So I had Court yesterday. The Magistrate wasn't very patient or understanding and refused to accept numerous pieces of evidence I brought copies of. He refused to look at pictures, he denied my right to ask questions to the "witness" that did show. The other one didn't show at all. I could go on and on. Very emotionally spent indeed. It was an informal hearing before a Magistrate. I am appealing his decision, which takes it to a real "Judge" in a FORMAL hearing with a Court Reporter and everything. It seems like the Informal was very informal and you don't seem to have a lot of rights afforded to you in a formal hearing or "real" court. I could say a LOT about this whole experience, but out of respect of brevity, which I truly suck at, especially lately......I won't. Although I do want to say the Officer appeared to be compassionate and answered the questions I did ask him (which we had prewritten) directly and forthrightly (if that is even a word). 

Austin recognized him right away by the way, and said hello to him in the hallway. He said the Office spoke back to him. That part was nice.

I will say THIS...... it's $125.00 to file the appeal and then I WILL NEED TO HIRE A TRAFFIC ATTORNEY - so anywhere from $400-600.00. I have 7 days to appeal from yesterday.....

I was not allowed to have anyone ask questions, speak for me, or assist me, and I had to ask all the questions myself, per the Court before we even started. This was TOTAL OVERLOAD for my brain and emotions because despite the Magistrate being aware of my challenges - he was not receptive to them - or that was the perception of not just me in the room. 

Anyhow, trying to deal with feeling mentally slow and angry at my brain for not processing things fast enough for my needs.....it was worse than what I expected....but then again, I am not sure I even knew what to expect to begin with....[...]

Dryer belt decided to go on the fritz and shredded so mom and the kids have been hanging laundry for a few days.............It kind of looks how I feel (the dryer belt that is - frayed and worn out).........which was ironic and comical at the same time to me.....I know I shouldn't laugh about it but I have declared a new emotion called "of course"...........good thing there is homeowner's insurance - just now saving for the service fee for the repair visit...come onnnnnn Insurance Company......[...]

Truly, thanks to all of you for continued prayers.  We trust the legal issues of Friday will be quickly resolved, with Caren's best insterests fulfilled, with no harm to anyone.[...]

Legal business first thing Friday morning.[...]

Regarding the auto accident of 01/04/2014:

It is 1:50 am, before the new day of Wednesday, 01/18.  Austin insists a tall black man stopped and helped him at the site of the wreck, before anyone else could arrive.  No one can find any evidence of this 'person'.    This sighting takes nothing away from the heroic gestures of Mr. L.  But, I gotta wonder.

. . . . I'm wondering if Austin saw an angel.  We've spoken of the miraculous events of that fateful day.  We are eternally grateful for our "human angels" who stepped forward to help.

Austin was truly, unequivocally, and miraculously protected during that whole horrific ordeal.  I wonder - did Austin see his guardian angel?[...]

http://www.rusticresort.net/FundRaiser.html pass it on please....this is coming up on June 28, 2014...see link for more details[...]

I spoke with a man last night named Mr. Lambert. I found a torn piece of paper with his name and phone number on it, in a familiar handwriting I cannot recall who it belongs to. I remember he came to see me once at the main hospital - though not sure what day or time.....I called Him and he told me his wife Sue (I now can love 2 different "Sue's") were 2 of the many unknown names and faces that I learned stopped to help at the scene and helped my son Austin directly amongst all the gawkers at the wreck and scene itself who were doing nothing. He stated they saw a child standing in the road and Austin was very upset and anxious about his mom (me) and crying. He said his wife attended to my son and put him in their car.... he covered me with my jacket to try and keep me warm, I told him that Austin talks about him all the time. I just thanked him many times over and caught him up a little on things and am so appreciative. He said a woman was talking to me and trying to ask me questions he thought she was an off duty nurse or someone medical. He didn't know anything about her.

My son told me that "a tall black man (who he thinks also saved us) used his phone to call the police, fire department, and ambulance - so he called 911". That name and face is also unknown to myself and Mr. Lambert....but Austin said he won't forget what he looks like and that he told the policeman at the time about it. I can only hope that over time all of this becomes a fleeting memory for him. I am comforted by these additional puzzle pieces and whoever wrote down his number. I am comforted to know that guardian angels in human form were with us that day

I am curious why NONE of these good Samaritans are not listed anywhere in the police report as they turned my son over to the police once the police got there. So for the Lambert's and the others who are still unknown to me......my heart swells with enormous gratitude and appreciation for your selfless acts that day. Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough.

To my sister-in-law Raechel who found the Lamberts through a series of events.....I thank her too. These are good puzzle pieces

I am okay just to be thankful for that at this very moment......and for a moment reflect on the cloak of grace worn by each of those that day.....and since.....[...]

PTSD or TBI symptoms??? I just don't know......I never really fully understood when my dad would have these "PTSD attacks" from his experience as a soldier. I know sometimes it felt I could barely live with him when he had his breakouts of PTSD expressions and we would all have to be quiet and wait for the moment to pass.....which sometimes took days. I don't want to become like my dad in that way and I am working hard to get better....to calm myself and keep "LIVING". I wish my brain would cooperate with my desires. It's like my new self is fighting my old self and I am caught somewhere in the middle. I know it is different....I was in a wreck and could never compare myself to this man (or any other solldier) who struggled/struggles to get through each day; he kept replaying the same things over and over in his head. There's the true difference. I don't remember the wreck though.....so how is it that I am experiencing these same symptoms in varying degrees? Does my body remember what the mind is not allowing it to?

I just don't remember so many things.....even on a daily basis with daily life. I have accepted I won't remember the wreck and have moved past that hope. Those memories are like a story in a book that was being written and just suddenly stopped; It is most frustrating and maddening. Some days I feel completely numb and apathetic to any emotion at all.....UNTIL I get in a vehicle and then there is a level of anxiety that develops that just about consumes my whole being. My mom was driving me to an appointment the other day and the person in front of us slammed on their brakes and mom had to hit hers too.....I immediately began to scream which felt like 15 minutes, but my daughter assures me it was more like 10 solid seconds......but I don't even know where it came from or why it lasted so long. I broke out in a sweat and felt like puking all over the place and the headache and dizziness that never fully goes away took a sharp and dramatic leap upwards......I then felt worn out....like I had been through a battle of some kind...just soooooooooooooo fatigued even more than the usual fatigue I now feel every day.

Where I used to love large crowds and noises and lots of people around me, I notice that I am having a tendency to withdraw from those types of things and places in general....just to avoid the anxiety of it all. I find myself being hyperalert in the vehicle which is immensely draining. Every little movement outside of us I am practically aware of it all and every bump in the road is a painful reminder to my ribs and body that there is no escpaing this pressure just yet. I am never giving up HOPE....but I do feel basically hopeless sometimes....if that even makes sense......not sure if that is even possible to feel and believe in HOPE and feel hopeless at the same time......I don't even know if I want to ever drive again. I don't even know why that fear is there because my memories are that I love driving and I really do miss the freedom and independence.

I don't feel ready though......I don't feel confident....something to talk with my therapist and PCP about more for sure.......I don't think I dream anymore either....isn't that weird? I used to dream, and in color so vividly as it would seem like I was awake....that was before the wreck. There are 2 dreams I remember since the wreck.......only 2....so many changes....

I got approved to ride Public Transit where they will pick me up in my wheelchair from home and take me to Dr. Appointments and bring me back home. I know this sounds silly but I am sooooooooooooooo scared to do this. However, as soon as we are able we will buy the tickets for it so I can face my fears and try to have some more independence......I need to face my fears and move on with life.[...]