When It Rains It Pours

We have all heard the old addage of "when it rains, it pours".  It seems that in this whole recovery journey that it most definately resembles Michigan weather.  They say if you don't like the weather in Michigan, just wait a day.  This is because the weather can change at a moment's notice.  The weather this year alone has been completely uncharacteristic. 

While I have always love the midwest thunderstorms and epic rainfalls, I have to say that when I state "I wish it would rain" - I meant literal rain with water - not metaphorically with a rainstorm of financial and medical difficulties and a feeling of being smothered and overwhelmed with life in general.  I am also careful to recognize the equally old addage of "be careful what you ask for".  I have decided from now on, that when I desire something or ask for things I need to add "without harm or fiancial ruin to anyone".  

For all intents and purposes, I am living the American Dream.  I am married, have beautiful children, a home and a car. What is not seen is that the car isn't working now and I have no way to get to where I need to go. I have continued medical appointments.  The kids have appointments and school is starting.  Rick is still plowing the fields so to speak, looking for work again/still. We have a 1994 Camry it is not reliable and we have dumped so much money into it.  It doesn't fit the whole family even, so travelling to one place requires more than one trip that we have always "made work".  Money we needed for food and bills, but needed transportation as much - so we sactificed.  To be placed into a position of impossible choices like that is overwhelming and impossible to say the least.  A dollar will only stretch so far.

What you see is a great looking beautiful house.  One that we need to have some repairs made to, but it is home nonetheless and something we take great pride in.  What you don't see is that in the last year our built-in Microwave died (has been replaced), washer couldn't be repaired anymore and died (has been replaced), our stove caught fire due to an electrical issue inside the stove itself (has been replaced), Refrigerator died recently - just up and stopped working with no warning (not replaced yet) and a series of other challenges we are dealing with as homeowners who maintain their property.

What you see is a car in the driveway.  A little worn and old looking, but solid body.  What you don't see is that we have replaced 2 transmissions, one engine, tires, brakes, exhaust and such in it.  What you don't see is that we just put about $2000.00 of repairs in it to keep it safe and working....and yesterday smoke started rolling from underneath the hood and it stopped working.  We were putting oil in it several times a week and the finances just weren't such that it was fast enough.  We keep going, we keep hoping, we keep trudging along.  The Camry obviously, couldn't keep up even though it has been well cared for - it was too damaged to recover from all its injuries.  I am glad I was not to broken for my body to stop working.  Small blessings.

What you see is a couple who love each other and are working daily and sometimes moment to moment to overcome and keeps things fun, productive, and afloat.  What you don't see is that I almost died twice in the last 18 months and continue to recover from multiple injuries, orthopedic and otherwise along with a Traumatic Brain Injury and all its complications from the the wreck that caused this blog to be created in the first place.  What you don't see is sheer exhaustion, fear, sadness, and frustration and feeling like we are swimming upstream in quicksand.  

If you are wondering how this all pertains to this blog, that is a good question.

I see everything that happens now as comparable to the wreck and the Trauma my family and I continue to endure from such.... is like the rain - it never stops.  Whether a slight mist or a torrential downpour - a rainbow now and again would be delightful.   Our financial drought and medical flooding has got to level out at some point here.  It has to.  We will survive this.  I am not quite sure how....I don't have the answers right now, but my HOPE is stronger still and my belief in the greater good and good over evil and the good guys always win and all that jazz is still what helps hold me together through this whole recovery process.

When it rains, it pours.  I'd go out and dance in the rain if I could. I should.  Splashing in those puddles seems to be the only logical way to deal with all those things we cannot control.  I still love the rain .......with water....from the sky.  The other rain though - we have had enough and could use a break please.  Enough is enough.