Tonight my children sleep and I sit here wondering how their future's will play out and hope they never have to endure the pain and struggle that the adults in the family face on a daily basis to make miracles happen.
Still waiting on the Insurance Company. This is so gosh darn frustrating. I don't think my Psychologist who is supposed to help me with all my memory issues and adjusting to the "new me that is blended with the old me" has enough hours in the month for my need to express how I feel. What's even worse is that how I feel are these puzzle pieces of words trapped in my head that struggle to be formed into cohesive sentences that make sense...within that hour time frame I am allotted..............and of course he will most likely have his own agenda and by the time it is my time to say how I feel I will have forgotten my words anyway. Noone can explain what is going on with me. It's like living in a glass box some days. I speak but it seems like noone hears me. I can pound on the glass and its like noone sees me because I am invisible...............not that I am literally invisible, but that my brain is something they can't see so they don't understand and don't take it as seriously as I do...... Am I in this alone? I know I am not, but it feels so lonely sometimes.....

My husband has all but given up on hope on so many things.. This whole thing has really taken a toll on him and my whole family. I feel so helpless..

Trying to be supportive and loving and I keep repeating things that apparently I have said many times before and don't even remember it...it's actually quite embarrassing......[...]

I want to sincerely thank all of you for your prayers, wishes, positive vibes, and support through my family’s difficult situation.  It really means a lot to me knowing that I have all of you here when I need a virtual shoulder to lean or cry on.  I feel your hugs and love. From our heart to your heart, please know how dearly you are loved and appreciated.[...]

Well.....today was absolutely draining. The day of my cognitive testing...which left me feeling pretty much lifeless by the end of it all. I arrived shortly after 8am and was able to be done by almost 4pmish. A lot of things were more difficult that I imagined and really there were times I felt like puking my guts out, but I didn't want them to postpone things or change the date or stop it too soon....I literally just felt like the life was sucked out of me today, it was so tiring. I have if anything more questions than answers now. When I got in the van I felt weak and numb..........got home sat on the couch and don't even remember falling asleep just that the kids kept waking me up with questions.

I apologize that I have not been online. This has been a hard month for me and my family in general. May 17 I went to Urgent Care with my son because he had a horrible cough and my husband was unavailable to go. My mom drove Austin (my 5 year old) and myself there.... I got seen because my face pain was so great I couldn't stand it. I also had a cough that was being stubborn and persistent. On Sunday May 18 a Nurse called us and said the Bronchitis that Austin was diagnosed with originally, was actually pneumonia and they were putting him on a "Zpack" (Azithromyacin). They had prescribed me Amoxicillin for my mouth infection as half my tooth was missing (amazing what you don't notice when you are on so many pain meds and start coming off of them) - but they hadn't received anything back yet regarding a report about my Xrays. I am curious why I never received any oral mouth care/examinations in the nearly 4 months I was in the hospital....but that is another thought topic entirely. 

Then Thursday on May 22 I get a call saying they couldn't decide if I had Pneumonia or Atelectasis, that both lungs showed "density" and that both lungs showed "plueral thickening", but they were most concerned with the right lung (the injured one from the wreck) because it had a lot more "density" than the L lung. Their concern was that they are unable to decide if it was pneumonia or something called "Atelectasis" they were even wondering about a hiatal hernia since the "density" was so large, Soooooooooooooooooo to rule out Pneumonia, they changed my antibiotic from Amoxicillin to a Zpack. Meantime, my mout got out of control - and the pain in my ribs and mouth was hard to distinguish which hurt worse..

I then saw an Oral Surgeon after being referred by my Primary Care Physician.and waiting for the appt which felt like forever on May 27th I think.................he said my back lower L tooth was Fractured and damage to my lower R tooth or teeth as well.......I don't remember exactly how he said it.........but L tooth due to some kind of Trauma since half of it facing the outside of my jaw was missing/fractured - (this was my duh moment) and the other side could have been from a Metabolic disorder (oh sayyyyy like the Anemia I had in the hospital and for several months - ugh!!!!)

I saw a great lady at my Dr Office whose name is Beth. She always makes me feel safe and listens to what I am feeling. She had an xray done there on May 28 and there was not much improvement in my lungs so she switched me to ANOTHER antibiotic called Levaquin in 500mg....ohhh and I was developing a UTI.....not so awesome!!! I am supposed to go for a CT Scan within the next 2-3 weeks for my lungs. For those that know what a PR Breathing Capacity Test is, my average out of 3 attempts was an "FEV of 56%"

May 28th night I couldn't sleeep all night due to pain in mouth and ribs....but pain in mouth was winning that race - and called the Place I was referred to for my teeth and this Dentist actually answered his phone at 2:35 in the morning - I was impressed by that . 

On May 29th the Dentist got me in for an Emergency surgery first thing in the morning and so I had to cancel all my appointments with MaryFreeBed and my Psychology appointment that morning (which sucked hard core). - but saved my tooth by doing a root canal (all under the AutoClaim because I had no fractured teeth BEFORE the wreck).. Right now it has a temporary filling in it. So I have to follow up with my regular Dentist to get a permanent filling and crown (but have to finish paying HIM off first from work he did for me this past Fall and he deserves every cent because he is amazing and trusted us).

May 30 - Friday was my cognitive testing and I already summed that up at the top of this post.............soooooooooooooooooooooo I have been fighting hard to stay healthy and on top of things....however, my brain still gives me fits...[...]

today was, for caren hideous -- hope blooms eternal even in adversity -- caren (beloved, and magic) nowell (birth, or life) -- my beautiful flower[...]

Rough day today.  We are all exhausted.

Doctors still concerned about lungs, and fractured tooth. Third round of antibiotics. Going on levoquin now. Yet more pain for Caren.  CAT scan of lungs after this round of antibiotics.  Three hours of therapy today.   No funds for expensive meds, or gas for yet more appointments. .[...]

Nich and I are back from his class trip to D.C.  Austin recovers from pneumonia, Kane has bronchitis, Caren has something wrong with her lungs.   Doctors are alarmed.  At first they were treating broken/hurting teeth from the wreck, but they noticed that BOTH lungs are 'patchy'.  So far only the right side, the side of impact, was affected.  Antibiotics were chan ged.  Back to doctor's next week.  TV is off, no internet or home phone. Mortgage is now past due. Caren truly is not alone in this battle.  We are all affected.[...]

Caren, believe that you can do anything - your mind to God mind.  Believe how wonderful you are.  "Keep on keeping on!"[...]

[While I realize that there comes a point when a person no longer refers to their injury as a concussion, I found the following site helpful and full of information about managing syptoms of traumatic brain injuries.][...]