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Derek's Birthday

Today is Derek's Birthday.  Derek would have been 9 years old. 

What am I to say? I miss my boy. He was a wonderful person. 

It is hard for me to believe that it has only been 2 months since he died. It kind of seems longer than that. Only some of the gut wrenching pain of watching my boy die has lessened.  The sense of loss is absolutely still there.  I doubt that will ever go away.   Some days are better than others. We miss him greatly in so many ways.  There is never a day that goes by without thinking of him. 

Here is a picture Derek's Tombstone.  I think they did an excellent job.  The cross in the center is an outline of his actual cross that he held so tightly during his last days.  He honestly never let it go, day or night. When his right hand became too weak to hold it, he wanted it in his left hand.  I believe without words he was telling us to always hold onto the promise of the cross.  Even after he died, the cross was tightly clenched in his hand.

I have tried to sleep with the cross in my hand and it is not necessarily easily done. It can be done, but I am not dying of brain cancer either. So it must have taken him some considerable effort to hold onto that cross!

I did not want Derek to die without him knowing that his dad was proud of him. I am so proud to be Derek's father.  The way I see it, Jesus blessed my family with nearly 9 wonderful years with the best son I have ever known.  I told him that I was a better person because I knew him.  It is true.  He made me see life very different. Derek believed in Jesus and he did not fear death. He showed me that death is not something to fear or worry about. What Derek told me and what he showed me about his faith was wonderful to watch and gave me the courage in Christ to face my death with as much maturity and courage as he did. 

We miss Derek and on this day we celebrate his life and what a positive impact he left. Even if it is a little sad. I wish my big guy was here, but I am happy to know that he is in Heaven with Jesus.

Happy 9th Birthday Derek

That's all for now

Zell

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Comments (6)

  • KAREN
    KAREN

    Ryan, I am proud of you too. You and your family have handled everything with such dignity. We will always remember Derek with the utmost respect. Loving words from a soecial father. Love you. Mom.

    one year ago · Reply
  • Bonny Hunt
    Bonny Hunt

    A wonderful boy who was, is and forever shall be part of a loving and wonderful family. My heart is with you today and everyday. Bonny

    one year ago · Reply
  • gloria barros
    gloria barros

    i actually know how you feel as we lost our son steven when he was fourteen years old. the loss is heartbreaking which never seems to end I guess what happens is we just learn to live with it, and know we have to go forward because of the other child. they feel the loss too. am happy that derek is in jesus hands now, and will not suffer anymore, and your suffering of the loss will become better for you. Aunt Gloria

    one year ago · Reply
  • Sandy & Leroy Thurber
    Sandy & Leroy Thurber

    Derek is celebrating with Jesus. What a party with such an honored guest. You will always miss him. He will continue to live in your hearts forever. We pray for you to have peace and happiness and continue to live, love & laugh. You & Angela were/are the greatest parents I have ever encountered. Your faith shines through in who & what you are. Hug Kate for us. Know you're loved by Christ & us. Leroy & sandy

    one year ago · Reply
  • Randy Ray Haugen
    Randy Ray Haugen

    Happy ninth birthday, Derek! You showed us the way. 🎉🍰🎉

    one year ago · Reply
  • Hazel Mortenson
    Hazel Mortenson

    What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful boy. We thought so of him yesterday as we do daily. Prayers for you and your family as you heal after the loss of Derek. GGRudy and me.

    one year ago · Reply

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