It's really hard to articulate my overwhelming joy at this moment, but I have to try.

Years ago, I discovered Pocket Painter Ponies with these incredible girls, and my life has never been the same since. I still can't tell you what a Pocket Painter Pony is, but I'm so grateful for the bond it's created between the three of us. These girls haven't always liked me through the years since that first Barnes and Noble excursion where we almost got kicked out of the store because we were laughing so loudly. In fact, I've received some loathing looks and snarky statements from them both, yet I can say with confidence they are two of the most important people in my life.[...]

Many patients here are able to go home on the weekends, and the meal table is rather empty for a couple days. I don't talk much at meals when the majority of the conversation is in German, but last night at dinner Alfonso and I had a great conversation. In a mixture of German, Spanish, and English, he told me he say me take steps in the physiohalle with my therapists. He knew how hard it was, and he cheered me on with every step. I communicated to him how my surgeon told me I only had a one percent chance of walking. He was so genuinely excited for me that I was now able to take those very difficult steps. [...]

Yesterday was rough, but today was certainly brighter. I felt much better this morning and practiced standing up and balancing my weight with the physio. After our short session this morning, I was encouraged by her positive words about my healing and potential improvement. We're still ordering a wheelchair, but she thinks I'll be able to walk small distances on my own in a few months. She wants to push me hard to get as much practice taking steps as possible while I'm where there are physios to help. [...]

I had a restful weekend, and woke up ready for a full day, but my stomach had other plans. After eating breakfast and taking my morning pills, the food decided it liked the view back up my throat. I tossed up the newly swallowed items and was blessed to have a compassionate roommate who immediately handed me a new bowl and washcloth and removed the vomit filled cup from my hands. [...]

Nothing gets me more passionate about living a Christlike life than watching RENT. The amazing musical displays the incredible power of true love - imagine what the world would look like if more Christians loved as genuinely as the characters in RENT. This planet would be so much more enjoyable. Even with such genuine love, pain and suffering is inevitable, and the musical addresses the struggles we face in life with the haunting refrain, "Will I lose my dignity? / Will someone care? / Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?" Those questions run through my head in the melodic round from the musical, demanding to be left unanswered as I slog through predictable unpredictability each day. Will I lose my dignity when I need help to get dressed each morning? Will someone care when I'm still in pain two months after my accident? The answer to those questions are clear; the nurses consistently uphold my dignity, and friends and family across the globe continue to encourage and pray for me. The hardest question to answer is the last: Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? The short answer is no; there are lifelong ramifications that I'll have to live with on a daily basis not to mention the larger complications of long term medical treatment in multiple countries when I finally do return to Germany or visit the US. But is this really a nightmare? Part of me is very certain it is, but a different part of me loves having after dinner conversations with Jo and Alf that have to take place in three different languages. Alf is fluent in Spanish and German but only knows a little English. Jo is fluent in English and German, and I have English and a decent memory of Spanish. That was the farthest thing from a nightmare, and I don't want to give that up. I want to make the most of my time here as I continue to heal rather than wish about what won't change. As I make the most of this time, I ask for continued prayers that the leg tremors would decrease. They have continued in higher frequency though still low intensity. My hips were worked hard this week, but I also would appreciate more prayer for continued strength. Please also pray that my muscles would relax over this weekend as they are particularly sore and tired this week. Thank you so much for the ongoing care and encouragement as you lift me up in prayer.[...]

During my last visit to Saturday Market in Portland this summer, I met a couple who had lived in the Black Forest region, and they told me to be sure to visit Basel for Fasnacht - one of the oldest carnival celebrations on earth. This hippie couple was emphatic that it was an experience not to be missed, but now knowing some Basel residents, it seems to be a much less impressive event. The PTs and nurses acknowledged it was a big show, but none of them seemed to think it worth being overtly excited about. "You can always go next year," they all shrugged, commenting it might be worth seeing once. [...]

I'm so grateful for all I learned in Koivisto's Ecclesiology class, and my retention was put to the test today. One of my nurses is nominally Orthodox, and she was asking me about what Catholics believe. I did my best to recap Koi's lesson of the Great Schism and following Reformation that provides me with the distinction Protestant rather than Catholic while remembering the most important thing is that if we believe the core of the core of Christianity we are all part of the church catholic - small c. The word catholic as a common noun just means general or universal. It's still funny to me that the Orthodox don't see a distinction between Catholics and Protestants; another patient here made the same generalization the other day. It's similar to how most Protestants struggle to see a distinction between the formal liturgy of the Orthodox and Catholic churches. [...]

Anyone who knows me or followed my blog pre-accident knows that the absolute hardest part about living in Europe for me is the shortage of Starbucks (and Insomnia, and Longbottom, and Stumptown, and Albina Press, and Bipartisan, and Bella Espresso) and most importantly Trader Joe's. All my care package requests read like a TJ's shopping list. Imagine my delight when two days in a row I've been blessed with TJ treats. Yesterday I got a visit from an alumnus of my high school who is a few years younger than I and currently doing a study abroad in Germany. Her mom, with the help of my own mother, commandeered a portion of Hannah's suitcase exclusively for Trader Joe's snacks for me. It was an extra treat for me to know Hannah and her friends got to tour BFA today - once you see that place, you're hooked; I'm praying for possible new staff in the coming years. [...]

I'm about to fall asleep for the night, and I think it's going to be a deep sleep. After I put in a lot of work in PT, Andy usually tells me, "You'll sleep well this night," while I pant in exhaustion. Today was no exception. When Andy is on my therapy schedule with Alex, I know it's going to be tough. Before Andy showed up, Alex brought out the oilenberger - a kind of walking frame with raised arm rests to support my weight. It's a slightly terrifying contraption for someone who struggles to support their own weight, but Alex told me she had a poster with the slogan, "We can do it" to motivate her everyday. I then gave her a brief history lesson of Rosie the Riveter before agreeing that with her help I could take a few steps with the oilenberger. I surprised myself and made it ten meters - an incredible distance well over double what I've done before. [...]

How do you say "need" in German? As in, "I need more verbs in my German vocabulary." 

I had a great language lesson today as my two favorite nurses taught me loads of action words. I had just spent a record twenty-three minutes on the Lokomat bearing fifty kilos of my own weight as I worked with the machine to push my body up and engage the quadricep and knee muscles in their simplest actions. Physically exhausted from the therapy, I asked to be put in bed for a couple hours. My nurses changed the sheets and gave me a rapid fire list of new German words while testing which ones I already knew. The mental exhaustion kicked in the minute they left me alone.[...]