So for some reason I assumed when Michael, my chemo nurse Superman, pumped the last bit of my chemo cocktail in my system on June 16th, I would feel feel like a rockstar in a couple days.  NOPE!  I have felt absolutely awful - actually this is the worst I have felt on chemo.  I have neuropathy in my feet, my muscles and joints are sore and tight, and the pinball nerve pain continues to hit me in every part of my body.  Oh yeah, let's throw in a bit of vomiting and some sort of sinus infection I caught from my lil angel Abbey due to my low immune system.  Oh, it's been a treat.  I can barely walk and I have spent most of my days on the couch with a bit of complaining like a big baby.  My poor hubby - he has had to put up with all this and take care of the kids, pets and house (like he has done since November).[...]

Geez, it's been almost two weeks since my last post.  I don't like waiting this long to write, and I have so much to share.  This may be a bit long, so lets get to it!  The first thing I want to start with is an update on my treatment.  Some of this may be old news for a few of you.  If so, you won't hurt my feelings if you skip to paragraph 6 :)[...]

My first full week of short term disability is officially in the books.  I know you are dying to ask me how it went.  Or if you know me well do you think you can guess how it went?  Let's make it a multiple choice:[...]

As I sit here taking in my second to last chemo cocktail at PMH, I am full of mixed emotions.  It seems since I have been back from from our amazing trip to Wisconsin this continues to happen to me.   Yesterday I took the train and subway into the hospital and the office and I expected to continue my high from our trip, but no.  It was the opposite.  I was a complete wreck.  I kept crying and feeling fed up.  I was sick and tired of having to spend my days like this - hospital, works, home (nothing else).  I couldn't take my strong pain pills to maintain my pain level, otherwise I would be too loopy to be in the office.  I had to get up extra early to go to PMH for a blood draw so I didn't have to do it early in the morning today.  I was just feeling completely sucky (wow I think "sucky" is a word - it didn't autocorrect).  So on my train ride with my mask on I continued to get stares.  I couldn't tell if it was my crying or the mask that makes me look like I am contagious with some rare disease.  After the train I had to take the subway and after I swiped my pass to go through the turnstile some woman comes barreling through to exit through the same turnstile.  As I started going through she told me to "get the fuck out of the way".  I was shocked and I just stood there, so she had to push me out of the way.  The whole trip I was zombie like so this just put me over the edge.  I finally got on the subway and just cried.  I got to PMH and gave blood, and then got back on the subway and spent the day in the office.[...]

I am one week into my second batch of my new chemo with only two treatments to go.  So the first treatment Michael, my chemo nurse, told me was called "red devil".  If that is "red devil", this one should be called "electric shock".  The red devil provided lovely side effects such as nausea, tiredness and anxiety.  This new concoction is the devil's work.  So the day of chemo and the day after I feel like a million, no wait, a billion bucks!  Thank you steroids.  Once chemo is done and all day Friday I completely forget I have cancer and chemo, except when I look in the mirror and see my bald beautiful head.  I can do everything any healthy human being can do.  It's an awful dirty trick of this evil cocktail.  Then good ol' Saturday rolls around and bam - the sharp shooting pains continue and don't stop.  Dr. Amir told us 20% to 30% of patients my encounter this, and of course, I fall into the 20% to 30%.  Where do these pains occur you ask? All over . . . fingers, toes, butt, head, arms, hands, feet . . . no inch of my body is sacrificed.  As I am typing right now, my fingers are getting attacked.  When do these pains occur?  Well, if you must know - all the fucking time!  We started with Tylenol 3 for pain.  Then the doc increased us to Percocet, and now we are trying something that works neurologically as he believes it has something to do with my nerves.  It takes about three days to get up to the full dose on this third round so fingers crossed.  As for now, Greg gets to listen to me complain nonstop about the pain, and watch me lay on the couch in tears at night, as early evenings are just miserable.  He tries his hardest to help, but nothing works.  He just rubs my head and I cry until my sleeping pills kick in.[...]

As you know we recently purchased a home in Burlington which is a city about 45 minutes outside of the Greater Toronto Area (GTA).  Many of you are probably wondering why on earth would we take on the task of buying a home and moving our family in the middle of our cancer journey, but we have a very good reason for it.  For the past two years we have been renting in the GTA because we wanted to get familiar with Ontario and the housing market is absolutely crazy.  So when I was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors said it would take most of 2016 to treat the cancer, we knew without a doubt it was time to put some roots down and purchase a home.  As we were going to have limited travel, it was imperative we had a place that felt like home and where are our children could enjoy the summer and feel comfortable.  Thus our move to Burlington.[...]

So we made it in and out of New York without a hitch. First small victory!! Long day starting at 5:00am and ending around 11:30pm, but so worth the piece of mind. A special shout out and huge thank you to Susan for trekking it out to our home out in the burbs and spending the day with our angels. They love Miss Susan. [...]

Today is the day we have been waiting months for . . . our second opinion. I am still unsure of my feelings. Am I excited, nervous, scared, happy, or freaked out?  I really don't know so I think unsure is the best word to describe my feelings at this very moment. I am sure part of the reason is because this round of chemo has kicked my ass and then add bronchitis and a closing and move to a new house in a new town on top of it - unsure seems fitting. We just haven't had too much time to think about it.[...]

So Thursday, May 5th, I received my first dose of my new chemo cocktail.  No more red devil, and doc said this is typically easier on folks than my first set of treatments.  It was a very long day at PMH.  Got to the hospital at 7:00 am to give blood in order to determine if I am healthy enough to have chemo.  After several hours of waiting, my restaurant-like waiting tool starts buzzing and the red lights start flashing - BINGO, time to administer the cocktail.  This round seemed to be a bit more painful going through my veins than the past, but it could be because it takes a bit over five hours to receive.  By the time we got home, it was late and I was tired, which led to an early night.  Friday, I felt falsely amazing!  No pain, no sickness . . . all good.  Got to spend some times with the kids, and even started to think about amending my green (good) and yellow (possibly good) days for work if this is how well I was going to feel.[...]

My family and company are participating in the Canadian Cancer Society WICC Relay for Life on June 17th, and I would be forever grateful if you could support the cause and donate.  The following is my personal link:[...]