18 Months Have Passed

18 Months Since Wreck:

I cannot believe that July 4, 2015 marked a year and a half since the wreck.  I know this may not make sense to see as significant, but throughout this whole ordeal I have found that I retain information based on specific events in time.  July 4, 2014 was horrible.  The sound of each explosion, even the kids' pop-its caused me to have a severe panic attacks.  I thought the fourth was ruined forever.  This year, it made my heart thump and body shake but not the same emotional breakdown from each explosion like last year....so we have progress.  My son Austin was petrified of the sounds this year.  That was something else.  In a way, to me, in addition to remembering our soldiers present and fallen on July 4th and all that Independence day represents - I was having my own Independence Day Celebration as I was still alive.  I wasn't sure this time last year, that I would still be here to even remember last year, and yet, I am.   

It feels fresh to me still in a lot of ways.  The emotional roller coaster and the life changing things that continue to evolve have been such new territory it requires new courage each day.  Sometimes I am so tired of being hurt and tired that it is like a wave insulting my very existence over and over.

However, I must look at this as how much has progressed over the last 18 months.  I must embrace who I am and what I have become and am becoming still.  This is easier said that done but we keep moving forward.

So Happy Independence Day - a sign of good things to come - HOPE is alive.