Numbness.

It can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing.[...]

One year ago today, Monday, the 23rd, Mike had his first biopsy of a lymph node. They told us beforehand that it was most likely Lymphoma. After the surgery, Dr. Hamilton told me it was most definitely lymphoma. I remember that day so vividly. I remember the conversation with him. I remember the room. He said we needed to choose an oncologist. Mike would get a port put in within the next few days and start chemo right away. I remember sitting in the waiting room wondering if I looked different now. If people could see the intense pain in my eyes. I remember when I finally got to see him, and he was still joking around with everyone, that in that moment I vowed to be strong for him and for his mother. I knew this was going to be really hard for her.[...]

Mike has been feeling stronger and stronger this past month. So far, he's felt better at 43 than he did at 42. That will soon change, but for now, he's feeling good. I've been pretty happy and content, myself. I have been feeling confident that the Brentuximab is working because of how Mike has been feeling. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that he's going to go from seeming like his old self, back to being at the bottom, feeling terrible. But like everything, things go up and down. We've definitely learned that in this past year. There is always a good to the bad, and a down to the up.[...]

Mike turns 43 today! I think this is the first time he has spent his birthday at home, since he's usually in the field. His doctors ultimately decided that he couldn't be anywhere around the dust and dirt, combine, semis, grain carts, tractors, elevators, or anything else, harvest related. He took the news pretty hard, but he's adjusting.[...]

First things first.

Happy Birthday to Mike's mother, Nancy. We appreciate everything you do for us, and love you so much![...]

First of all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Grandpa Osterhaus! I love you so much!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[...]

It's been a whirlwind around here, these past 6 days. I definitely see now why they say that time really starts to fly when your kids are in school full time. This is cccrrrraaaaazzzzyyyyy.[...]

This ride we are on is giving me a headache. Is there something similar to Dramamine that I can take to ease the side effects from being emotionally and mentally tossed around? If so, I'd like a double dose, please.[...]

Saturday night we had a little surprise going away party for Mike. To say he was surprised, is an understatement. His friend, Scott helped me out so much by offering to host the party at his shop, and cooked the meat. Friends and family came out to wish him well before he goes into the hospital on Sunday. I counted out his days, and if everything goes perfectly (I can dream) then his Homecoming should be on December 11. That's a long time to be away from the kids. It helps to know he's feeling so good this week, and everyone commented on Saturday that he looked great and seemed like his old self. It was a perfect night. Thank you to everyone that helped put this together for him.[...]

The last few days have been nothing short of amazing. The "normalness" of our old life crept in, and I wish I could say that it was here to stay. I have felt a joy so deep that I know it's going to hold on through these next few months.[...]