Brain injury is confusing to people who don’t have one. It’s natural to want to say something, to voice an opinion or offer advice, even when we don’t understand.[...]

Depression and Hopelessness can be a paralyzing thing in a person's life. On March 16, 2014 as I lay in the hospital bed in the rehab unit I was in I had pretty much given up on all Hope of ever getting home or getting better. I had become so discouraged that it almost consumed my whole beingness. I figured I would end up laying there until I literally got worse and eventually forgotten - perhaps even die there all alone. I fought these thoughts with the presence of my family who came as often as possible. I have developed a problem with sleeping. Man I have got to get back to a normal sleepinig pattern.

However, that night I once again complained how my air mattress didn't feel right and I was in immense pain and the lonliness and defeat fought against my desire to succeed and be "free" of negativity and out of that hellhole (my vision of it anyway). Aside from a handful of nurses and aides who actually cared about me as a patient and a person - it felt as if I was insignificant and overlooked and ignored for even my smallest needs. I wanted to go home in the worst way imagineable. I prayed for it every night for over a month. 

Well, when I went to sleep that night I slept and this was my dream:

I was walking on a concrete path, kind of like a park setting. there was plush green grass on either side of the path and the path seemed to stretch on forever. there were giant trees full and green sparsley placed throughout the park. However there were numerous trees that rresembled "Cherry Blossom trees" - but instead of the beautiful pinkish/red leaves that fall from them - they were still leaves but they formed the word "HOPE" on each "leaf". I saw the word HOPE flash in see through script before my face as I walked. It was oddly natural and strange to me at the same time.
Soon, a figure appeared. I am unclear of age, gender, just that they were cloaked in pure white. There was no view of them only their voice. they told me to Never Give Up Hope and exactly what I should say and do the next day and who to contact, and in which order to contact to get home' and I would be home that week. I was assureed it would be a test of my faith and belief in the power of HOPE. They told me i would wake up full of joy and peacefulness and be reeady to go, and to not let anyone or anything allow me to stop believing I was going home that week. They said i MUSTshare my hope with everyone I met and help them in some small way - that I should be brave and when I couldn't walk on the path anymore because my hope faltered due to the storms I would surely face - to open my eyes and focus; to breathe deeply and find my target (like I learned with my Speech therapy) to remember the leaves of HOPE beneath my feet that continued to fall from the Cherry Blossom trees - would carry me along the path when I had not strength to carry myself - only that I must NEVER GIVE UP HOPE."

When I awoke I was full of so much happiness I was almost feeling guilty like I had some secret. I began my journey and followed the instructions I was gven to the letter. I even told my husband I would be home that week and told him I needed that HOPE and please don't take it from me and just let me believe it. He didn't feel I was being realistic given my injuries and all I still had to accomplish. I told him I hhad to be home and it WOULD be that week. I even told my mom and some of my more favorite aides. I believed it.

That same day on St. Patricks Day a series of miracles and limited opportunities began to unravel and due to the due diligence of many of those who were willing to believe with me and listen - doors of change and courage and perseverence prevailed and I was home by Thursday.

So I am filled with hope. There is so much to be grateful for and so many to be thankful to as well who in lightening speed made things come together as if it had never been done so quickly. There were some strange things that happened that week which I can only describe as serendipitous. 

So fill you life with Cherry Blossom Trees with leaves of HOPE - and when you don't believe it is possible anymore to continue and carry on - let the leaves of HOPE guide you through the path to the many benches that are waiting to give you a place to rest as you move along towards your target.

The colors so vibrant and the dream so vivid that my HOPE to go home - never faltered - and by golly, I was home by that Thursday. I still find it miraaculous.

I am unsure what Cherry Blossom trees represent - I must look that up......but for me that was the beginning of my journey to Help One Person Excel at a time - starting with me - AND It WORKED. 

Oh. which left my husband mostly speechless but very ecstatic and appreciative. 

Phillipians 4:13 for those who read the bible and just listening to my inner self for those that don't.

That dream and that message have neer left my heart of my lips ever since. HOPE a choice to keep or let slip away. Me, I clung on for dear life and trusted what I was told and felt inside.

I hope this doesn't sound to freaky to you guys - but it's okay - I am home and all the pieces are still coming together - one Cherry Blossom of Hope Leaf at a time.

PS upon leaving thursday we discovered the air mattress was completely flat and that is why I was in so much pain for so long as someone didn't do their job properly when refilling it and "lost" the plug - so indeed there was something wrong with the air mattress as I had said all along. "Lesson learned : always trust yourself and hold not just yourself accountable but others as well."[...]

 [...]

Good morning my friends....or afternoon I should say. It takes me a while to type and sometimes I am unable to look at the computer screen very long because of my dizziness or headaches....but that's okay it gives me a chance to appreciate the beauty around me or to focus, breathe and center myself. 

This has been my one week Anniversary from the hospital this past Thursday - what a Journey of love and amazing possibilities. What a week for fantastic opportunities to Help One Person Excel.....even if that one person is myself.

So for good news....some night this past week (I don't remember the exact day but I think Thursday - my husband presented me with something so amazing....

My Wedding Rings....

I had asked him what happened to them and apparently they were given to him in a small pill bottle, all covered in blood, that consumed the vision of both rings - he couldn't face that pain to clean them after the wreck and gave them to my mom to put in a safe place; so my mom....when she could muster up the courage to do so, cleaned them. Rick told me, we may have to straighten them a little at the jewelers as one was bent a little and the other a little bit squeezed....but they fit.....and the tears flowed - his and mine.

Those rings though only materialistic possessions.....mean so much in the grand scheme of things. I realize now, they also symbolize HOPE. The hope that all the visions and dreams you create and nurture as a couple develop in the way that you want them to - little do we know how much those rings, and their symbology mean and that in a way make us feel grateful to have the life to share with another the same things - good, bad, or ugly.

Thanks mom for cleaning them and thanks Rick for loving me enough to wait for me to be able to wear them and ask about their absence. All in good time.[...]

If you are looking at this right now then it is meant for you to know to NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.....my acronym is HOPE= Helping One Person Excel.

Whether this is through assisting them across the street, paying some bills for them, paying for the coffee for the person in the drive through behind you, or giving a person rides to therapy appointments, or whether you are a prayer warrior or just a believer in possibilities. One small act of kindness can restore HOPE in someone's soul......even if just for a moment.

I have 2 special things to tell you tomorrow(which is now actually today),, but first I sleep..[...]

     Yesterday, Caren and Rick had to admit one of their children to residential care. It was a grief-stricken day for all the parents, to realize that this child was beyond their help, and needed professional intervention.  One thing, though, none of our children are ever beyond our love.  Caren had a very emotional day, and the concussion only exacerbated the tears.
     I observed, I consoled, I supported - and Lord, I prayed.  But, there were no tears.  It is not that I am unfeeling, nor is it that I didn't care.  I just felt all cried out - years of cried out.  This is my second time around, raising kids.  My kids went through some rough times. At one point I held my son's wrist together while my husband summoned the ambulance.  I sobbed, I wept, I beat my chest in anguish.  So, I understand the sorrow.  Also, I am not unaware of the healing property of tears. Maybe I'm just prolactin, andrenocorticotropic, and leucine enkephalin challenged.  LOL  Perhaps I understand that one day the child will no longer hate the parents. The child will come to understand the loving sacrifices made this week.  One day.  Right now, teenagers are seeking self-gratification in a hurry.  It's the way the brain is wired, so the Doc explained.  Many of our teens have the faulty notion of entitlement. We'll not debate this.  When raising my kids, the first time around, an old preacher once told me to cry in my pillow at night, wring it out in the morning, and go with God.  Joy comes in the morning.  
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Today Caren sleeps.  Yesterday her medication schedule was totally off-kilter.  She refused her pain medication in order to stay clear-headed and supportive, supportive of her kids.
     When kids are in crisis, parents want to be there to support them.  Little do the kids realize the peril they often cause by their choices.  The teenagers are too embroiled in their own self-created dramas and lack of foresight to see the damage they do to themselves and to others.  God help these kids to make better choices, before they do irreparable harm.
     So, Caren was there when Mel came over to the house, when Rick came home, "when the fit hits the shan."  With no reserves, she is exhausted today, playing catch-up, as we again 
re-establish a schedule that works successfully for her health and well-being.[...]

     Here is a little peek into the space Caren has entered for continued healing.  This is her bedroom.  It is a space of beauty.  It is a space of comfort.  It is a space created by love and filled with love.  This bedroom has become her sanctuary, her place of safety.  She has a circle to receive visitors and family who want to sit a spell.  Caren has an amazing bed in which to rest and recuperate.  [...]