I'm so grateful for all the birthday wishes and prayers last week. I thought I'd give specific reports based on what I requested for prayer about. Thank you for taking time to lift me up before the Lord. He was glorified - an answer to my first request. [...]

I was never a huge fan of Emily Dickinson, but we've almost all heard the line, "Hope is the thing with feathers / that perches in the soul." Hope is a happy thing, and Dickinson concludes even in extremity it never asks a thing. I would argue otherwise. Hope can be exhausting. [...]

Friday evening I went over to hang out with my next door neighbors and watch some mindless internet-tainment. We also ended up talking about how much we care about our students learning about who Jesus really is. That was an important part of my week because there are stresses involved in living in this community, but the genuine friendships I have with people like Josh and Morgan are super important to me as I serve my students. I also had students who have finished my class come over Wednesday and Thursday to make cookies and talk about theology. I also had some soul refreshing skype sessions that reminded me why I left the PNW to be a missionary.[...]

I don't want today to end. My best friends are here, and they are leaving in the morning.

Three years ago, my January 18 started out bright with new friends and a flicker of adventure but ended rather awfully. I woke up January 19, and the world was still turning for everyone though it would never be the same for me. I wake up every morning still hoping me feet will return to me, but I have to make the most of what I have. A former student messaged me yesterday to tell me how he spent an hour in a wheelchair and it deepened his respect for me because this is my life indefinitely and I manage to stay positive and awesome - his words not mine.[...]

It's just days away. I count my years by the 18th of January rather than the 1st, and I'm within a week of my third traumaversary. I'll be adventuring with my three best friends that day after I proctor a final for my precious students, but I plan to post some thoughts that day too.[...]

I've been reading this super interesting biography of Pocahontas written by a Native American woman that tells the story in a Native narrative form as opposed to a European one. This means there are narrative loops as she retells portions adding details and information with each round of the story. She also traces historical patterns as events repeat with variations. One example is John Smith's attendance at a cultural festival; his appearance makes the event distinctly different than any that has gone before, but he's still entering into something that has happened before. [...]

I'm wracked with insecurities. I'm hugely insecure. It's a real problem sometimes.

I'm not insecure about my nerdiness or my personality because I certainly wouldn't stand a chance working with teenagers if that were the case, but I really struggle to think peers or other adults would find me worth investing in relationally. I live on the financial generosity of others, and I thrive on the prayers of friends and strangers reading my blog and remembering to pray for me. Through this week, I was reminded of the security I have in Christ despite my personal insecurities. I have always loved the old worship song "So Close" that begins with the words, "I'm so secure / You're here with me," and those lyrics still resonate with me when I doubt that I can impress enough people to fund my ministry or share enough miraculous improvements to inspire people to keep reading and praying for me. [...]

John is my favorite Gospel. The Evangelist's annunciation of the birth of Jesus literarily parallels the opening of Genesis, and I can't help but get excited about the Word becoming flesh. I love the tellings in Matthew and Luke as well, but there's something magical about the poetic nature of John 1. I was thinking of that as we sang all the verses of "What Child Is This" at the Christmas Eve service yesterday. [...]

Three years ago this week, I sat in the Lutheran church in town surrounded by native German speakers, unable to understand a word, and overwhelmed with emotion as I realized I wanted to stay in Germany long term. Tonight I sat there surrounded by the same group of non-English speakers again overwhelmed with emotion.[...]

You may not have heard me say it, but I love my job. Welcome to those of you who haven't heard that before; you are clearly new. 

I had a student ask me to record a video blog with advice for my high school self, and one of the pieces of wisdom I chose to share was to find something you are passionate about and have a place for it in your life. For me, I'm privileged enough to have a career that centers around what I'm passionate about, and I absolutely love it when students show up at my house to make cupcakes or have dinner. This Wednesday two of my precious kiddos came for couscous, and we talked about both silly and serious things. Before they left, they both signed my brand world map with marks in their heart countries. I love the new visual representation I have in my home of how my students gather in Germany and then scatter across the globe.[...]