How do you say "need" in German? As in, "I need more verbs in my German vocabulary." 

I had a great language lesson today as my two favorite nurses taught me loads of action words. I had just spent a record twenty-three minutes on the Lokomat bearing fifty kilos of my own weight as I worked with the machine to push my body up and engage the quadricep and knee muscles in their simplest actions. Physically exhausted from the therapy, I asked to be put in bed for a couple hours. My nurses changed the sheets and gave me a rapid fire list of new German words while testing which ones I already knew. The mental exhaustion kicked in the minute they left me alone.[...]

I got another go at the Lokomat this morning, and I was energized and ready to go. Another PT I've seen before wheeled in my friend Stefania, a sixteen-year-old Italian girl who can't talk much but can light up a room with her smile. Annette asked if Stefania could stay because she gets bored in her room all day. I was happy to have an extra cheerleader in the room, and once I was strapped in to the Lokomat, Annette started the program and the three of us rocked out to Carly Rae Jepsen. My life is absolutely ridiculous. Who would have ever imagined a real scene with a Swiss PT dancing, an Italian teenager in a wheelchair, and an American strapped to a walking robot all laughing as Carly Rae sings about instant infatuations? I loved every minute of it, though. In fact, Annette told me we'd try for ten minutes but asked if fifteen was okay when I noticed I'd been walking for thirteen minutes. [...]

I had no scheduled therapy and no visitors today. To some people, that sounds like torture, but those who know me well know that I love time alone to be introspective or read. Unfortunately, I wasn't completely left to my own devices like it would seem. I had to have nurses help me get ready for the day, and they chose when I got out of bed rather than me. I was really frustrated when they refused to let me stay in bed an extra hour to nap this morning, but I took the opportunity to go visit the sheep, pigs, and goats and cry about my feelings while the animals bleated and snorted about their feelings. I talked to the burros for a little while too. I eventually did get a nap later in the afternoon, and when I was put in the chair for a second time today, I realized I had nothing to do. [...]

You might get tired of hearing me say how exhausted I am, but most of the time it's a well earned exhaustion for better or for worse. Yesterday I had a better and a worse that exhausted me. I hit a new low first thing in the morning when I tried to shower sitting up for the first time. The occupational therapist helped transfer me from the bed to the wheelchair to the shower, and that alone was exhausting. Next I had to hold my body up on my own while simultaneously trying to wash my upper body. I was wiped before my day even started which was all the more disappointing to me because I was scheduled to try the Locomat for the first time. [...]

I've always loved the story in John 9 where Jesus tells the Pharisees that a man born blind was not being punished for anyone's sin but rather given a unique opportunity to display the work of the Lord. Years ago, I even wrote a blog about how I felt that story spoke to my condition with food allergies. I'm not defined by my limitations in what I can eat - in fact, I usually only tell people about my food allergies if it's important. Anaphylaxis isn't a punishment from God, and neither is my current condition - which brings me back to John 9.[...]

I got to stay in bed late again and was blessed by several visitors in the afternoon. From coworkers to neighbors to roommates, I enjoyed the chance to smile and laugh with people I love. The whole ward was blessed by the happenstance that Dayla brought a violin. I'll be the first to say that I have the most incredible friends, but in case you doubt me, when I requested LOTR, she busted out the famous Howard Shore riff that she learned by ear. She followed it up with my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision. [...]

Normally, I'm known to sleep in as late as possible, and when I don't have to be up, I can easily sleep past noon. Unfortunately, that's no longer an option here as the whole getting up process requires the aid of so many others. I was so excited this morning when I got to 'sleep in' until 8:30. There were still nurses in and out of my room before then, but I managed to keep my eyes closed and rest for another hour and a half from their first entry. I also got to choose to stay in bed later and didn't make the transfer to my wheelchair until just before lunch at 11:30. The rest was a welcome gift as I tried to awkwardly massage my shoulders sore from several days of lifting and holding my body in the uncertainty that my legs can bear the weight. [...]

I'm exhausted. All the time. I have been for days, but at least it's a good exhaustion everyday after physical therapy. After my first few steps, I was convinced I was going to topple forwards. My PT had to explain to me that my body is no longer able to accurately tell me where I am. When I thought I was an inch away from a face plant, my butt was actually stuck far behind me pulling my legs closer to a land on my behind if I lost my balance (which wasn't close to happening with two expert PTs holding me up). [...]

I think that's what I took - five steps forward and three steps back. Counting was not a priority, and not falling over took most of my brain power. It was the hardest walk of my life. Two physical therapists held me, guided me, and encouraged me as my legs went through the motions I had so recently taken for granted. To be honest, my arms did most of the work since my legs have forgotten how to communicate with my brain. Taking a couple steps today made me acutely aware of how long the road ahead of me really is. I'll be wheeling around a while longer, but I'm still praying that the Lord will return my legs to me fully in the next couple months at rehab. In the meantime, I'll keep working hard at PT every day and visit the animals outside as much as I can - for those who've been anxious to know: there are horses, burros, pigs, parrots, bunnies, and most importantly cats that live at rehab. [...]

To be fair, I'm pretty passive in the activity while two nurses put my pants on both legs at the same time. I'm not a superhero. I'm even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being an ordinary hero, but I guess this is one of those "greatness thrust upon them" moments Shakespeare was talking about. It makes me a little embarrassed to know all eyes are on me when I have a day like yesterday where I was completely exhausted all day and didn't even have any scheduled therapy. Now I'm overwhelmed for the multiple activities scheduled for today which amounts to about three hours of work total - far from heroic in my mind. [...]