I'm a mom and I am weeping, weeping, weeping. As I sit here, on my couch in my living room, holding my baby, I am weeping. 

Today, on this quiet rainy day, I was allowed to bring my baby home from the hospital. I can't believe it. Louis had open heart surgery 9 days ago. And today, I'm at home with my baby. I'm at home, watching the Detroit Pistons home opener, sharing a beer with Dan, while my baby sleeps sweetly in my arms. [...]

What a difference a week makes.[...]

Yesterday, after spending the afternoon with our boy, Dan and I walked downtown to eat dinner. As we were walking back from our tasty Mexican feast, I looked around the city and I started to cry..again. But this time I was overwhelmed with gratitude and relief. My fear and anxiety has finally lifted. I can exhale. As a new parent, I didn't really know what to expect, and nothing could have prepared me for this marathon of medicine. [...]

i have so much to say but it's all jumbled in my head and my heart, so it's hard to put it all down in any organized way.

Things after surgery were tough. It's hard to be away from him but it's also hard to see him this way, and to not be able to provide him any comfort. I can't explain that strange feeling of NEEDING your baby but having to call a nurse when he needs something you cannot provide. Even though it's been hard, I must say these nurses are incredible.[...]

Things are really looking up today. When Dan and I arrived at Louis' Office, we found Louis wide awake! He has been taken off of all IV pain medications and his little breathing mask is turned off. Two of the main IV lines were removed also. We were able to hold him and read to him from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. [...]

We are three days post-op and I have been holding my breath the entire time. I am afraid to feel anything that resembles relief. The doctors and nurses keep telling us that recovery often takes two steps forward, and one step back and repeat. I haven't updated because these last few days have been a cycle of hurry up and wait. [...]

My baby had open heart surgery today. I keep repeating that. In fact, I keep repeating, " I have a baby. I have a baby and he had open heart surgery today."[...]

Dan and I just tucked Louis in for the night. My parents are here and they were able to kiss him good night too. Tomorrow morning, Louis will have his heart surgery. [...]

Louis is a month old, as of yesterday. And we finished reading The Fantastic Mr. Fox today.

Last night, he had his ventilator (breathing tube) removed and he has done well without it all day and night. He was also taken off all sedation medication. He is still a bit swollen from the medications but he is becoming more alert. We have had a handful of tender moments with hand holding and eye contact. Dan and I are drinking it up. His sweet little voice is so hoarse. His cries were silent yesterday evening and today they sound very raspy. We were able to hold him again and it's getting easier with less tubes to navigate around.  [...]

While Louis is in sort of a holding pattern before surgery, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect. This morning, as I got out of the shower, I almost used my hair detangler as perfume (if that gives you any indication of the fog my brain is in). But it could be worse. [...]