from Caren

GOOD NEWS:

Okay so it's been almost a month since I have been on here. I have had a lot going on. Some good some not so good. So we will start with the good first. I owe a HUMONGOUS thank you to The Rustic Resort for assisting me with a Fundraiser. If you want to make a donation this year to a worthy location - please consider them. They are located in Benzonia, MI and went ALL OUT to make my husband, 2 oldest kids, and my baby Austin feel welcome. They set us up with food and all kinds of remarkable and thoughtful things. I have thanked them many times privately, but want to thank the Benzonia Chamber of Commnerce, The Backwoods Band, any attendees/volunteers, and The Rustic Resort Publicly for making every attempt in helping my family with the fundraiser that The Rustic Resort sponsored. This helped us greatly during a time of unimaginable need. Thank you does not seem like enough. These are good people and if you are looking for a place to go camping or just get away.....my husband assures me this IS the place you want to visit. So look them up, drop them a letter of appreciation or positive encouragement or a donation - just for their business. They are not a nonprofit but their hearts are larger than any nonprofit you will ever encounter. Angel and Jack and all those who contributed to the effort. THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

My AutoClaim got approved. THANK GOD!!! Just about a week ago now. I have been paying bills that they don't cover (utilities and what not), they are paying medical bills (finally after 7 months) and my providers - ALL of THEM - well I can think of probably 2 -3 specfic people who don't deserve to be paid.......but the rest TOTALLY do. I can also now get prescriptions without paying for them out of pocket. This will be a great stress and financial relief for my family. This was a glorious day when I got that email and letter in the mail. I didn't know whether to cry or smile - so I did both. A weight lifted.....a boulder I could walk around....or more aptly roll around (wheelchair humor joke there) - and made me feel like a little less of a burden around the house to my family who has done so much to help me in this amazing and most difficult journey - I feel like I am actually contributing something - crazy how we work so hard not to let other's approval of us matter and this approval meant more than I can even form into words that I was thinking at the time or continue to think about. I now feel like I don't have to worry about the future or having a place to live, etc and can focus on what matters - my recovery and my family.

Also in good news my appeal from the informal hearing to a formal hearing was accepted by a real judge. This is good news to me. So I am looking forward to it. Now to find a traffic attorney who handles civil infractions that are contested and can be compassionate yet assertive with all involved. Any takers? LOL.......

I am using a Tens Unit on my R injured shoulder 3 times a day. I just got it at the end of last week and it is AMAZING. Leaves my shoulder and arm feeling exhausted but gives a bit of pain relief when having my "tens session". I have to get better about the 3 times a day thing as I forget to do it......imagine that....someone with short term memory problems forgetting something.


WEIRD NEWS:

I actually had a person tell me I didn't deserve a fundraiser and a LOT of other negative comments and negative energy. This was a person we actually helped a LOT at one point in their lives when they were at their lowest.....so this was somewhat of a "really?" moment. Wow. Didn't even know how to respond to that one.....all my thoughts would have been negative and sarcastic and totally inapropriate - so I tried to stick to the facts and not emotional reactions....not sure how well that worked.....because it takes my brain a little bit longer than usual to think of comebacks and comments like that these days....

So I have this absolutely amazing Primary Care Physician whom I love. I have been with her for a long while (way before and after the wreck) She really advocates for me and is blunt with me and I value that. I am also going to the best Brain Injury Rehab place in our City (from all I have heard anyway)...have a medical case Manager, just assigned a Social Worker by same said Brain Injury Rehab.......yet the insurance company wants me to see THEIR Dr., shrink, and Dentist.................is this normal stuff when dealing with an auto accident or benefits in general.....? How do I know THEIR Dr. even specializes in what is going on with me......?

BAD NEWS:

We are having challenges with our oldest daughter ( and that is a gutteral understatement). I think this whole situation has set me back in a lot of ways in my recovery process, and has definitely affected my kids and the family as a whole, but I have never been a quitter or one to give up on anything......so forward we go!!!.....We have been dealing with her challenges for years.....she just decided to take it to the next level, and things we have suspected all along have been boldly brought to light. She apparently didn't take us seriously when we said we love her enough to never give up on her - no matter what she says or does. Love does not mean condoning.. Well, she is getting a taste of that medicine now - learning life the hardest way possible. All we can do is hope for safe progress and positive choices. Hopefully, all those seeds planted over the years will drown the weeds she is sowing in her life right now. She is an amazing writer, artist, and talented in so many ways - it is really is a situation of tough love at this point with her and her choices - something I suck at.....especially now, because on one hand my brain needs to understand and is trying to, and on the other hand realizing that I never will and in the end it doesn't matter if we understand or not - just that she is okay - and we continue to evolve and move on. However, we have all decided it is healthier for the family to make the decisions we are making - because we will always do the best to protect our children....even if it is from themselves. Even if that means that other relatives or friends don't agree or understand all the details and minute details. If they wanted to know they would have been involved in her life all along in every way possible. This is also a stark realization we are coming to accept. That judgement runs deep with those not living in our shoes. Amazing how everyone has advice to give to raise a child, but isn't willing to get their hands dirty in the process of that advice; and that is all I will say on that on this blog from now on......I've said it - and that's that.

more blogs to come as I am in a mood to let things out.....a dark hole from whence I cometh sayeth the spider to the fly.......sometimes I feel like the fly - stuck and unable to escape from this web of seeming limitation all around me both physically and emotionally....but this too shall pass away.....however... I keep hearing "it is a PROCESS"....a "PROCESS" that I am progressing through slowly but surely.......

Brain Rest! HAH! What a joke! On an island with no sounds, lights, or responsibilities - then maybe.....but not in the real world with real life obligations and a family to raise.....it's not all about me after all.....though sometimes it needs to be because I cannot maintain the peaceful requirements that are needed for that to happen.....but again....its all a "PROCESS".....

....more to come