“If you think you can win, you can. Faith is necessary to victory.” ~W.

"The will to conquer is the first condition of victory." ~Ferdinand Foch

August 7, 2014 (a Thursday) proved to be an emotional release and roller coast so sweet and hectic that I cannot find the right words to describe it all in a small way. A myriad of emotions, thoughts, feelings, and sheer panic because travelling is not my friend as of late, confusion because my brain and its "new normal", dedication to the truth - something I haven't lost about myself before or after the wreck, and triumph by all things coming together in divine order....all rolled into one day in a courthouse.

"NOT GUILTY" or in legal jargon "Motion/Order of Nolle Prosequi" 
The statement is an admission that the charges cannot be proved, that evidence has demonstrated either innocence or a fatal flaw in the prosecution's claim, or the district attorney has become convinced the accused is innocent.
The declaration may be made because the charges cannot be proved due to evidence too weak to carry the burden of proof, because the evidence is fatally flawed in light of the claims brought, or may be made if the prosecutor becomes doubtful the accused is guilty or the defendant's innocence is proved, or if the defendant has died....(well I am not dead thankfully),

.Thanks to the attorney I had to represent my interests and accomplished something my mind would not allow me to process at the speed I needed to since the wreck during the original informal hearing....so I appealed to a formal hearing with a judge.....these beautiful words echo through my ears and soul still and carry me across the waters of despair and exhaustion to a new day of hope and opportunity.....though still exhausted....and fatigued....it is a great gift knowing that truth prevails.....and HOPE lives and that the light at the end of the tunnel of is warmer...

I told my 11 year old son who went with me to the previous informal hearing and saw my sincere struggle due to my TBI, struggling to sort out my thoughts and words and frustration and emotional ovewhelmedness - that he could come to yesterdays proceedings as he begged to. My husband and I talked about it and I promised him he could....so he came...it was very important to HIM he stated.....after all was said and done....through copious amounts of unstoppable rolling tears.....I looked at his precious face....glad to be alive to see it still.....glad that he was there supporting me with my husband....glad for there to be some closure...I had prepared something ahead of time to tell him either direction the decision went. This is what I told him:. "son, this is a valuable lesson for you and something my father taught me when I was your age.....NEVER admit guilt over something you know in your heart you are NOT guilty of...no matter what pressure is put on you, no matter how afraid you are to fail, BE BRAVE......never give in just to get things over with....never give up on yourself and truth"......"even if you lose at things in life or people are mad at you - stand by truth"

A good lesson to live by for myself and a restoration of HOPE in some form continues to grow.....the seed has been planted.....the Cherry Blossom Tree grows taller.....

the legal journey as I know it for this chapter of my life ends here.....[...]

I will say this. This Tens Unit is magical (huge thankfulness and appreciation to my OT Erika). It helps so much with my shoulder and scapula pain....I miss her. I hope I get an extension on time with her. She was def. my favorite OT. Probably because she helped me see things were still possible...or in time could become possible with assisted devices and keeping my determination to get better - but being realistic with me too about a lot of things.[...]

Well according to my notes and calendar it has been about a week since I last posted. I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you for sticking it out on this journey with me and my famimly. This is and continues to be a life changing event and process and journey. 

Good News. I have an attorney to help with the legal stuff now. I am hoping this is something to be grateful for - we will see. We have Court this week and am just relieved I don't have to speak for myself and ask questions like last time' hopefully we won't have to go to court at all....wouldn't that be splendid?....because that didn't go over well at all for my mind or emotions......the biggest difference I really noticed in my life pre-wreck vs. post-wreck. Magistrates (or at least the last one) are not educated about people recovering from the things that I am.....and that's alll I will say on that for now....HOPE is still in my view....shimmering in the distance and some days barely visible....but still within sight![...]

file:///C:/Users/Ramona/Downloads/biawinter2013web%20(2).pdf[...]

I feel like I have succumbed to the lowest point in my life. I have, after much thought, personal conflictions, advice from those I trust, and in a true effort to beat the odds on this TBI - have added a new medication to my daily intake of meds. as recommended to me.

My goal was to get off as many meds as quickly as possible....not add more. I have never been so fatigued on a consistent basis in my life. This is just ridiculous.

I am grateful for my life...that I am thankful for every day, however, really struggling with the differences of my life before the wreck and the life I am now and how this now is the "new normal".

Finding an ability of blending of the two selves would be a good thing. All in due time I suppose. All in due time.....[...]

This link is dedicated to all my children and to children who have a parent who have experienced a TBI. This girls blogs are awesome.......and it might help you guys to share this link with your kids....

http://www.brainline.org/blogs/jannaleyde/?viewall[...]