The Road Less Traveled

Feeling vindicated is not always a good feeling, even when it makes you feel good.  Feeling relieved because you knew you were right about your own body is also not always a good feeling, even though you are relieved that you knew your own body better than any of the doctors did.

My PCP has been an amazing advocate in fighting for me and my health. She trusts what I tell her I am going through and I respect that more than I can put into words.  It is hard enough to find the words I want to use nowadays, so to be taken seriously the first time is so very important to me.  I don't have time to waste as it (time) is such a precious commodity - and I most certainly am not there to waste hers.

My Medical Case Manager has been wonderful advocate too, though I wish I saw her more often.

I now have a new Source of Support - my own Home Social Worker from MaryFreeBed Rehabilitation Center.  I love her so far.  She is a good listener and doesn't make me feel belittled, crazy, or humiliated.  She believed in me and now we are both vindicated together.....

So to get to the point, because this has been a roller coaster I did not wait in line for....

I had an Ortho appointment last week for an Independent Medical Examination (IME) requested by the insurance company.  I am VERY interested in that report coming out. I had an Ortho appointment yesterday with the folks who my PCP referred me to.........

GUESS WHAT????

Pelvic Fracture - healed and resolved

Wrist Fracture- healed and resolved

Spinal Thoracic 5-10 Transverse Process Fractures - no comment, wants CT Scan first

Ribs 2-11 fractures look fresh with 2 cm displacement still with NO HEALING whatsoever, this the Ortho Dr. stated was "very unusual and we need a CT Scan Right away so we know how to proceed".  This could include different type of therapy or surgery to plate and screw each rib to fill the gap.  So CT Scan ordered to see why no healing has occurred at all.  Ugh!!!  I told everyone I was still in pain and it was getting worse when I would push myself to do more.  It's a wonder I haven't punctured my lung or something worse - 8 months later since they were first broken, no improvement.  He said "very unusual at least 3 times". He wants CT Scan scheduled within 48 hours.

Shoulder and Scapula not healing correctly.  Stated I have a "dropped shoulder" so instead of it healing and looking horizontally straight across on the xray, my right side slants down to the R while my left shoulder is in the normal position - he wouldn't really comment on how they would have to fix that except to say it might need surgery but wants to wait for CT Scan Results.

Surgery scares me......I don't want more pain meds.  I don't want to be bedridden and hospitalized again.  I don't want to be in even more pain again.  I don't want more scars than I already have.  I don't want to die.

How many times does a person get another chance at life?  I should have died in that wreck.....but I didn't and there is not a moment I am not grateful and thankful for that.   There are too many miracles around that whole wreck that cannot be explained away.

My body is the Cherry Blossom Tree and the leaves they fall one at a time.....with Hope splayed across the face of each drifting and falling leaf.  Is this the beginning of the end or.......something else....I just don't know...........

I kept saying I was hurting more.  I kept saying the pain meds weren't touching it.  Well, I guess this proves my limitations and all my "effort" to overcome those limitations maybe prepared me for what is yet to come.

So......we wait.....